Neighbour asked me to read their self published memoir, now what?

[Merlinthewhale]

Would you read a book if a neighbour asked you to? It’s their self published book about a difficult period in their life. I started reading it, now I know more about them than I ever wanted or needed to. I have never regretted reading a book so much and can’t see them in the same light knowing how they view and have treated other people. Do I lie and say I haven’t had time yet? I don’t feel I can tell the truth now and I don’t wish to feature in the next book.
I’ve name changed for this just in case it becomes a bestseller and I’m tracked down to play the nosey neighbour in the movie.

Oh no OP. I'm a journalist and I get sent so many of these. In fact, I opened this thread because someone has literally just sent me a pdf of their memoir!

I am always asked for suggestions but I have learned that unless someone is a writer for a living they can be a bit thin-skinned about critique.

I would just pick a part you liked and say "well done Margaret, writing a book is such an achievement, the part where you shanked that bloke was really harrowing", and hope she doesn't ask if you've read the whole things.

‘You’ve had an interesting life, thanks for sharing. Got to dash’.

If she stabbed someone maybe it’s a warning. Letting you know that she’s not a sweet innocent, she’s a gangsta granny.

I live in the middle of nowhere. I have to move to a town as I am getting old now but every week there is a new reason to stay away from neighbours, suburbia, people. I am adding this to the list 😆

Who did she stab? Did she do time?

OP says it's been self published

Whaat? Is this figure of speech or did she really stab someone? I assume in self defence although unclear from your posts! Sounds like quite a heavy book

I tell you what's worse... a friend self-published a book of his poetry, and had 300 copies printed. He was very offended when the local library refused to buy a copy

I bought a copy ... some of the poems weren't too bad.

When he had to move to a nursing home in his old age, he still had about 280 copies left.

I’m fascinated by the self publishing thing. A random chap gave me his once- and looked worried that I wasn’t being sufficiently careful with it. I did start reading it, was amazed at his self indulgence about his actual life and gave up. He put his wife and kids through such a lot.

In his case I wondered whether he felt he had to, to justify why he did the things he did. Midlife crisis, voyage of self discovery etc. I’m pretty sure he still wouldn’t have convinced anyone.

I would run it through ai, ask for a potted summary.

Then you will sound like you read it all.

Then just be complimentary about what you can...say you enjoyed the pacing, thought the descriptions were compelling, he must be v proud of it etc.

If the content is boring then focus on the writing. Tell her if it was well written and structured. If it’s a load of rubbish then you could say, sorry x, every time I tried to read it, I fell asleep! Can you please ask someone else?!

Make them pay for your therapy?

Emigrate?

At least she’s done something interesting in her life I suppose!

My mum tried to get me to read my uncle’s
memoir, I refused. She said but you love reading and I said yes, that’s why I’m not wasting time reading books that aren’t worth reading. She said but you haven’t even looked at it and I said I don’t need to!

If I cracked she’d have me reading every Tom, Dick and Harry’s memoir, as she knows a lot of people and a large number of them seem compelled to write their life stories.

For what reason did they want you to read it? Seems a bit of a strange thing to do if therein is the evidence you aren't a particularly upstanding person or unless you are in the literary profession and your feedback would be valuable. I'm sure there is some extent to which if we all laid bare our entire lives we wouldn't exactly come up smelling of roses in all situations, particularly those who've struggled with certain things - how bad is it?

I would have said that I didn't have time in the first place but you've been to nice and are suffering the consequence of that. I would just stop reading it, post it back and if asked be vague and stick to compliments about the milestone of self publishing or "I'm not much of a reader so I couldn't possibly judge..."

That's not the sole reason people write memoirs.

They don't need "feedback on their writing" either. The book is already done and they have published it.

OP just say it was "fascinating." Stay generic.

Argh!!! I know too many people who keep writing books and self publishing them.

Once you have said you have read it, she will expect you to write a really long review of it on Amazon to raise her profile. She will also want you to promote her book by sharing stuff about it on your social media.

But they clearly wanted to share personal info .

I'd say 'Thanks for trusting me to read it. You've done a great thing by writing a book.'

ps

It's a bloody cheek asking you to pay to read it.
She could have let you read the manuscript without it being loaded onto Kindle.

My dad has written some naughty novels. He once gave a copy to the vicar to read. So, could be worse.

Oh god, this happened in my (extended) family. The book was awful, self indulgent, badly written pap. When distant relative enquired as to what I’d thought of it, I replied, “Goodness me! It must have taken you ages - so much detail.” They seemed satisfied with that and I’ve avoided the subject since, (although I believe they’re ’working on a sequel’). 🫪🫪🫪

She should pay for therapy like the rest of us! If you're not a close friend of hers, I think it's a bit blimmin' self-indulgent of her, foisting her memoir on a neighbour. All writers want an audience; she hasn't found/can't find one, hence the self publish. She's using you, and she obviously expects you to react to the bit where she stabs someone. In other words, she wants a looong conversation with you about her (traumatic, or possibly just selfish & violent) life. She's probably picked you because you seem nice.

I'd run a mile, OP, unless you actually want to become her unofficial, unpaid confidante/amanuensis/counsellor. I don't mean to be unsympathetic - maybe she stabbed her abuser after years of suffering or something - but the chances are she's a pretty fucked-up person! How many of us actually stab another human being?! Sorry, Margaret, it's far too personal for me, I didn't feel right reading it so I've stopped. I don't normally read stuff like this.

What’s wrong with a private diary/journal?

I'd feel angry with a neighbour for even asking me to do this.

I think in your position, having started it, I would just make some small positive comment on the writing (if there is anything at all positive that can be said -- Well done on the largely accurate spelling!) and then add that, on reflection, it feels too personal to know these details of a neighbour so you won't be finishing it.

I had this years ago. It turned out my neighbour had been a horrible person when younger (even as an adult) and had sometimes treated people very badly. I had liked her up until then. I avoided her for a few weeks after reading it (easy, as I had a busy working life) and never mentioned it. It was made easier as I didn't have to give back the book (she had asked me to buy it on Amazon and read it), so I consigned it to the bin - too unpleasant for the charity shop. I never felt the same about her after the book revelations.

Stabbed someone @Merlinthewhale ?!

I'm invested now - but not invested enough to read it.

Oh OP, I do sympathise. Someone once persuaded me to buy their self published book, she seemed so kind and friendly that I splashed out on it. It wasn't very good, but I praised it to her, after all she finished a novel, I can barely manage a short story. But then she wanted me to write a review - I tried to follow the rule of saying the true but not the unkind and the kind but not the untrue. But no, that wasn't good enough, she got quite shirty and wanted me to rewrite it with much more detail, and to say which bits I specifically liked - it was like being back at school, and I wasn't keen on that the first time!
In short a PP was correct, you need to move house, change your name and identity, and possibly have plastic surgery.