I dont know who I am

[ShouldIStaySelfIsolated]

Does anyone else feel like they don't know who they are? Like they've lost their sense of identity.

I dont know if this is a perimenopause thing, a midlife crisis, or what, but I've come to the realisation that outside the roles of being a parent and my job, I dont really know who I am.

I don't have any dreams/goals for myself.
I dont know what my style is.
I don't have any hobbies.

I do have the most wonderful DH who is so helpful and supportive and would absolutely do whatever he could to give me time and space to do hobbies etc

I just don't know where to start

That's really interesting @istherereallytimeforallthat (love your username too!)
I've only been on it a month or so, but i'll keep an eye on how I'm feeling and see.if it settles or gets worse

although I’d love to try new hobbies and sports I have lost my confidence and I’m quite paralysed by general anxiety, which I’ve never felt before.

@Middleagemoper - I sympathise with this. I had never been an anxious person, and never really understood what anxiety disorder was, but in menopause started getting very jumpy and fretful and fixated on things that concerned me. Still do a bit but far less.

DS2 has GAD, and told me the best advice he ever got from a counsellor was: ask yourself what non-anxious you would do and do it, despite feeling anxious. It was still really hard to do, but it got him out of the house, talking to people nd building his social confidence. I do think there's a case for saying: if I want to try a new hobby or sport I will, even though I will feel really anxious.

Years ago I read Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, and the author advised making 9 life categories. Some are the necessary stuff like work/money; home maintenance; family etc and some are more like the strands suggested above. Then she said, do something each week, however small, that improves that area of your life.

I haven't taken the advice for years but when I did, it had very good results.

Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll take a look at that too.

This thread has reminded me that I used to love reading. I would lose myself in books and would often have a few on the go at one time.
So I'm going to try getting back into that with the recommendations here

This is me 💯
I feel detached, no motivation
ive been through the menopause

Sorry to hear that @bittertwisted
Do you have any hobbies and do things like seeing your friends?
How's work?
Do you have someone you can talk to about this?

Its a horrible feeling 😞