That thing where men can't find things...

[Lakesfun]

I'm on holiday with newish BF. I.e. our things and finances are comletely seperate, if his stuff is lost it's entirely his problem, there's no "we" to replace it.

He has a fancy sports watch, which is important to him. He's been saying for two days that he took it off in the car and it's disappeared. He's been to look several times and getting increasingly bothered by it.

I have left him to it, thinking I'll have a look when I'm next in the car, which was this morning. It was literally the first thing I saw when I opened the door, in the passenger footwell. Found in less than a second.

There was no benefit to him in it being missing, and he definitely cared about it. What is it that makes them "all" so useless with this stuff?

nostalgiawizard, youtube - Karen I can’t find the tea bags anywhere -

I really need to work out how to link youtube shorts, sorry but its funny

Ive screenshotted this for future reading, thanks, fascinating

however… if you had said, then we don’t have any, he would have found it to prove you wrong
had you still been at work he woukd have found it

@bumptybum someone once told me there was an evolutionary basis to why men of all ages, cultures, social backgrounds etc are statistically less likely to wake when a baby cries, whereas women are less likely to wake when there's a sound associated with danger like glass breaking.

I had a >6 month old at the time and after that thought I'd cut my DH some slack..wasn't his fault he didn't get woken by baby crying, it's evolution. Then we got burgled and he slept through that too 🤦🏼‍♀️ no more slack was cut.

I know. It just made laugh at the time.
He is still single by the way 🤣

Several people have pointed that out ChatGPT has been busy,

How do men manage when they don’t have some woman to find things them?

If it makes you feel better to excuse it then great. But we have managed to evolve past hunting and gathering in the last thousands of years so it stands to reason that we should perhaps stop assuming that a penis changes your eyesight.

Although I suspect that it’s about feeling useful

@Anarchy99 I think honestly I like to look for ways to make peace with things that are outside of my ability to control as they're not my own personal behaviours. Otherwise I'm wasting energy getting frustrated about things that are unlikely to change, and the only thing that's getting affected is my mood and blood pressure. Prefer finding ways to let stuff go, makes the day more pleasant.

Though sometimes it backfires, like in the last story where I married an evolutionary hybrid good for neither infants at night or danger!

@PetulaGordeno wonder if that's where this originated....

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnApaAPoPp6/?igsh=MTYwbDF0czB4eWM1eg==

It’s my husband that finds all the lost stuff in this house. I’m the one that loses it.

My husband is much better at finding things than me. I suffer from chronic apathy.
The only blind spot for him is the fridge. Normal size, 4 shelves and a door.
I frequently tell him it's a bloody fridge not a department store.

I’m aware of what I call
stress blindness. If I’m stressed about finding something I’m quite capable of failing to see it in plain sight whereas once I’ve calmed down or the urgency has passed I’ll see it straight away.

My DH used to be like this but miraculously got better when I refused to engage. ‘I don’t know or haven’t seen it’ became stock phrases.

IMO it’s them expecting to be the centre of attention and at the same time too lazy to look for stuff. When I was doing all the stuff for the children and myself and had no-one covering my back, I quickly stopped bothering about his stuff. I didn’t need another child to mother.

@bumptybumload of tosh, just go to a golf course and look at how good men are searching for lost golf balls!

I cracked the code with mine, his looking was literally glancing forward once like a child, not moving stuff or moving his eyes around. Now I say use your hands to look and he does and it works. Patronising but it works.

Me and DH work together, we have our own business. Im sure he has ADHD, both his siblings and other family members have ADHD or are nd.

His job is pretty technical, and involves a lot of attention to detail. Hes amazing at it. The admin side of it is a different story, he regularly loses any notes or paperwork and seems to immediately separate instructions from the physical job the moment it arrives. I literally can not imagine how many days/weeks ive helped spend looking for "something he wrote on a piece of paper" (After probably a decade he finally accepted a notebook which means if he writes something down, it cant go awol)

I feel sure he leaves all observational skills at work. If he asks where something is i can usually give a very detailed description....and he still won't be able to find it despite being less than a meter away.

He also takes things that im using and decides to repurpose them for something else. Eg large clear plastic crate i left outside the house for things I sell/give away via sm.
Me: have you seen the big plastic crate
Him: no
Me are you sure
Him no i havent seen it
Me are you sure you didnt use it for anything
Him ive literally done nothing with it
Later I see that hes used it as a cover for the extension lead for Christmas lights, and point it out to him. He seems oblivious that he completely denied even seeing it! 🤣

Well, the amazing powers of evolution mean, the reality is, they suddenly regain or discover the power of sight. I’m long married but only, fairly recently, realised that NOT GIVING A SHIT is actually quite powerful. “I can’t find my phone” - So what? “I can’t find the cheese in the fridge” - I don’t eat cheese, so, again, so what? “I can’t find my blood test forms for endo” - Oh well, thank fuck I’ve already got life insurance for you for when you keel over from not taking the correct medication then. “I can’t find my/did I even order my endo medication” - See previous answer.
They all either result in stunning clarity of recall or they don’t, in which case, again, so what….

See this attitude could save generations of women from running round after their useless husbands and sons 😬

We call it "man looking" at work...

I call it looking with your mouth 🤣

he would much rather moan and ask u to look than look himself ….. iv been with my husband 22 years and probably say stop looking with your mouth at least once or twice a week 🙈

I once lost my keys (house and car) whilst visiting my daughter, she, her husband and I searched my handbag, pockets and her house before she drove me home, 70 miles away, waited while I got my spare key from my neighbour friend, found my spare car key in my house, drove me back to hers so I could pick up my car and drive home. Three days later I found the keys myself in the handbag we had all searched.

Isn't this what we called in our house... Can't see for looking..? It affected men, women and children.

It always amazes me that men are the largest part of any Search and Rescue teams when they can’t find a shirt in their own wardrobe.

Because he looks for what he expects to see. So if he remembers writing on the scrap of paper with blue pen, he does not recognise the paper if it is has been turned over or folded, for example. He literally can’t see it. Similarly with your crate. It is no longer the crate for X. It is now something entirely it different. ND people can struggle to generalise.