How important is a school residential?

[ResidentialWorth]

Can they do more harm than good? Well, I know they can- DC was injured on his Yr5 residential and denied medical treatment basically because he has SN. He's refused to go on all others since then.
He's now about to leave school (Yr9, not UK system) and wants to go on their leavers residential. However, I'm not sure... Obviously we said he could go, but it seems to be so badly organised it could be a recipe for disaster. They've planned one day's activity that he can't join in due to SN - he has to take a book and sit with the teacher on the side. They have to take breakfast and lunch with them for the whole trip. When something gets broken on the room, all have to share the cost. Phones will be allowed the whole time (although they've had to sign to say they won't take photos or film anyone if they haven't agreed) and there is no bed time.

Now we've found out all 8 boys 15-16 yrs old are sharing a room - one bathroom, 4 single beds one large double and a sofa bed. DS says teacher has said they have to sort the sleeping arrangements themselves, and no one is allowed to shower.

Honestly not sure this is a good idea, or is it a rite of passage?

ETA I'm clearly influenced by the previous fiasco of the residential, and am having difficulty deciding.

Is that a legitimate leavers residential? It doesn't sound like it. The accommodation doesn't sound right, nor the lack of washing facilities. I'd be more inclined to borrow a couple of tents, set them up in the garden and have them all to stay for two nights at mine, with decent catering, an airbed each, and showering on a rota. The costs would be similar.

Bloody heck where do you live that this is considered acceptable for a school organised residential?

He's sharing a room with 7 others with only 6 beds, can't do the activities so he's just left to sit out and they have to take their own food?

Residentials are great for fostering independence and giving a cohort a shared experience but this sounds utterly unlikely any residential I've ever seen.

I know, my British brain can't cope with it!! I did complain about the activity, but the teacher said the class chose it. I said she should have only put on offer activities that the whole class could do... she gave him three options : not go on the residential, go and sit on the side with her, tell the class that they have to choose another activity because of DS.

This sounds very odd to me. The sleeping arrangements are inadequate. Not being able to shower and having to provide all their own food sounds extremely basic.
What is the activity that your DC can't join in with....who is saying they can't join in?
I would consider trying to do something else with the boys as there are only 8 of them to mark the end of term.
This residential smacks of something poorly planned which might end up problematic for your DC.

@Meadowfinch yes, it is. And I have neither a garden nor tents so that's not an option.

@VIII I can't ever remember hearing of a situation where kids are expected to share a bed on a school trip!

The whole thing sounds so badly disorganised and yes, I'm worried about how DS will cope. The girls will be in another room. It's a class trip.

Honestly I wouldn't send him at all. I genuinely can't see what he would get from the trip that would be beneficial to him or even how it could be a positive experience.

Even with them sharing a bed there's still one child without, they aren't allowed to shower (why not) and what happens if someone takes a fancy to his food (does he just go hungry?) I also can't see how this would pass any form of risk assessment?

To answer your thread question - not important at all. I bloody hate this increase in silly residentials. They’re unnecessary and often ridiculously expensive, taking money that could have been used for a family trip, eg a friend’s daughter went to Paris for two nights and it was almost £700! Totally ridiculous as they stayed in a hostel and did f-all there. Soon a silly school will be planning one to the moon and cooing over how great they are!

Is there any way you can persuade your DS not to go, OP? If not, put your concerns in writing to the school, ask questions about who did the risk assessment, etc.

4 single beds, (DS says he'll say he wants one, but we pointed out everyone will want one) a double (2) and a sofa bed (2).
I think the idea is 8 sharing a bathroom will be too complicated if they all shower.
Re the food no idea.

Ergh, teenage boys all doing activities and no-one is allowed to shower? 🤢🤢🤢🤢

Presumably they're going for a few days? What are they supposed to take for lunches and breakfast that will keep?

What are they having for dinner?

Having to pay for him to watch others do an activity?

Everything sounds awful. Hard pass here!

I was expecting to say ‘very’ but this one sounds very odd!! I think you need to ask for more info!

