Should I be arranging summer outings for my 12 and 15 year olds?

[Kermitt]

My ds’s don’t go out with friends. They may have undiagnosed asd but they are happy enough. At school they have social groups but this doesn’t extend to out of school activities. Neither of them is fussed - they spend their time on iPads, pcs. Summer is approaching. They are too old for holiday clubs. Should I be arranging outings for them? They would probably be ok if I did but wonder if they are too old. They are 15 and 12. Just really not sure what to do

If they aren’t going out with friends, six weeks is a long time to sit at home, so yes I’d try and organise getting out at least one day a week.

I would ask them if they want to invite friends over for lunch or something

I don’t think I’d want my dds of that age sat at home all day every day. Ideally it would be out with friends, but that’s not an option, so yes, if you can do it, either at least once a week a full day trip out no screens, or maybe a bike ride/walk with you every day for an hour?

I have DC who are 14 and 16. They do arrange some things themselves but it can tail off a bit over the summer as everyone is away at different times. I tend to still arrange a couple of things every week eg trip to the fun swimming pool with slides, escape room, shopping.

Those were really difficult ages in my house. There was nowhere they were bothered going, and they didn’t want friends over. One diagnosed, one not but borderline.

I think they really needed the long stretch of low arousal time. But I found those summer holidays a bit of a struggle.

Now (16,17) they have friends coming and going now, trips booked, work and fun projects lined up.

I wouldn’t be overly happy with six weeks on screens

Of course. Do you want them to just sit at home on their iPads for six weeks?

We tried the friends over when they were younger, but invites back weren't common. I don’t think ds15 would want to do that now. I could try with the 12 year old though. Allthough house is small/messy so I’m put off a bit. I could just take them cinema / bowling etc like I did when they were younger. They are taller than me now and we see other kids out with friends . In some ways I feel girls are easier as it’s more common for them to hang out with their mums

it just seems so hard with teenagers when they were young there were so many lovely activities in the summer

I don't understand why you think it's an issue taking them somewhere? You have two boys fairly close in age. Can you not just drop them off at the cinema together or at a big shopping centre and they can just hang out and do stuff together?

Gym is a good activity for boys to do together. Better gyms have Junior Memberships for £5 per month. Other gyms probably have Junior Memberships too, but my daughter has been using Better gyms so I know them.

They are definitely not too old for trips out with mum.

Take them swimming, to the cinema, mandatory walks with a picnic & ice cream! They’ll moan it’s tragically sad but will secretly enjoy it.
could they do some summer jobs? I mean baby sitting, walking a neighbour’s dog etc. I cleaned an elderly neighbour’s house when I was that age.
6 weeks of Roblox doesn’t sound great.

If they will go out with you without too much protest, then go for it. Mine are similar ages and are fairly happy to still go out with me doing most things (except long walks!!). Especially if it’s just 2-3 hours at a time.

Enjoy it while it lasts is my motto.

Yes definitely take them out. Cinema, bowling, trampoline park, lake/beach, walks. Lots you can do.

I understand your frustration OP.

Our 12yo isn't fussed about seeing friends outside of school. He's happy to go if I arrange things with friends of his where I'm also friends with their mums. I thought at this age, he'd be getting more independent.

He's got a 2 week family holiday, 4 days in Skegness with his grandparents and 4 of learning to row. That still leaves 2.5 weeks.

I would just take them out, it Isn't really healthy for kids to be sitting gaming or on a screen, I mean I am sure that is what is what teenagers want to do but a day out or bowling gets them out of the house.

I did have children who spent lots of time out with friends of that age and still took them on outings - not every day but maybe once a week. I don't see why you wouldn't? It's a much more fun age to do it than when they are younger - you can actually take them to places you might choose to go to yourself as they are old enough to appreciate them.

I wouldn't worry about seeing friends out of school you can just do your own thing over the holidays.

Yes as summer is summer for me too. While we tended to do stuff as a family at least one day a week, a 15 year old is not always into that. But sure I’d suggest a few things that might interest both, and likely maybe try a long weekend away if not doing a longer holiday. At that age I took my kids to Wales and stayed in a country cottage (we live in London) and did walks and visited a couple towns and stuff and had the best chips we ever had at a pub on the river. We played scrabble as no TV reception and neither had iPads (my son did have a phone).
My kids did see friends, though, and my son had a girlfriend at that age. He tried to get a job but 15 is tough due to insurance.
My DD would be content at home but was always happy the few times she did go out, and while she arranged things herself, she was asked to do a couple paid activities which were a hit: a tree climbing thing, paddle boarding. A parent would arrange that.
But even a trip to the local leisure centre that has a pool? Something that would get them out and moving a bit.

I did. They need a bit of structure.

I got mine to pick a couple of summer schools that interested them - sport or music or science, that ran for a full week or two. Then it was one day slobbing at home followed by one day out and about. I WFH in a job that can easily be fitted around them, so it wouldn't be that easy for everyone. We'd mix up outdoor outings - long bike rides, hikes, wild swims etc with city outings - exhibitions of interest to them, or with a small project in mind: new haircut, new outfit, library visit etc. I also encouraged them to come up wiht summer projects at home - manga drawing, perfecting a piece of music on their instruments, learning how to do pull ups etc.

I have a 15 yr old who sounds similar. He has friends. Even plays online with them but he doesn’t want to leave the house outside of school. It’s a balancing act. I tend to go with the odd outing. Perhaps a hike somewhere. We also do food out, so breakfast in a local cafe or chips on the beach. Also I involve him in cooking and baking and send him out to walk the dog at least once a day. We will toast marshmallows on the fire pit and play darts in an evening too.
If I didn’t plan things he would be on screens the whole time.

It’s definitely a tricky age, especially for the 15 year old, and if there is ND involved. My almost 15 year old ds is autistic and doesn’t want to do any activities without his 18 year old brother, who definitely doesn’t want to do family activities.
Of they are willing to do stuff with you then I would try to arrange something at least once a week.
Be thankful you’re not in Ireland, secondary schools are off for 3 months in the summer!

I have an almost 12 year old. She does do things with friends but over the summer we’ll also have trips out.

We’ll do, a shopping trip, probably some kind of ninja place, we want to go back to Gladiators experience, some walks etc.

My DS15 has finished exams and would spend all day everyday on the sofa. No real friends to meet up with. Happily he gets on well with his sisters (18 and 19) and we will do lots of family stuff over the holidays. Also our scouts goes right through summer so he will be going to that every week.

OP I would definitely do some day trips with them, and if they get on well enough to not fight, send them places together without you too.

At that sort of age I did stuff that I told them was about preparing them for adult life.

so they’d cook a meal each a week (a full meal) and we had a list in the kitchen of meals they thought they could make.

at 15 they were just starting to think about possible jobs/uni degrees as well so I hunted out any free science activities for them (that was what my two were into).

we also planned longer trips out eg to Jodrell Bank in Cheshire to see the telescope and so on.

do they have any interests? If so get googling and work out what’s available near you