Is it normal to panic after a wanted first pregnancy?

[minniemoominn]

I’ve just found out I am pregnant with my first baby and I am panicking. My husband and I got married last year and always said we would start trying in June. We are in a very good position and a baby has been much discussed.

Instead of actively trying we decided we would stop being safe and see what happens to take the pressure off. I have stage 4 endometriosis which has required several surgeries to unglue a frozen pelvis so I was unsure if I could ever get pregnant and I assumed it would take a very long time. I’ve chatted with doctors, started folic acid etc. Miraculously I got pregnant the first time I and I know how incredibly lucky I am.

This baby is very much wanted so why am I panicking so much? Is this normal? I feel completely filled with fear. I haven’t told my husband yet because I didn’t expect to feel the way I do. I think maybe it’s the fact that I expected it to take a while but I expected to be screaming with excitement.

I was just wondering if anyone else felt like this? I very much want the baby but I don’t know why I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack.

I got pregnant first try soon after we were married and was in complete denial for several weeks, almost assuming I’d miscarry so no point getting excited about it. There’s so much out there about difficulties conceiving, I found it hard to get my head around it being easy. Then I panicked about making maternity leave work. That baby is 2 and half now, and we also have a nearly 8mo also conceived in first month. With that one I saved the denial/panic phase for the birth - had to get nappies and newborn clothes out of the loft at 41 weeks pregnant!

Anyway, congratulations and sending sticky baby dust your way!

Oh yes I remember that feeling. We were actively trying but when I saw the positive test I think I had a panic attack. Pretty much the whole pregnancy I was anxious/fearful because it’s the unknown! You have your highs throughout like scans, hearing the heartbeat but it’s completely normal! P.s I didn’t feel fearful or anxious with number 2 I think purely because I knew what to expect.

Had a termination for medical reasons for a baby with a genetic disorder, then 3 rounds of IVF that didn’t work, got pregnant naturally and STILL cried and worried I’d ruined my life 😆

You’re absolutely fine, it really is the most wonderful life changing in a good way experience.

Im not going to tell you to relax and don't worry because it's not going to help. First pregnancy is fraught with Anxiety, in my experience. It does NOT HELP when people tell you to calm down etc. And it does not help that all the glossy magazines do not help. First pregnancy ( first said in retrospect) My First pregnancy was a journey into Hell where I almost went insane eith anxiety. I was luckily, supported by a Good GP in the day. I never thought I would come through. Every day was just doing all the every day things which one is supposed to do , but I was bewildered and I also had to give up work and go long term sick. I ve since found out that it's called PRE NATAL DEPRESSION. As a fully recovered mother, now all kids grown up and gone, I understand that every mother to be needs other supportive maternal role models around every day in the first few weeks at least. I had to go on medication AFTER BABY WAS BORN; which helped my recovery. I was afraid it all would affect the baby and I will never really know. But I needed help and the medical profession swung into action. If you speak to your Doctor then EXTRA support will be put in place, not interfering AND I might say , with my last baby : I was allowed ONE WEEK IN HOSPITAL AFTER HER DELIVERY which was amazing to say the least and preventeded any PND.

Totally normal, and maybe more so when it happens first month of trying. My friend got pregnant in the first month and she was completely shell shocked as she thought she’d have at least 6 months of trying.

We took a bit longer to get pregnant and even then my first reaction was shock and nerves as it is completely life changing.

