What entertainment do your husbands bring to family life with older children?

[unlikelychump]

If you live with your dh and children, what does he bring to the family in respect of entertainment? Our kids are 9-13 and he is is clearly at a loose end about how to spend time with them. If I ever say do you want to do something with the kids,he suggests this walk we have done a load of times, that noone wants to do. He doesn't really have much to do with them on a day to day basis.

I am asking because more generally pur family dynamics need work, but this is an issue for sure.

Ours is 13 and except for eating dinner together we don’t really “do” stuff together on weeknights. Ds has a computer console in our main family room so we’re mostly in the same space but not doing anything together.

What does your DH like to do? Does he have his own mates do they have children. What does he do when he’s at home.

I only ask as pairing up some shared likes makes it easier. I’ve taken mine with me do do stuff I like in the hope we’d forge shared interests. Some blokes are just a bit awkward going out with kids and if you go with your mate makes it fun.

Camping for a weekend without mum is good. We go the Wimbledon finals weekend so the wife can watch tennis in peace. He could try glamping or a YHA.

Another good one is street food maket . Get the bus into town few pints let them choose different foods bus home.

The same sort of things I do with the kids, really.

Games in the garden/park - football, frisbee, tennis

Video games

Board games/card games

Helping with homework

Takes them to activities/friends

Cinema

Swimming

What's the norm like in your group of friends/family? I find the term "hands on dad" quite old fashioned really. I don't know any dads who aren't engaged with their kids. It's normal for us. And it's been the case since birth really. If you have done everything with the kids for over a decade, it's unrealistic to expect it to change now.

I agree, most dads are hands on these days. Many of the dads in our social circle are. He was more involved when they were younger - more interacting with them than playing i realise in hindsight. Since they have been 8 onwards he seems to find them hard.

He likes football, piano playing and video games, hill walking, skiing. He likes sport in general.

We have both girls and boys. One liked football for a while, 2 play the piano, I suspect they would all like video games. Wd all like swimming. We have a campervan and tents. Everyone has walking boots.

There is plenty in common as you see, but he doesn't seem to see it like that.

He is very willing to ferry them around.

DS is 14:
Kick about in garden
Take them to driving range/pitch n put
Sit in the hot tub with them
Play a video game w them
Watch a TV series with them
Go on dog walk w them
Joint tasks like car washing/lawn mowing
Lego

Not constantly, but here and there. Concious effort to interact.

My husband and the kids built a trebuchet once. It worked a lot better than they expected. 😵
They also built a tree house.
We have a very big garden 😁

Sounds like he has loads he can do with them. Does he lack confidence in taking them out ? Is is a bit of a chore? Would he take them with one of his friends . We all evolved around each other’s kids . We were late to the party and they now have teenagers and young adults mine still primary but they will come along with me for mini golf or walking.

Ive taken their teens out for food. He needs to find his fun . I scan groupon for deals on things to do or meal deals maybe that would give him some inspiration.

My husband has always been hands on with our kids school stuff, homework etc. Provides a lot of emotional support, guidance, bit of pushiness etc. They are 15 and 17 now. Supported with revision and also uni applications/visits etc. I appreciate all that practical/emotional support more so than being entertaining. He's always been keen for us to do things as a family, probably more than him 'entertaining' them 1-1. I'm better at thinking of things for us to do as a family but he is happy to oblige. Does a lot of ferrying them around these days which he has more time to do than me. He sorts medical stuff or school admin. As they get older, they tend to want to spend more of their free time with friends anyway. Make the most of family, 1-1 time while you can!

Our kids are younger (4 & 6) and DH:
takes them to weekly swim lessons
takes them on bike rides
takes them to play parks/soft play
plays with them in the garden/play room
does the “messy play” stuff with them
takes DD1 to a weekly activity
takes DD2 to her weekly activity when needed

he has also taken them to his sister’s house overnight so I could have friends round for a night in, which meant him taking them out for dinner and to a play park and beach all by himself!

ETA he also listens to DD1 read 3 times a week and practises spellings with her, as do I. And we share sitting with DD2 while she does her weekend homework

Have you asked him? Does he want to interact with them more often, more directly? Maybe he doesn’t want to rather than doesn’t know how to 🤷‍♀️

DH has always been like all the dads on here - walking, camping trips, cycling, swimming etc. He was very hands on and determined to be an active part of his children’s lives. We live city centre though, in a really nice safe neighbourhood and tbh since 12yrs or so they tend to spend the majority of their spare time out with friends. But DH still took them walking, hiking, fishing, camping during holidays and weekends.

