My view on Proms

[SuitcaseAndSecrets]

School proms are relatively new in the UK.
Traditionally, British schools had things like:
A leavers' disco
A sixth-form ball
A school dinner or awards evening
The American-style "prom" only really became widespread in the late 1990s and 2000s, helped by US films and TV shows such as American Pie and High School Musical. Schools and parents started adopting the idea of a big end-of-school celebration with formal dresses, suits, limousines, professional photos, and fancy venues.
A lot of people have frustration with the cost. What was once a simple school dance can now involve:
£100-£300+ dresses
Suit hire
Hair and makeup
Transport (sometimes limos)
Tickets for the venue
Professional photography
For some families it can easily end up costing several hundred pounds for one evening.
The odd thing is that much of the pressure doesn't come from schools themselves. It's often social media and comparison with what other students are doing. A perfectly normal £30 dress can feel "not enough" when everyone's posting glamorous photos online.
My daughters age 41 and 33 didn't go to theirs.. l was happy with a leavers disco..
We seem to be becoming American.. with Baby showers too.

They are not new. Mine was in England in 1996 and it was great. We are not becoming American. We have taken a few of their ideas and put our own spin on it. You don't have to spend a fortune you silly person or get in a tizz about it when there are so many more important and awful things in life to worry about. Borrow a dress, rent a dress, buy a cheap dress, take your own photos, drive your child their yourself or ask a friend with a nicer car to it for you. Use your imagination to create a special memory. Its called.having fun. So many people putting a dampner on everything fun or nice or silly these days because of 'costs'. Where there is a will there is a way. We're not well off. We arr saving a little each month now as daughter in year 10 and clubbing together with some other parents for a limo. Renting dresses and they are all borrowing our bags and shoes as we are mums who have loads of heels and bags between us they all love. All getting together at one house to do hair and make up together so that.won't cost anything. We will take our own photos. All bring a few nibbles and bottles of fizz. Job done!

In Year 11, we arranged our own prom. The organisers were elected and they did an awesome job. Zero involvement of the school. They told the venue it was a Year 13 Leavers' Ball so the bar was open and people snuck in booze! I think most of the year went.

My parents always hosted the post-prom party, too, where we continued the drinking, dancing and general fun. It was great.

I think that was me!
I'm astonished that any prom would have a bar serving alcohol to 15/16 year olds.
That kids will have alcohol before/during/after certainly less surprising!

Yep.

What kids sneak in is one thing, but refusing to go to your GCSE prom because school won't serve it is worrying.

Our kids in Scotland had prom in a hotel, not in school. This is an older age group than in England, many will have been 18 since February/March. DS was 18 the day before prom. But it's strictly no alcohol on sale at all.

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My kids had an amazing time at their proms! My son had a girlfriend but most did not and they went to a pre party and yes someone had a connection with a car dealer who lent them drivers to do a loop around town. My son wore my father’s tuxedo. My DD had a silent disco and she and her friends met up on the beach and a parent had hired a fancy car to take them to the prom. They looked so great - her dress was £100, but so beautiful.
So what it comes from the US? At least it’s not a couple thing here and traditional ‘rite of passage’ 😳! It’s alcohol free (until the after party at some brave parent's house), and loads of fun. And why not celebrate? I didn’t go to my prom in the US because I wasn’t asked, and it was definitely a couple thing back then.

I left secondary school in 1991, and we were the first year at my school to have a school prom! No, it wasn't as elaborate as school proms are these days but we still wore pretty dresses, the boys in suits and it was held off school site at the local David Lloyd club. So no, school proms have been around much longer than you imagine, here in the UK!

My daughter’s primary school leavers prom was last night. It was in the wee local church hall. The kids had an awesome time. My daughter’s dress was from Shein as I refused to shell out the £200-£300 that some were spending on dresses. Some even had push up bras and fake tan- these are 11/12 year olds. I blinged hers up with a little jewelled belt. At first she felt a little insecure that hers was a cheaper dress but when she was all all dressed up she forgot all that and looked amazing! My sister did her hair and her cousin helped with a little make up. Thankfully my dd doesn’t wear a lot. All in all it cost
£35 prom cost per head
£30 for nails done
£30 for dress, shoes and accessories/jewellry.

