Family Holiday

[NoMoreCloudyDays]

I have a big birthday coming up and my partner and I were planning a holiday for it with our children. My sister suggested a family holiday with me, my partner, our children, my siblings with their partners and children and our mum and her partner. Mine and siblings kids are all 18+. We all agreed.

It has come to booking it and my mum and her partner now also want to invite his adult children and their kids, who are aged 12-17.

My mum classes her partners children as her children. She refers to them as my brother and sister but I don’t class them as that. I don’t like them due to things they’ve done and said in the past so I don’t want to go on holiday with them. My brother feels the same and has said he’s not going if they are. My daughter and niece who are 18 really dislike one of their children. My sister has said it would be better without them, but she will go either way and will just be civil.

I have told my mum that we don’t want to go on the holiday if her partners kids are coming as it won’t be enjoyable. My mum has said that she won’t go without them. My mum is now being hostile to me and my brother.

I don’t want to argue and fall out with my mum but I’m not prepared to spend my birthday and a lot of money on a holiday with people I don’t like. It would also be a very different holiday because their kids are younger.

My sister has suggested we just forget the holiday altogether to keep the peace but my brother and I think that is unfair, it was my sister’s idea in the first place and we should still go. We were all looking forward to booking and going away together before the mention of my mums partners children and their children.

What would you do?

Sorry Op you just say to the siblings your doing it with or without them then book something soon your mum is behaving badly holidays are hard enough when you mix the dynamics with people you like let her go on holiday with them. Life is too short to be told what to do as an adult it will spoil all of your holidays so why suffer get the ones who still want to go then tell you mum your just doing siblings and their family and it’s a shame she is going to miss out on your big birthday but it’s not up for discussion. If she’s been hostile then you need to stand up to her she can’t manipulate you to do what she wants these people are not your family and you don’t like them

Can't imagine going on holiday in this toxic dynamic. It's supposed to be enjoyable FFS. One other person would be about my limit!

"My sister has suggested we just forget the holiday altogether to keep the peace but my brother and I think that is unfair, it was my sister’s idea in the first place and we should still go. We were all looking forward to booking and going away together before the mention of my mums partners children and their children.
What would you do?"

Forget the holiday. Let the dust settle.

THEN, Rebook the holiday as it was originally intended, keeping quiet about it to the rest of the families.

Problem solved.

Book a holiday with your siblings , don’t tell her straight away so she can’t book same resort /country and enjoy your original planned holiday .

Mumsnet view on stepparenting and blended families is wild. On another thread there would be absolute outrage if the DM didn’t see them as her family and want to include them.

This isn’t my mums holiday to invite who she wants though. It’s a holiday suggested by my sister, planned with my sister and brother for my birthday, which she and her partner were invited on. If it was for her birthday, it would be different.

Exactly. You just do what you want. Your mum needs to understand how unreasonable she is being.

Go without your mum

We booked a holiday! Me, brother, sister, our partners and children.

My mum and her partner are not happy but we’ve all said tough and that not everything has to include her partners kids. We have made my mum sad apparently and upset our ‘siblings’. 🙄

For once, my sister actually spoke up and pointed out that we don’t think of her partners children as siblings and we have all told her that she needs to stop forcing them and their kids onto us.

My daughter and niece also told her about her partners grandsons awful behaviour, describing him as a misogynist and bully and said they don’t want anything to do with him. My mum doesn’t know what to do because they have shown her what he put on SM so she is trying to find ways to defend him but really can’t.

Holiday booked though so we are happy.

Whatever you do, do NOT tell her the details of the holiday!

Great new good for you !

Enjoy!

Thanks for the update.