How can I encourage my 14-year-old son to eat lunch at school?

[marvelousmarmaladian]

Does anyone have any ideas how to get a 14 year old boy to eat lunch at school? He always used to but has completely stopped this year. I worry as he is in the middle of a puberty growth spurt, he was previously overweight but is definitely not now after growing about a foot. I'm worried that he is not getting anything to eat between breakfast ( at 6.30 am and when he comes home 4.30 pm). Would this worry you?

The insisting on serving himself rings some alarm bells. Not because I think it’s a bad thing, but because he should have been in control of his portions years ago. Might be worth considering if you are hovering a bit more than a teenager would like.

I suppose that's possible but if I dont take him food he won't eat ( or will just eat junk or chew gum). The chewing gum is a new thing to. I recently took him away for the weekend and he insisted on getting up early and walking to the shop to buy gum. That seemed weird. The night before we'd been out and he'd eaten a huge dinner then came home and said he felt sick and threw it all up.
This is sounding worse the more I write.

No, it's not a good idea.

He's 14, not 14 months. You're not trying to coax a baby into getting their vitamins in with tasty milk drinks here.

Just leave the boy be. Keep an eye, of course, but dial back the frantic-PFB-mummy energy.

Teenagers not eating in school - normal. Drinking only water - normal. A previously overweight teenager now limiting mums large portions and refusing her frequent snack-pushing - normal (and sensible!).

It's totally normal to be worried but I think you need to try to give him a bit of space with this and let him find his new normal. Have plenty of healthy options in the house, keep an eye on his meals at home, but it's really quite normal to avoid eating at school and not something to be particularly concerned about. The more you hover around him, the more he's likely to push back to get some control.

Using gum is a well known eating disorder trick.
Is he eating dinner at home usually
now? Breakfast?

My 12 year old is fussy and takes healthy meals like homemade sushi or tuna whole meal pasta in a thermos. Try and get him involved in healthy positive bonding food prep- I know it’s difficult to make time but I think it is worth it.

Dropping lunch, gum and reducing portion sizes are signs of an eating disorder, if you post this same thing on the eating disorders board you will get some very different responses and much more helpful responses.

I went through a phase of this as a teenager. I used to save the money I was given to buy lunch and not eat anything at school. I lost weight and saved a bit of cash so it was a win win in my teenage eyes.

it’s probably just a phase but I’d put some snacks in his bag and make sure he has a sandwich or something when he gets in from school.

You can’t. He’s 14

This. I think this is more than just not wanting to eat lunch at school.

I Would have a close look at his browsing and Social Media habits as well.

@marvelousmarmaladian there is an eating disorders topic on here. I'd recommend you post some of this on there and see what parents and others with experiences of eating disorders think. Just because he's not shouting about thinking he's fat, or because he's a boy, it doesn't make him immune to these problems.

Yes . Small amounts

I have a very fussy 13 year old DS who doesn’t eat at school but dives straight into yoghurt and a large bowl of cereal when he gets home. Not great, I know but it’s something. He will sometimes face the canteen but even then there are few things he will eat, and they often run out. He won’t take anything to school anymore but he is eating after school, dinner and snacks. Maybe your DS is scared of going back to being over weight? Maybe try to work out from what you know he’s eating what his calorie intake might be, it could be ok and might be balanced enough. My mother put at least twice as much on our plates than we saw any of our friends get served!