100% girl!!! I’m 34 weeks pregnant and I PANICKED when I found out I was pregnant in December even though we had been trying only for a month. I went through a whole range of emotions. Worries about if I’ll be a good enough mum, worries about my ability to cope, worries about the relationship (we’ve been together 14 years 😂) I was then ILL with symptoms from week 6-18 and this added to my mood being down the drain. Also I had low vitamin d as it was the depth of winter so that didn’t help. I still have some worries now and can’t get my head round that in 5 weeks a little baby will be here, but I’m feeling much more positive as the worries are short lasting.
please also tell your midwife all your worries when they told me lots of women feel the same in terms of anxious and not bonded in the earlier days it did help me feel less bad to be honest!
I don’t even know if I feel excited yet as I am now just focused on my birth choices and hypnobirthing so feel that tolerating the uncertainty and unknown birth experience is overriding anything else at the moment.
some women get really excited straight away and talk to the baby all the time, I find it difficult to talk to him all the time but I do try a bit :) it was also hard until I felt him move at about 18 -19 weeks and then this helped me bond a bit more. My first 2 scans (private 7 weeks and NHS 12 weeks) were like I was siting in someone else scan appointment. 20 week scan felt a bit better but I was more focused on it being “everything is okay no visible abnormalities”. Then I had a private scan at 33 weeks and saw his big chubby face and that made it a bit more real. But it still feels no real, even though my bump is enormous he’s moving regularly and I know he’s there 😂. It’s okay to cry be worried and go through everything. Tell your partner. It’s okay to go through those things together ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Perfectly normal reaction. It’s just your brain catching up with the news.

Congratulations. I got pregnant with my eldest about the same time of year. Much wanted baby. I was shell shocked at first.

DS was born the following Spring. A great time of year to have a baby. You will be able to enjoy Xmas as you won’t be too big. And then you have the whole of the Spring and Summer with your lovely baby.

My lovely Spring baby is now 18 and is recovering from his first lads’ holiday as they have all just finished their A levels.

I’m pregnant with my first (conceived through fertility treatment so we knew what we were doing!) and totally get this! DH is terrified and I keep watching One Born Every Minute and thinking oh god what have I done!

I was exactly like this when I found out I was expecting my first and very much planned baby. It’s completely normal, it’s a huge life change after all. It would be a bit odd not to be a bit overwhelmed frankly.

26 years on and that little baby girl and her little brother are the greatest joy of my life. You have a wonderful adventure in front of you, good luck.

100%! I balled my eyes out at the end of an era of carefree adulthood and was terrified at entering this abyss of unknown territory 🤣 Then got emotional in Asda watching a young family going through the checkouts fielding questions from little kids, telling them to not run around, just general chaos of a young family and I was there with DH calmly doing things and mourning that it was all going to change. Then the next second I'm cooing over baby clothes feeling excited. All emotions are valid!

We're now totally the family in Asda with 2 littles and #3 on the way. I love the chaos. Though also sometimes our lovely neighbour sits in with the kids so DH and I can still enjoy a quiet shop together. We enjoy pootling around a supermarket.

Completely normal

My daft moment came the day after I'd given birth, I thought I'd made a huge mistake and told dh I wanted to get her adopted! Same happened after ds was born. Bloody hormones

Totally planned both pregnancies, but conceived both without having a period after 13yrs on the pill. I thought I'd have at least 6 months of trying before falling pregnant.
I didn't even have 1 month of trying, both times. 😱

I remember sitting in the toilet, looking at the test, feeling my stomach 'drop' and feeling like I'd literally just stepped off a cliff. I just kept saying 'Oh f**k' repeatedly'.

I think it was the shock of it happening so bloody quickly, paired with the 13yrs of always doing everything I could to ensure I DIDN'T get pregnant. I felt like I'd done something 'wrong' or 'forbidden', despite being married for 5 yrs and making the decision to start trying?

I also felt guilty for looking at Mothercare magazines too, like I was doing something I shouldn't be? That actually lasted the whole first pregnancy. I'd cover them with shopping in my trolley and put them on the conveyor belt upside down so no-one could see what type of magazine it was ! 😂As if my huge bump wasn't enough of a clue! 😂

Hormones are bloody weird at times, but everything you're feeling is totally normal by my standards. But do discuss your feelings with your midwife if you're worried?

Thank you all, you’re making me feel much better.

Just got my BFP 1-2 weeks on a clear blue test! I could feel my hand shaking as it came up!

DH is currently at work, working from home until 9pm, so hard not to tell him but will tell him once he’s finished as if his reaction is anything like mine he will need time to process and I can’t do that in the middle of the working day.

