Why do I feel so awkward in independent shops?!

[Toadflaxx]

I saw a gorgeous little shop in my local town yesterday that has things in the window I like…

I am not a good shopper however, and I don’t have much budget, so I even won’t go in to look even though I would enjoy looking… am I the only one who is ridiculous like this about independent shops?!

I feel sooo awkward going into an independent boutique and being watched by the owner, maybe even getting into conversation with them, only to then feel awful for not buying anything and walking out.

So because of my terror of doing that, I simply… never go in!

I feel awful at little craft markets for the same reason - eager stall owners willing you to come and buy their stuff. I can’t bear it so I avoid eye contact and don’t even dare have a proper look.

Last month I saw some jewellery on a little market stand and was brave enough to go and pick some up. Then I had an argument with myself and realised I didn’t want to spend £30 on something I wasn’t perfectly in love with, and the stress of being watched by the stall holder made me put it down before I had too much chance to think about it, and scuttle away!

I obviously don’t get this in supermarkets or chain shops, it’s just the independents. It’s like, for a few minutes I take on the entire responsibility of their business surviving onto my shoulders 😆 and feel like I MUST buy something

I am aware this is a bit nuts and frankly unhelpful to anyone. Does anyone else have this curse?! Where does it come from?! I’m 43 from south east England if that makes any difference.

YES!! Exactly this last week but I ended up buying something that I don't really need / can't afford / don't love. Why? 😏

😂I thought it was just a me thing

PS
52 Scottish

There was a very similar thread last week.
My tip - don't think about it that much.
"I'm just looking today thanks" or "I can't buy now but I might be back" is all you need to say.
Market stalls sellers might be happy to haggle prices (not all but some do) so you might end up with a bargain.
But honestly...five minutes after you have left they probably won't even remember you.

Same

This. 100%

They are often so very silent! Stick some music on and break the uncomfortable eye contact deadlock 🤣

I relate to this so hard! 😂

From previous experience definitely just say you’re just looking or will think about it and return. My friend runs a junk/second hand shop and she’d rather people buy something they’re happy with, than buy something they’re not happy with. She spends ages helping customers find the right item in her shop and that’s why she gets repeat customers (including me).

I went shopping in a little town full of these types of shops, we joked about taking a deep breath and going for it as we entered them, knowing we’d feel awkward once inside. It’s because they’re so quiet with one member of staff who you know is really, really hoping for a sale and it feels like you just entered their living room to have a snoop around. They can hear all your comments about how nice things are but ultimately you don’t need any of it so you awkwardly thank them and leave empty handed.

Craft tables at fairs are even worse.

I always state my intention - I've never been here before and am looking around but am unlikely to buy anything. Or I'm just browsing today thanks. If I am looking with something in mind and don't find it I will always say Thanks but I didn't find what I wanted today. I'll be in another time.

Because you've been brainwashed by huge multinationals into thinking that soulless identikit chains are the 'normal' way to shop.

I love independent shops but the owners can be very chatty. The pressure to buy even though they don’t directly say it is huge. I walked out with more perfume I didn’t need 😂 I love how the shops are decorated though. They seem to have more quirky decor.

Definitely me too! They’re usually really expensive too.

I prefer a charity shop. Better bargains amd can support a charity .

No it’s because there’s usually nobody or very few people in the Indy shops and you feel watched.

We pay for a music licence in our art gallery. Without music it's a bit sad.. I can usually tell if people are open to speaking or not. A lot of small shops have signs like browsers welcome.

Omg PLEASE do not say ‘I’ll be back’. Because we know you won’t and it’s annoying.

This is the recent thread, admittedly about markets, but might be helpful.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5549861-to-feel-awkward-shopping-at-markets?page=1

Is "I might be back" ok then ?

One reason I would not open this kind of shop - which is a shame I know , however I do think music helps, plus no pressure - plus a sign saying browsers very welcome etc !!

This is me!

I almost bought a child's chair today that I actually didn't want just because the salesperson saw me looking at it and then spend time talking to me about it.

I feel rude and awkward if I don't buy anything. Funnily enough, the feeling passes as soon as I leave the shop. It's like a weird magic spell.

I used to but I don’t feel awkward or guilty anymore. I’m not obligated to buy anything. I always say thank you on my way out though as a politeness.

I’m exactly like this, on holiday this week in a nice town with these kind of shops and I feel I should support them (mind you I have dh with me and I can’t shop anyway as he’s always one step behind me😂

But you don't know if there is something you want until you look, and you have to go in to look. Once you have looked, they may well not have what you want. Businesses are well aware this is how things work. They don't expect everyone entering their store to buy something.

I felt bad for a moment at the weekend in a clothes shop, but my experience made me re-evaluate how I look at things. The member of staff gave feedback on the clothes I tried on and commented very specifically on why they weren't flattering or didn't work, talking about how they dress models, and why I wouldn't be right to model the clothes I tried on, and how clothes should fit/hang/drape on you. She was absolutely fantastic, didn't for a moment make me feel bad about myself and was really objective. Best service I have ever had trying on clothes, but it meant I didn't buy anything as that particular store didn't really cater for people with large boobs. I did share with her how bad I felt, but she was so reassuring and she felt like she had done a good job. I think this resonates with what a PP said about people wanting others to have things that they love/really want. I am sure it's so much more rewarding.

I also work in a profession where people may choose not to work with you because you don't click, they don't like the look of you, judge you on age/gender/ethnicity/appearance or it's just not a good fit but having that relationship is vital to the work I do. I would never ever feel annoyed by someone who met/contacted me for my services, but didn't proceed because it didn't feel right. It could be perceived as a highly personal rejection/criticism, but I appreciate just because one person doesn't gel with my style, doesn't make me bad or rubbish. I know I am the perfect fit for lots of other people.