That thing where men can't find things...

[Lakesfun]

I'm on holiday with newish BF. I.e. our things and finances are comletely seperate, if his stuff is lost it's entirely his problem, there's no "we" to replace it.

He has a fancy sports watch, which is important to him. He's been saying for two days that he took it off in the car and it's disappeared. He's been to look several times and getting increasingly bothered by it.

I have left him to it, thinking I'll have a look when I'm next in the car, which was this morning. It was literally the first thing I saw when I opened the door, in the passenger footwell. Found in less than a second.

There was no benefit to him in it being missing, and he definitely cared about it. What is it that makes them "all" so useless with this stuff?

Because they can. Because their mothers wipe their asses for them throughout their childhood, teens and beyond because they can’t possibly be expected to do it themselves.

Then they get with women who are equally indulgent.

These women then complain once they have had enough

Ah another, let’s blame the women!

How else do they learn they can get women running round after them - it tends to stem from having a certain type of ‘boy mum’.

And then the partners accept it. And then they moan.

It’s so predictable. You see it all the time on here that mothers getting angry that their little prince has to do something for himself despite being married with children

It's called "having a man look" in our house.
Open drawer, or cupboard door, if the desired item isn't immediately visible, slammed shut again. (Spoiler, it's usually in there when i open the same drawer and lift a tea towel.)

There was a funny Facebook reel about this and the husband deciding his wife must be a witch because she makes things appear where they just weren't earlier (stuff like he can't find his laptop but she lifts up a cup and reveals he's been using it as a coaster).

Daughter and I take the piss out of husband and son for man-looks and whisper "I'm a witch" when we find stuff.

I admit I am always losing my glasses and they are often on my head. To the extent that my family will tell me they are on my head even when they aren't.

I worked as a hospital pharmacy technician, and used to check ward medicine stocks. You could guarantee that just after I'd come back from the ward someone would phone down and complain that they'd run out of xxx. No you haven't; I saw it at the front of the cupboard 10 minutes ago. If it didn't jump out and hit the, they didn't have it!

It's weird - my husband has this big time, it really visibly annoys him - I swear he's not a lazy sod, I'm lazier than he is, but he just can't see them even when they're right there.

Husband called from the kitchen: 'Where's the lettuce?' Me: 'In the fridge.'
Husband: 'I can't see it.'
Me: 'Middle shelf!'
Husband: 'No, it isn't.'
Me: Rolling eyes, gets up, goes in the kitchen, reaches past him and gets the iceberg lettuce.
Husband: 'I thought it came in bags.'

How my patio remains undisturbed I'll never know.

In the case of my now adult DS, this is definitiely not the case. I spent the best part of 20 years giving them the skills not to be useless husbands. They changed their own beds fron 5yo, did a good job on e.g. cleaning the bathroom from c. 10yo and regularly took responsibility for family dinners, including shopping and menu planning through their teens. DS1 now lives with GF and she has all the same compaints. It's almost as if it's expected so he conforms.

It’s the opposite in my marriage. I’m the useless one, my husband is often to be found running around the house looking for my phone/sunglasses/keys/MacBook.

Weaponised incompetence on my part? Yes, totally.

It’s the same with women earning less than men I suppose, we want to be taken care of so ensure we earn less and pretend it’s not a choice.

Which I don’t believe of course but it’s as plausible as your theory.

‘Man look’? It’s that ‘oh bless them, they can’t find it’ attitude.

I hope you don’t indulge it and make them find their own stuff, if only for the sake of your DD!

So do you think having a penis affects your ability to find things? Okay then.

Dh was the 3rd of 4 boys and I’m quite sure there was absolutely nothing MiL didn’t or didn’t do, to make him such a hopeless ‘looker’!

I'm all for slagging off men for being lazy, but I think there is an actual difference. Obviously there will be exceptions, and the differences are tiny, but I believe women are better at remembering where things are and finding things and men better at perceiving movement. There are scientific studies on this.
Whatever, I don't think men should be allowed to do that airport job where you look for knives in hand luggage, seeing as they can't even see a massive lettuce in a fridge.

So what is it that makes him that way? Presumably it’s not a biological inability? So it’s laziness, knowing someone will always sort it out for them.

I can almost guarantee that the useless ones aren’t like that at work because it makes them look incompetent.

I don't know if it's common in men, my DH is probably more of a functioning adult than me but he's just 'not a good looker' as we call it in our house, whereas I am. I have 2 daughters and the 12 year old is not a good looker and the 10 year old is such a good looker we actually call her 'ferret' as a nickname.

He’s actually red/green colour blind, so I suspect that may have something to do with it.

In other respects he’s extremely capable. Well, except for cooking - he doesn’t cook, but that’s largely because for so many years he was working very long hours, far longer than mine.
But he now invariably clears up the kitchen and loads the dishwasher. And unloads it in the morning. 🙂

I have been transported back to the 90s - magazines like Take A Break with their feature ‘Aren’t Men Daft’.

Needing a partner to ‘rescue’ them is a deeply unattractive trait in anyone

I don't think laziness or expecting me to solve the problem can be the answer for the example I gave in OP though.

BF had given quite a bit of time to "looking" and had no expectation that I would find it, or any reason to think that I'd have any interest in doing so. It wasn't like a mutual child's bookbag, shared car keys or anything else that affected me as much as him.

“I don’t suppose you know where…” It’s my fault for running a tight ship I suppose.

I’m told it’s because we evolved to see berries in bushes and they evolved to track moving prey. Of course there was no explanation for why I can also follow a moving target, or find the butter in the fridge even when the label is upside down.

This.

No man has ever lost a lettuce at work.

My DH is partially sighted so does actually have a valid reason for why sometimes he can’t find things. But if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have any of this “having a man look” bollocks. Can’t see a lettuce right in front of your face in the fridge? Give me a break. If you actually can’t see it, hand in your driving licence.

Mine is I have a nearly photographic memory. When it wants to 🙄

so if someone says “have you seen x” my brain immediately brings up a picture of that item in it’s last location. For everyone else in the house it means asking me will save hours of looking.

not a male/female thing. Interestingly though, even my family seem to think it’s more believable that I know where things are because I put them there, having moved them.

I have explained that I just “see” things, but no, I wander around deliberately moving stuff so they can’t find it….