Was it reasonable to expect me to arrange the meeting?

[Arseinhand]

I’ve added the time in so this is me second guessing myself.

A member within the same team I work in, asked me to pop 15 mins into our diaries to discuss something (the something being a task I do every couple of months to help him out: it was set out as a development task but it really isn’t).

As I said, I added the time but quite begrudgingly. My calendar is up to date (never isn’t) so why couldn’t he have sent me a meeting request rather than an email asking me to set something up?

This member of staff is more senior in role, but I have no reporting line to him (I did as a temporary basis whilst there was some rejigging across teams, but it was only ever temporary and he didn’t want the permanent gig). It’s also worth pointing out that we don’t do the same work, so it’s not like I do a more basic version of work he does: I do very different work.

Should I have pushed back?

I realise this is overthinking, but I’ve been so much of a people pleaser in my career, and I am trying to be less so.

I’m also peri menopausal and trying to get straight with treatments and wonder if that’s knocking my balanced view somewhat! Hence the user name!

If a more senior person asks you to arrange a meeting, arrange the meeting.

Same level or more junior - “my calendar’s up to date if you want to pick a slot.”

Op - do you think he would've made the same request if you were male?

I know he wouldn’t. There is a team member who is male at the same level ans me and one who is male at a “lower” level than me. We’ve been in team meetings where there are actions and to me he says “pop some time in” and to them he will say “we’ll get together” or “I’ll book some time in”.

Thank you for this.

This is why you don't like it becuase that's how he's treating you. You'll sound unhinged if you try to push back though, especially if he is more senior and it is actually appropriate for admin tasks to fall to you.

I can see why you are reluctant to get stuck with the admin tasks, they do often get left to women to do (it's everyday sexism some people don't notice, as we are so trained to do it) - as others have said, have a phrase ready to use next time.

anyone, senior or not, who says "pop something somewhere" gets the side eye

I work with a senior VP and I'm a) lowly and b) new, and even he does his own meeting requests

Hmmm I had something similar, though it was a woman a couple of levels higher than me, not a man. She wanted my help on a project and asked me to set up a meeting to discuss it with her and someone my level.

It wound me up as she was asking me for a favour on the project, the meeting wasn’t for my benefit, and I suspect she didn’t ask the other person to set it up as it was a man. I didn’t report into her. I think in her case she was fairly new and trying to solidify her position as senior.

I told her my diary was open so please pick a slot as I wanted to knock on the head future requests like that.

I work with someone more senior to me - we don't get ourselves in a fucking tizzy about who sends the meeting invite - one of us just does it. If someone I was working with asks me to send the invite I'd just bloody do it. But I work for an organisation where we don't play these stupid games.

Must be the heat

You’re reading way too much into it.

So you’ve had the 15 minute meeting?

I'd rather chose the time myself. I think you're making more of this than you need to. He was giving you choice over the time to book it in.

Perhaps they’re not ‘people pleasers’?

People can only wipe their feet on you if you lie down and let them.

And that goes for both men and women.

Yes, and that was the point of me posting.

No, I’ve booked it in.

I work on a team of about 14 plus the boss. Of the 14 there are three at my level, two “lower” level and the rest his level (remembering no correlation in the work he and I do and no reporting line into him). He’s the only one that ever does this.

Thank you for taking me back to the 90s with the term “fucking tizzy” though. Thanks also for telling me that’s what my post and actions (of me sending the invite) amounted to. I must have always misunderstood the term I used as a teen.

Yup, this is correct. Hence my caveat about me overthinking it.

Yes, perhaps he was.

That’s an extremely generous way to describe it!

He was giving her the choice to behave like a little woman who knows her place or to push back like a hysterical menopausal middle aged woman.

*sorry OP, no idea how old you are!

Why, thank you.

Well. He could have asked you!

Would it be possible to reply along the lines of “sure, please put in my calendar for whenever I have a free space that suits you”?