can my partner be called step dad by my kids even if we’re not married?

[louisejaneokx]

Me and my partner aren’t married and my children call him by his name. However, my son at school has started telling his friends “that’s my other dad” or “my dad is picking me up”

(we have NEVER put this into his head) but he’s a smart kid. He’s only 6.

my sister one day was talking to my son and ended up talking about “step dad” she didn’t mean no harm.

my son now talks about my current partner sometimes when he goes to his dads and refers him to “step dad” once in a while. And his real dad says “he’s not your step dad, he’s a friend. You only have 1 dad”

is his real dad in the wrong or not?

it does break my heart as his real dad sees the kids 6 nights a month, unemployed and will not make any effort to see them In the week or have them any longer. Always texting us to drop them off later then are agreement, chasing for child maintenance etc (the list goes on) My current parent has done way more for the kids than their real dad ever did hence why I left him. My partner does ALL the things my ex should have done and should do now!!

"Uncle and Auntie are not generic terms at all."

They absolutely are @TheyGrewUp - just because you're not familiar with it, doesn't stop it being the case 😉

Take Indian culture for example, where Auntie and Uncle are used as terms of respect and affection for adults in your life.

Yes, but we are talking about the UK.

Yes, the UK, a multicultural country with lots of influences from all over the world.

Just because you don't use auntie/uncle outside of family, doesn't mean it's not a generic term for many other people. You're making yourself look rather ignorant and a bit silly.

So this will obviously be one of those threads where the OP only responds to posts that affirm what she wants to do and how she wants things to be I guess.

Again OP, will you support your son when he comes home calling his dad’s girlfriend Mom?

No you aren’t married, you know that or you wouldn’t need to ask.

Is your relationship with your ex good enough to be able to have a sensible conversation about how his attitude around this is confusing your son?

Technically/legally, your partner may not be his step dad, but this is semantics and makes no difference to the role he is playing in your son's life. What does your son call him day to day as 'stepdad' must only be when he is talking about him, not to him?

It is small minded and incredibly insecure behaviour for your ex to keep saying this to him. Would he listen to you saying 'You're right John, you are his dad and no one is trying to replace you. However, Timmy is choosing to refer to Andy as his stepdad because it is easy for other people to understand'.

Calling him 'mum's friend' is deliberately belittling your partner's position in your lives.

Your ex is being a dick and this needs to be led by your DS.

I had a similar situation with my own DS who decided, after we'd been living together for around 2 years, that my live in partner was the Dad of our house. When we had our DS together, he started referring to my partner as Dad and it kind of evolved from there.

Your ex doesn't really get to make the decision here - the most important thing is for your DS to be comfortable around the adults he lives with. You could tell him that your DP is more than a friend as he is the Dad of your house.

That’s irrelevant

Step dad is the most natural name for your son to use in this instance, as he seems him in a parental way.

IMO a child calling his mother's partner "Uncle" is just grim. Imagine the child saying "mummy and Uncle John sleep in 1 bedroom and I sleep in another". Imagine how well that'll go down.

You don't need to be married to be an actual parent so I think it comes down to how the people involved feel about each other.

There’s nothing remotely grim about it, using aunt or uncle as term of respect or endearment is totally normal.

According to Mumsnet, I should have no relationship with anyone in my partner’s family and he should have no relationship with anyone n mine-despite 40 years of knowing them. Which is obviously ridiculous.