Totally normal. We were trying for 18 months and were just at the start of investigations at the fertility clinic. I was really broody but once pregnant the fear set in. I don’t actually like babies 🤣. I remember reading the bits about childbirth in the NHS book we were given at 3 months and just sobbing. I survived and even did it for a second time. Would have had a third if DH had agreed.

It's probably because you were expecting it to take so much longer, In your head you probably had more time to plan! Many congratulations! Any pregnancy can bring up a range of emotions so please don't worry.
Time to think up an exiting way to tell your partner ❤️

Absolutely normal! I was the same with my second and third kid. They were both very much wanted but I was crying endlessly and feeling guilty, regret and not sure I wanted them. I think the hormones were messing around with my brain!

Absolutely normal. I tried for 2 years and had three miscarriages before falling pregnant with my son. I had been so focused on the getting pregnant part, I hadn’t gotten to the having a kid part and, about two weeks after finding out I was pregnant and having a scan to confirm all ok, I was instantly filled with doubt that I couldn’t actually cope with being a parent, after all (history of moderate mental ill health!) and felt so confused and ashamed that I wasn’t filled with joy, every single second, having fought so hard to get to where I was. It passed and then you focus on preparing your life for a newborn… and then it comes back and you get over it and you prepare your life for having an older baby and a toddler… and repeat🤗😅😂. The fact you’re already worrying about whether something you feel is bad or not, let alone something you do, shows that you are going to be a great parent. And it is hard and you will struggle but you will endure and you will enjoy and it will be the most amazing thing you experience, in your life, truly. Rely on the people who will let you, be gentle to yourself and focus most on enjoying, not succeeding, cos that’s the bit that’s most important and the part that’s hardest to do. Don’t worry about doing all the things and having all the things - just worry about looking at, cuddling and smelling your baby and eating, washing and resting where possible, for you. It will be great xxx

I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly two days after starting a new job. I have adenomyosis and had convinced myself I either would take ages to get pregnant or would need IVF. The shock sent me into a mental breakdown which required intervention, and I was put on medication by my doctor. The doctor wanted me to know how common a strong mental health reaction is, and it’s way more common that the happy, smiley images you see on social media and in the movies. My anxiety was making me feel like I wouldn’t survive it and my only choice was termination - I’m glad I fought through and didn’t let it win.

Medication combined with CBT led me to have a positive pregnancy, of course with a few anxious moments but no where near as many as I anticipated based on my start. Other people have said this too, but when you have your first scan and see their little heartbeat, and when you start feeling them move, everything changes and it feels so magical.

My little girl is now just over a year old and she’s the best thing I’ve ever done, I love her so much. I’m now also in early pregnancy with my second and I’ve had such an easier time mentally as I know what is happening and what to expect, as the unknown was a big fear for me first time round.

All this to say what you’re experiencing is totally normal. If you ever have a low moment, come back to this thread and let us know and we will all be there in a flash to talk to you and reassure you.

It’s very normal! We tried for 9 months & I was so frustrated we couldn’t conceive. Each time it was a negative result when I tested.

Then when we actually got the positive test result I suddenly panicked & freaked out. Took a good few weeks for the panic to calm down. I know that it doesn’t make sense but that was the truth in how I felt. Both feelings can be true at the same time.

I think it’s totally understandable for you to feel that way when it happened so quickly as well - catches you off guard.

Told my husband as I couldn’t hold it in any longer and felt very relieved to know he felt the same as me. Once we got over the shock and actually talked about it I feel much better.

I don’t think it’s quite sunk in yet but I’m no longer feeling horrified!

I must be weird, then, because I was just very happy and excited both times, but especially with the first.

Completely normal to feel every and any emotion. Congratulations on your pregnancy OP

Of course. Fear about the big future, and the immediate risks, and all the things you don't know. You are having a universal experience ; )

100% normal. Frankly it would be a bit weird NOT to feel anxious about such a big thing even if you hormones weren't haywire. Which they are. Congratulations! Pointless telling you not to worry, but know that you're in the good company of every parent ever whilst you're doing so 😁

Unfortunately I had it confirmed by EPU today that I’ve had a miscarriage :(