Someone tried to organise limos but it would have ended up costing £50 a head so everyone pulled out!

So all in all not too bad cost wise. I think primary school proms are newish but not secondary school ones. I had one in 1997.

We had a prom 39 years ago this year. My granny made my dress. And I got drunk. But it was definitely called the prom.

eta. We were in ball gowns - well, meringues 🤣🤣🤣🤣 - and the boys were all in black tie. It was held in a local hotel.

Baby showers as done by Brits who don’t do them properly are shite. The traditional American baby showers are a beautiful way to help a mother/couple get a few things for the baby and to celebrate with food and cake. Not “grabby” at all.

Where I live, most of the kids turn up on tractors because you can legally drive them at 16…

OP - what is the difference between a prom and a Sixth Form ball?

I love prom! Both my DC had theirs a good few years ago. Just a fantastic day/eve seeing them with their friends all dressed up - I'm a sucker for emotional moments and big memories and just to stand there watching them and thinking back to all those years they've been at school and how they have changed. And then imagining their futures all ahead of them.

You also don't have to spend a fortune. Where I live, there are some great community places where you can pick up dresses and suits really reasonably and for free. Also lots of local people offer cars for free to take the kids to their prom - it's actually a really lovely community event where people seem to come and out help others. But that's my experience and opinion though of course.

My school leaving do (as it was called) in the 90s was in the function room of a local hotel. Previously it had just been in the school hall. It was a disco with a beige buffet and slightly warm squash. Everyone just wore their going out type clothes.

A few years ago I knew someone who spent about £1000 on her daughter’s prom dress (trips to a boutique shop 80 miles away), make-up, hair etc. Apparently it was all about the “big reveal” when she stepped out the car upon arrival.

The daughter had changed schools in year 10/11 so had found it hard to break into friendship groups and she had an accident a few weeks before so she was on crutches. The poor girl was apparently mostly ignored by her “friends” and spent most of the night sat with the teachers. Felt really sorry for her.

Are you feeling really irritated by the heat?
The OP agreed with her daughter and thought it would make an interesting post for people to give opinions on. She is probably interested in others peoples opinions.

The real question is why did YOU post? Trying to make her feel small or awkward? Hoping she might be a bit humiliated by your perceptive comments?

I think proms are unnecessary, quite ridiculous to be honest. Just another way to show off or try to keep up with the Joneses. I really feel for less well off parents and the pressure they must feel over it.

The sooner proms (and baby & bridal showers, come to think of it) are done away with, the better.

It’s definitely not a new thing.

My prom was 15 years ago, my partners 19 years ago. Both of which were held at the school, posh dresses and suits, various transport including limos and a lot of tractors (we live in the countryside) and yes it is Americanised but you know what, who cares?

As a teenager, leaving school- the prom is exciting and fun and a way to celebrate and mark the end of your school life. I’m all for it and I can’t wait for when it’s that time for my children (long way to go yet).

Don’t be so miserable OP

This again? The leaving party/disco (black tie though no limos) at my school in the UK in 1992 was called a "prom".

It is quite strange to start a thread that is titled ’my view on proms’ and then say that it’s her daughter’s view after all and that proms are all terrible and new fangled but that her daughters are 33 and 41 and didn’t go to their proms so they are not new at all.

Let’s do away with all celebrations while we’re at it! They’re all entirely unnecessary. Birthdays? Frivolous. Weddings? Completely performative. Christening parties? Just do the ceremony then go home, no one needs a party.
Sometimes, people do things not because they’re necessary, but because they’re fun.

I left school in 1983 - last O level paper was maths on 24th June. Despite still being only 15 (bday in August), we all went to the pub that lunchtime to celebrate - back in the day before Challenge 25. I went to see the Boomtown Rats in concert that night with a couple of friends. Happy memories, no expensive dress, shoes, hair or make-up required!
My boys all had proms. They were all more interested in the After Party than the actual prom!

I have twin girls so prom £35 each.
DD1 dress vinted £20 alteration £30 shoes 15
DD2 dress ASOS £60 shoes £30
I only promised hairdresser and they have commented is too expensive £50each but I want them to have a nice hair.
Makeup, nails, jewellery, lashes they will do by themslef.
Friend dad is picking them up .
I did have prom and I had great time but I'm against to pay thousands of £ . My girls are sensible.