I’m the one in our family who was less involved in activities with them as they got older. I was a SAHM for 10 years, and looked after all the domestic stuff and child care. I don’t really enjoy board games (though I did enjoy Fortnite when that came along). When they were younger I played with them, went to the park daily, organised and hosted a zillion play dates over that time. I was perfectly happy for them to turn to their friends for entertainment as they got older because I felt I’d done my time, frankly and it was a relief to cook without interruption or sit and read a book on my own.

DD is 19 now but when she was younger, DH would do board games with her, play on X box, they both have similar music tastes so they share songs and listen to them together, they are both creative so they might have some kind of project on the go or talk about what they were working on separately. Now, they have similar taste in TV shows so they tend to do a bit of a binge when DS is back from uni.

2 teens aged 14-16. He mainly does taking them to stuff they’re doing anyway and watching them do it ( sports) but they generally have a good chat in the car. Sometimes they all go to the gym or he’ll take them to the climbing wall. Then random stuff like him and dd window shopped cars for a few hours last weekend. Him and ds watch football ( on tv and go to matches). Him and dd watch F1. Nothing crazy exciting but they do spend a fair bit of time together

Mine are 9 and 12. With my 9 year old they’ll watch football in person or on telly. Go and play football. My husband watches the matches too. With my 12 year old they do Lego (they’re collecting Star Wars lego), do stuff with the telescope, watch sci fi.

He’ll also take them swimming or out to an activity if they want.

This afternoon the 9 year old will be home with my husband while i’m out with my daughter and they’ll watch soccer Saturday and any Championship matches that are on later.

Oh he’ll play chess and battleships with them both. I don’t have the patience for battleships as it takes so long!

As a counterpoint to all the very hands-on dads, my DH, who is great in lots of ways, wasn't particularly involved in doing stuff with the kids on his own at that age. The default always tended to be either us all as a family doing something or just me and the kids. He would ferry them to clubs as needed though.

Things he would initiate: playing Singstar (karaoke), Rock Band, Just Dance or Mario Kart on PlayStation, everyone had lots of fun with these. Or he would get them all 'helping' in the garden or washing the car. Playing board games, Lego etc was more my area. DH was incapable of helping with Lego without taking over and doing it all himself.

Now they're teens, each of them ocassionally goes to pop concerts with him, something that I'm not very interested in. He also likes sharing music and films with them.

Ours are older now (20 and 22) but he would do things that I wasn't keen on like theme parks, pools with flumes, cycling. Also cinema with one of them (the other isn't so keen). I tend (and still do) to be the one that spots events they might like and book tickets so I go to the theatre with one, sports events as a family or just with DS. DH and DD like the same sort of films and TV so they watch things together and have been to a few related immersive experiences but tends to be me that spots and books them.

Evenings - they both did a lot of extra-curriculars at that age and he did his share of taxiing then at home would hang out with them watching TV or films, we played board games as a family too, that seems to have faded out which is a shame we've still got them all.

Absolutely this. I have said this to DH and it has had absolutely no impact whatsoever. It makes me sad and then I think, his relationship with our kids is his responsibility to nurture and any person should be able to do this.

Used an app to find different walks, Im grateful for that because now the DC are older they continue to love going on long walks.

Cycling to a forest we have nearby.

Building models (planes)

DH is the homework supremo. He will find films or interesting tv shows they might enjoy. He will take one of them to the local Chinese supermarket that she loves. He finds theatre / music shows we will like. Sometimes takes them swimming.

Jesus Christ
20 hrs a week! Then moans about a school run!!!
you’d be better going solo he sounds bloody hopeless!

14 yr old, plays badminton, takes her skiing (snow dome only so far but trip to follow). Cooks with her, plays the piano whilst she sings, organises various trips to see musicals (her passion), plus daily parenting and banter where required. She’s almost 15 and spends a lot of time in her room, but when she graces us with her presence we are both keen to do stuff with her.

For our eldest, who has flown the nest, did loads and is the main point of contact with her, has been there for her to deal with some breakups and also to cart her and her stuff round the country in vans if necessary!

Does cooking and DIY with DS13. Both are quite painful experiences because DS can be difficult but DH makes the effort every now and then!

Plays tennis with DS10

Cinema