Family Holiday

[NoMoreCloudyDays]

I have a big birthday coming up and my partner and I were planning a holiday for it with our children. My sister suggested a family holiday with me, my partner, our children, my siblings with their partners and children and our mum and her partner. Mine and siblings kids are all 18+. We all agreed.

It has come to booking it and my mum and her partner now also want to invite his adult children and their kids, who are aged 12-17.

My mum classes her partners children as her children. She refers to them as my brother and sister but I don’t class them as that. I don’t like them due to things they’ve done and said in the past so I don’t want to go on holiday with them. My brother feels the same and has said he’s not going if they are. My daughter and niece who are 18 really dislike one of their children. My sister has said it would be better without them, but she will go either way and will just be civil.

I have told my mum that we don’t want to go on the holiday if her partners kids are coming as it won’t be enjoyable. My mum has said that she won’t go without them. My mum is now being hostile to me and my brother.

I don’t want to argue and fall out with my mum but I’m not prepared to spend my birthday and a lot of money on a holiday with people I don’t like. It would also be a very different holiday because their kids are younger.

My sister has suggested we just forget the holiday altogether to keep the peace but my brother and I think that is unfair, it was my sister’s idea in the first place and we should still go. We were all looking forward to booking and going away together before the mention of my mums partners children and their children.

What would you do?

I think you have misunderstood. Me, brother, sister and my mums partners children are all adults in our 30s and 40s. We don’t like them.

My daughter and niece who are both 18 dislike one of the kids (mums partners GC) who is 17 so not really adults hating kids. The lad dated one of their friends, cheated on her and put some horrible things about her on social media. I don’t blame them for disliking him.

I guess it’s good that your mum consider her partners family as part of her family, supporting the step kids (and step grandchildren) so to speak, especially if she’s been with him a long time.

However, I’m sorry that your birthday celebration has been hijacked. I would curtail it and have an immediate family holiday at most, ie, your dp and your kids.

Maybe if you want to celebrate with your sister and families, have a meal out or a day at the zoo.

I don’t mind her not coming if she feels it would be leaving out the others. I don’t agree with her and it isn’t what I’d do, but it’s her life.

The thing that annoys me is that she’s trying to make us feel bad for it and has my sister thinking it should just be cancelled. So we can’t have a holiday together as siblings with our children now because she has a partner with children that must be included if they want to be. If the three of us go with our partners and kids, the hostility will continue.

Just going a holiday with your siblings! Stuff your mum and these non related adults!

@NoMoreCloudyDays how long have your mum and her partner been together?

Just book an adults only holiday with your siblings and kids. Nothing worse than people trying to cram in unrelated children who act like brats because they married into it.

So we can’t have a holiday together as siblings

You absolutely can. There's nothing stopping this happening. If your mother chooses to be hostile that's fine, doesn't mean you need to provide her with an audience.

I would just plan a siblings holiday. Pick an adults only resort and invite your mum to join you if she wants. If she doesn’t, then oh well.

Sounds like you weren’t all raised together and you don’t mind burning bridges so just do what works for you.

About 25 years so a long time, but me and my siblings were in our twenties when my mum met her partner, his kids were are 10 and 15 years younger than me so it was a strange dynamic. I never lived with them and my brother and sister only lived with them for a short time. We are not any kind of siblings as much as my mum and her partner try to make it seem that way.

Fuck it. Go on holiday Otherwise you never will again, tear off the bandaid , and she can be shitty with her 3 children if she wants. But they won’t be on your holiday and you’ll have a great time.

She's emotionally blackmailing you. You should not allow her to get away with that and reward her bad behaviour. Go away with your siblings and their families and let her stew and reflect on her actions (I say sanctimoniously 😁).

Yeah, that’s not a sibling relationship. I think you should be able to go on holiday without them. If your mum chooses not to go, that’s her choice, but I’d still go with your siblings if you want to.

I’d just go with my siblings and niece and nephew, you’re mum is being selfish and unreasonable, it’s your birthday

Agree with the band aid analogy. Go as siblings. This issue will always raise its head at graduations, weddings etc.

Are there any step siblings on your Dad's side, if so would your DM consider them as siblings in the same way as her step children? I'm not suggesting inviting anybody else, just wondering. I agree just going with your siblings and families is the best idea.

I'd go with your siblings. Your mum has made her choice. It would be different if it was just a general holiday or your mum had proposed the trip but it's for your birthday so you're entitled to go with who you want there.

I'd go with your sibs and leave your mum at home!

Yes, book a holiday for you and your siblings and your families. Invite your mum and her partner. Book an adult only place or during term time if suitable. If your mum won't come that's up to her. Her step children and step grandchildren don't feel like family to you and it's your birthday.

I'd say this is your mum's problem. If she won't go without her partner's kids, that's up to her. Her choice. But don't let that stop you going away with your brother and sister. So your mum's being a twat - fine. Let her be a twat. It's her loss.

From what you've said here, it doesn't sound as if your mum would be someone it would be a lot of fun to spend a holiday with anyway.

You could also just stick to your original plan of going away with your own partner and kids and having a lovely time?

“It’s my birthday mum therefore l get to decide who is invited -not you. We want you and ((your partner)) to come but if you don’t want to that’s your choice. ((Mums partners children)) are not my siblings. It’s nice that you think of them equal to your actual children but that’s your choice, not one you can force on us.
I certainly wouldn’t get upset if I wasn’t invited on a holiday with ((names of mums partners children)) because we are not related to them and we don’t like them either”.

Blended families eh! People we don’t care about foisted on us under the pretence of ‘family’. Yuk.

Just go with your siblings plus families, your mum can decide to come without her partners kids or miss it. It does sound like though you are all holding grudges, I’m sure it is a bit deeper than you are saying here

Just text that It’s a holiday for full siblings and full nieces and nephews only. mum and her partner can come if they still want to. It will be adults only.

nothing for you to feel guilty about. Step siblings are not the same neither are half siblings especially if there’s a big age difference. I don’t even think of my half siblings as family tbh as I never got to see them, however bad that sounds.

If she says anything else if you have step siblings on your dads side say they have to come as well then.

I would forget the holiday it sounds like it's all got out of hand.
It's going to be very expensive and what's the point if it's not what you want for your birthday.

Look at keeping the celebration more low key with the people you want to invite.

Shame your mum can't see your point of view but it sounds like she's not going to change her mind now x

Book an adult only hotel, tell your mum that you want an adult only holiday, and she and partner are welcome to come. No children though