How often do you make the effort with people?

[GreenOpalFruits]

How often do you 'bother' with people? It appears on here people know alot of flaky people and are often disappointed. I feel the same at times and after a recent disappointment have stepped back a bit. I realised I do the collections in work, sometimes im the 1st to contact people etc and I suppose I just can't be arsed anymore. I don't want to be a hermit but I just can't be bothered

I don't blame you as I don't anymore after a lifetime of being there, chasing and helping to get nothing back in return. Just flakiness, being used and let down. It's a shame but you just have enough in the end.

I’m currently in hospital, have been for 3 weeks now. I am yet to have one visitor. Harsh way to learn I’m always the one showing up for others.

This is me

I also used to do the collections at work

The thing that really pissed me off, I didn't do anything for my 50th birthday because nobody seemed to give a stuff.

When I eventually saw the people I'm thinking of, they expressed surprise that I hadn't done anything and said they were expecting me to get in touch and tell them what I wanted to do

I didn't even get a message from these people! I just assumed they had forgotten my birthday which didn't bother me particularly

I was very blunt and I said "well I haven't heard from any of you and some of you didn't even reply when I messaged happy Christmas, so how on earth would I know that you would be prepared to actually come on a night out for my birthday?"

And they said "well, it's up to you to explain what you want"

I don't understand this. It's like everybody can't be bothered to get in touch. And I can't be bothered being the person who always does it. Because you get absolutely diddly squat in return. It's ridiculous.

@MyWildOliveGoose that's so sad, I'm really sorry you don't have better people around you 😞

Oh my God, I'm so sorry

I hope you're recovering well 💐

This is one of the reasons why I no longer make an effort to go out and meet people - it just seems to be that this is what people are like now, and there's not much point in collecting a bunch of acquaintances who wouldn't even show up if you're in the fucking hospital!

I’m not very good at remembering birthdays and would never have been the one starting a collection or anything in the workplace, possibly because there have already been systems in place for that sort of thing when I joined anywhere.

With friends though, I do tend to be the one who suggests meet ups etc. I like getting out and seeing people and would be miserable if I didn’t so I would rather just be the one who organises things. That also tends to mean that I space things out so I’m doing something each week rather than weeks sitting in and then a rush of invitations all together.

Hi op yes realised that too. Always first reaching out. Birthdays a card or a message. People are shocking flaky. Im done with it all!! I said it to my friend lately. She stepped up a bit more. You be tired it though

I think I’m a bit of a pushover and do make lots of effort. If it’s not reciprocated I do get annoyed but that does quite quickly dissipate

I hate workplace collections with a passion. I resent the woman who always takes the initiative to start a collection. Maybe the others are sending a message, OP.

BTW, I always used to do the collections for people leaving

Not birthdays or anything that's ridiculous

Also, I used to just email around and say that I had a collection if anyone wanted to come and contribute. I wouldn't walk around asking individuals. They might be overjoyed that the person is leaving!

Hate collections too so many of them. MywildOlive god thats hurtful. I dialled back efforts found it was one way efforts!

I just wonder if these flaky people will be lonely when people stop bothering. People seem to love flaky drama types though.

I also hate workplace collections, they put too much pressure on people.

I personally do make an effort with people I care about - my family, my close friends etc.

Spent 40 years making the effort. Hosting the barbies, organising the holidays and trips.
Now I do my own thing, am there for those closest to me and that's it.

I think they treat their partner and family well and that's enough for them

or they have other friends that they treat well

Or, some people really are just happy with minimal social interaction now so if you're not part of the family, you're a bit stuffed.

@MyWildOliveGoose I really hope you're feeling much better soon.

People happy staying in now so zero efforts to meet anyone. But a few will still meet thankfully.

I’m sorry to hear about this situation especially for the person in hospital - get well soon. I’m sorry your kindness has not been repaid . I think that most folk are a bit lazy and get stuck in their own routines with their own families and immediate friends and are not actually that thoughtful when it comes to others. If you have a big or not so big birthday coming up genuine people tend to ask in advance how you celebrating if they are in touch and then take a view on where they might fit in or whether to offer to join in or celebrate with you. Birthdays especially milestone ones can be quite personal and people don’t like to intrude sometimes or expect to be included . To be fair life is very full for lots of people and there are many distractions such as social media and raising children these days is very consuming if they have a family. In my opinion it may need to be viewed in a case by case basis but is important to protect oneself from continual disappointments.

I booked a room for a big birthday and lots of people promised to come. Half of them now have told me they've double booked so can't come. Its just rude.

oh no... I really feel for you

There was a post here from a lady who booked and paid a deposit for a big birthday celebration and ended up in a similar position. I could only have invited about five people - the chances of all dropping out were just too high.

Yes I understand what you mean. I used to have lots of people around my house. Lots of BBQ, hosting people for the weekend and general gatherings. Cant be bothered now as it’s too tiring especially if people don’t help and it’s rarely reciprocated.

That's disgusting I'm so sorry. I hope you get better soon. 💐