Pregnant after ONS with friend. Do I tell him?

[Fivelea]

A few weeks ago a very long-standing and wonderful friend came to stay. I have known him over 20 years. I honestly don't know why or how, but out of nowhere we had sex.

We used a condom, but astonishingly and for reasons I can't fathom I discovered yesterday that I am pregnant.

I don't want to keep the baby. I have two older children from my former marriage (both teens) and whilst my friend is a genuinely lovely man he is in a similar position. Co parenting would not work for many many reasons.

The pregnancy is in its earliest stages and I plan on stopping it. But I don't know whether to tell him. I love him dearly as a friend (the sex was a completely out of character one time thing) and would never want to keep a secret from him. But this one is so big and potentially complicated that it outweighs others. I wouldn't want to muddy the waters around my decision, or make him feel bad in any way. Nobody else knows and I can keep a secret (I had an abortion at 19 and nobody knows about that decades later). What do people think? Tell or don't tell?

No don’t tell him

I wouldn't tell him, it adds unnecessary complications

Why on earth does he have a right to know that?

As a man, I can see why on earth I'd be entitled know know. Until there's a baby, its entirely the mother's medical information to do what she will with.

Thanks for everyone's replies. To answer some of them:
@Cheese55 I absolutely know he didn't take it off. I would never suspect such a thing from my friend in the first place, but I saw anyway.
@Heyhelga It would only be found out third hand if I told someone. I have never told a soul about my previous abortion in 2004 and unless I tell him I won't be telling anyone.
@Myfridgeiscool I don't think I do / would need support. But I'm sure he would give it if he knew. He is a gentleman and has been my friend and confidante for 20+ years.
@TheScreen The condom was mine. I wonder whether the fact that it had sat in my drawer for a long time is the reason it failed!

I don't know for sure that he didn't have it on correctly but it certainly looked fine before and afterwards. I really don't have any idea how this could've occurred. Some kind of very unlucky contamination afterwards maybe. God knows.

Condoms aren't perfect, even if you use them perfectly. No contraception is.

DD turned up despite both condoms and the pill. (And then decided to spend nine months being a stealth foetus!)

People love a conspiracy theory on here, but the simplest explanation is usually the right one. You had sex, sometimes that results in a pregnancy no matter how careful you are.

Sounds like you've done a good job of keeping the friendship going despite getting overly intimate (I know how difficult that can be, me and my best friend barely spoke for six months after a single drunken kiss!). Don't let people on here put doubt in your mind based on fuck all evidence, they're only doing it for sport.

No need to tell him. It may change what is clearly a very valued friendship. You are comfortable with your decision that it yours alone to make. I wish you well

Why?

If op terminates then nothing has changed in his world.

If she tells him then his world will change.

No don’t tell. You deal with it how you want to l. You control the situation good luck

I wouldn’t tell him either. There’s no point

I agree.

Honestly, no. He does not need to know. You are perfectly within your rights to have a termination without having to consult him, especially in the circumstances you describe. No good will come of telling him & nothing will be achieved except more awkward conversations & straining the friendship further. All the best.

p.s. And yes condoms do have an expiry date.

I know about the expiry dates! In fact it was a reference to the fact that I'd had condoms in my drawer since 2022 which turned the conversation sex-wards on the fateful evening!

I didn't check the expiry date prior to use but I have done since and whilst they are still in date it's touch and go so I have thrown the remainder away!

I wouldn’t tell him.