How can I encourage my 14-year-old son to eat lunch at school?

[marvelousmarmaladian]

Does anyone have any ideas how to get a 14 year old boy to eat lunch at school? He always used to but has completely stopped this year. I worry as he is in the middle of a puberty growth spurt, he was previously overweight but is definitely not now after growing about a foot. I'm worried that he is not getting anything to eat between breakfast ( at 6.30 am and when he comes home 4.30 pm). Would this worry you?

Just been through this and honestly just had to wait it out. He was just coming home and eating lunch at 4pm. What we did was make him a breakfast even if it was early so at least one meal was being eaten. To give you some hope, he's sorted it out himself in six form now he can go to the shops at lunch with mates.

My daughter won’t go anywhere near the lunchroom so it was a matter of working out what foods she could eat while wandering around. Protein bars and such. She makes up for it later in the day but lunch is more snack like.

Big breakfast, savoury snack (eg toast) after school and big evening meal. Maybe followed by savoury supper. It’s a bit long, but he would cope.

Now gets two main meals from the canteen most days.

Ditto here. 14yo DD and she barely eats anything at school. I offer her food to take that is easy to eat ‘on the go’. Most of it comes home in her bag.

School lunch canteens are a nightmare. She has money on her school lunch account but refuses to stand in the massive queues or buy any of the food she describes as rank.

Is there a reason why he doesn’t eat at school ?

If it’s because he just wants to get outside and see his friends/play football etc then I probably wouldn’t worry too much. Just stock him up well at breakfast and maybe move his dinner earlier for when he’s home or send him with something he can eat quickly on the way outside at lunch?

But if he’s not eating because he’s overly concerned about his weight or he’s being picked on in the lunch hall etc then that would need more looking into.

Can’t he just take a couple of cereal bars or something? I never ate lunch at school until sixth form as it was so noisy and busy and overwhelming.

My son was like this, lazy sod couldn’t be assed to go to the canteen, so I told him he can take a packed lunch or I’ll make his teacher sit with him to make sure he eats lunch, he obviously chose packed lunch.

I didn't eat at school for years. I didn't have a weight problem just not hungry. Grew tall and now am a size 14 (perhaps should go back to it!)

You need to find out why he isn't eating at school? Is it eating itself that's a problem or a time thing or a rather be doing something else thing. The kids hardly get any time for lunch now. At DS2s school they got half an hour but that included getting to the dinner hall, queuing, finding a table, eating, tidying up and getting to their next classroom. And if you were on last lunch you may as well not bother as there was no food left anyway. Ask him if he would prefer to take snacks to keep him going.

Will he take a pack up?

Im amazed any kids eat at school, the queuing up, the rubbish food, then the time to eat it, then you hae to try to find time to get to the loo, then get to your next lesson, in what 30 or so minutes?

Its a disgrace

Packed lunch, school meal or from local shops?

My 15yr old won't take a packed lunch it's 'so.embarrassing' to take your own food into school. He'd rather go hungry. He gets a weekly budget to spend instead, he knows if it's not enough he can top up with food from home, but he won't.

Sorry, no school dinners where I live, but there is a canteen with lots of lovely things but he says the queues are too long. I've been sending him with a packed luncg for years he has just decided not to eat at school. I do worry that someone has commented ins some way when he was overweight. Weird though as he was happy to eat then and now that he's normal weight he won't eat at school at all. I've tried every cereal bar, protein balls fruit etc.
He has some girls in his year fussing over him that he has an eating disorder. I don't think that's true as he eats quite a lot at home.
He says he's just not hungry ?!?

Maybe he isn't hungry. Some people are more hungry at dinner time and not fussed about breakfast and dinner, others are opposite, others still prefer six small meals throughout the day. Not eating for a few hours isn't inherently unhealthy.

If he's eating a healthy, substantial breakfast, dinner and after school snack then I wouldn't worry too much. If he's restricting food at other mealtimes I would be concerned.

My DD did this. I was making her lunch and she was binning it. I was very worried - we talked about food that she would eat at school, but then binned that too.

we had a very frank chat - now I make her a carby breakfast every day, she takes crisps and a cereal bar to school because she will eat those. And eats when she gets home if she’s hungry. Shes recently added some veg sticks to lunch. At this point I’m happy, eating anything feels better than nothing

Not unusual. Canteens are a nightmare at secondary with not enough time and it's loud and chaotic.

DD took food with her most days. Some fruit, a insulated bottle with a chocolate milk shake (thanks to anxiety she hardly ate, we were just glad she had some calories in her in a way easy to stomach), some healthier cereal bars or some homemade baked goods. Nothing which needed to be kept cool so no embarrassing cool bag to lug around.

She nibbled on things while chatting with friends.

Later at 6th form she would go out and grab a meal deal or get a toastie.

My son never really ate at lunch time.

he just hated how busy canteens were.
it didn’t really do him any harm and he ate lots outside school.

if your dc is eating fine outside school I wouldn’t worry. If he is restricting generally I would

As a secondary school teacher, can I reassure you that a huge number of DC don't eat at lunch. I see them every day binning their packed lunch or giving it to their mates. Or they buy a cake and a drink from the canteen and eat only that.

Mostly it's because they're more interested in chatting or chilling out or kicking a ball about on the field. By 3.30pm, most of them are ravenous and planning to raid the cupboards when they get home.

If there's a true issue or it's actual food avoidance, that is different but not bothering with lunch is common. They're then very difficult to teach in the afternoon because they're starving!

Mine don’t eat lunch. They get 35 mins and would spend 25 in the queue. They stuff their pockets with bars, bananas etc and then devour the fridge when they get home.

The insulated drink bottle is a good idea. Thanks. He loves any kind of milk drink , hot or cold, so this might work. At the moment he only takes a bottle of water.

I forgot, he has started insisting on serving himself dinner, and gives himself half the portion I would give an adolescent boy. That;s adding to my worry.

I’d be worried.
At our school I would say most take packed lunches but a good number have hot lunches from the canteen. My eldest has it maybe 1/2 times a week.
She eats loads at school. Her lunch bag always comes back empty and sometimes she buys extra snacks too! They’re there for 6 hours.
If his friends have commented about him having an eating disorder I’d be listening. They clearly are eating at school. He’s a growing teenage boy. Usually they’re eating you out of house and home!

That would ring alarm bells for me.

I don't have boys but know from friends that they are emptying the fridge on a daily basis.

I would try to engage him in a conversation, do you drive him somewhere regularly? I found that getting a teen to talk in a different environment than at home is often easier.

Not eating at school is pretty normal as demonstrated by the replies here. Avoiding eating in the comfort of home is more concerning. Have you made eating into a big deal? Someone hovering and watching what you eat might kill his appetite.