Usually I would say that residential are a great opportunity for kids but this one sounds pants and badly organised so I’d be led by what your DS really wants to do and prepared to pick him up and bring him home if needs be.

yes, exactly. And DS has borderline OCD (yes, being treated) about washing.

The phones- having phones overnight worries me. DS's has restrictions but I'm willing to bet at least half the class don't.

4 days. Breakfast I've said he'll have to take cereal bars and an apple. Lunch uncertain - any suggestions welcome!

It sounds so awful, but at what point do you let them decide and at what point do you pull rank?

It sounds so awful, but at what point do you let them decide and at what point do you pull rank?

Surely at the point where your child won't have his own bed, be able to attend to his basic hygiene and is being excluded due to his disability?

I can't see why you're even entertaining the idea. I wouldn't trust these people to look after a tamagotchi let alone my vulnerable child.

Does he want to go? Because although the bed situation sounds odd 4 days with a bunch of friends will probably be great fun despite having to take lunch. What are the activities? Can you look the place up online? I do think kids can learn a lot from some slightly less ‘spoon fed’ experiences.

The ‘no one allowed to shower’ is presumably a misunderstanding?

This. It sounds like the worst school trip ever.

Shared bed ?
No shower?
Take your own food (did I read that right)
What a load of rubbish!

Exactly.

OP, forget whether or not you should send him, the answer is clearly no.

What you need to do is put in a complaint.

We prefer the activity week they do for the dc who don’t go. It’s much better. A series of day trips and a day at school doing fun activities. Much better for my dc who have ASD as they become stressed and overwhelmed and exhausted staying away from home , eating unfamiliar food etc

Lunch

• Fruit and veg - mini cucumbers and cherry tomatoes, satsumas, pear, apple stuff that’s robust and contained
• crackers and shelf stable cheese spread, B&M or homebargains usually do tubs or tubes of primula in with the ketchups and pasta
• crisps, chocolate bars, individually wrapped mini cakes
• individually wrapped croissants, pain au chocolates or brioche rolls

Is it close enough that you can drive him each day (except for the activity he can’t do.

The school sounds awful btw not inclusive at all.

It sounds like they don’t want DS to go. Did the teacher really threaten to tell the class they can’t do their chosen activity because of your son? I mean that’s all kinds of wrong and I would have thought choosing activities that your son can’t participate in would be borderline discrimination?
I can’t see how bed sharing is allowed either, that would ring so many safeguarding alarm bells where I work, it just wouldn’t happen. This is the 1980s! I take it you’re not in England or Wales (no idea about safe guarding policy in the rest of the UK).
I wouldn’t have any confidence in proper risk assessments being carried out for the activities either, and I say that as someone he gets fed up with all the endless red tape, but then remind myself it’s there for a good reason, because unfortunately some people / organisations think it’s okay to play fast and loose with other people’s lives. This would just be a big ‘no’ from me.
my dd went on a residential in yr 6 she absolutely hated every minute of it, and has refused to go on any subsequent residential trips.

Is this the norm for where you are? Its not what we would expect in the UK but if it is how residentials are run where you are a complaint will get you nowhere.

Residential trips are brilliant fun! I would email the school to check the actual facts about beds, showering etc. Sounds like something has hot lost in translation.

@helpfulperson not really I don't think. My youngest has gone on a residential every year and none of them has been as badly organised as this one. DS's class didn't have one last year as the teacher forgot to book, so they did day trips out, and even then one was cancelled after they arrived as the teacher had booked the wrong day!
DC2's trips would probably raise eyebrows compared to U.K. schools but even those are a league above DC1's. DC2 is away at the moment, so I'm not against residential per se. Difference being she has friends in her class (as opposed to classmates who tolerate you, don't bully you, but don't willingly include you either) and hasn't SN, so doesn't need any special consideration. And phones are banned.

Sounds fucking grim ...who wants to eat UPF junk food all the time??

I wouldn't want to store my veg and fruit in a room with no fridge and 8 feral teenage boys 🤢🤢