What entertainment do your husbands bring to family life with older children?

[unlikelychump]

If you live with your dh and children, what does he bring to the family in respect of entertainment? Our kids are 9-13 and he is is clearly at a loose end about how to spend time with them. If I ever say do you want to do something with the kids,he suggests this walk we have done a load of times, that noone wants to do. He doesn't really have much to do with them on a day to day basis.

I am asking because more generally pur family dynamics need work, but this is an issue for sure.

What do your children enjoy doing? He should organise to do that with them.

Our eldest is 12 and our younger two are 5 and 2 so a big age gap. Finding things all three enjoy is hard but if we’re thinking of things DD1 likes to do…

DH will:

• take her to the cinema
• take her rock climbing, trampolining, ice skating…
• take her for a wander round the shops
• take her on the more adventurous rides at a theme park whilst I take the younger two on the calmer ones
• take her to museums
• take her pottery painting

Is he good at thinking to organise this himself? Nope. I will encourage him to do something with her (not because he doesn’t want to, he just doesn’t think to plan things very often) but he always thinks of something nice to organise that she’ll enjoy.

Ours are teen girls 14 and 17. He will suggest stuff or do whatever they are keen to do that aligns with their interests. He’ll take the older one to watch football matches and athletics, the younger one to watch cricket and rugby. Take them shopping, out for cycle rides and picnics. I have to admit he’s great at being available for them and has a close relationship with them both.

Mine does nothing and can’t even use work as an excuse as he does 20 per week.

Getting him to do the school run twice a week is bad enough.

• they go camping once a year
• playing cricket/badminton/football in garden in the evening (gets them talking after school)
• watching motorbikes race (not often!)
• visiting a different town close to us and going shopping
• cinema now and again
• long walks with dog (not as popular)
• building Lego kits
• they make pizza together

Note: This is not every weekend

Bike rides, swimming & a speciality supermarket are their favourite things to do together.

This would be most weekends & then less often is camping, cinema & cooking together.

This is him not stepping up to do the emotional work of being present with your DC. He needs to carry this mental load himself - do not do it for him. Explain to him this is the start of adult relationship with them and if he wants a good relationship with them in the future he needs to do the work. If you do it for him they will see and think less of him. If he does not do it he will have the natural consequence of a more distant relationship with them and with you.

Interesting thanks, and what about in the home after school etc. Are husbands in the same room as their kids doing something with them every now and then?

Every weekend with our 12 and 14 yo DSes:
Plays tennis
Plays table tennis
Plays basketball
Plays a video game

Most weekends:
play wrestles with them
Watches wrestling or tennis

Occasionally:
Runs whilst DS cycles

He is currently helping the 12 year old wash all our massive bay windows (12 year old is getting paid).

He is only here at weekends so doesn't do the helping homework/sports lifts/emotional support during the week. Just the fun stuff at the weekend!

@unlikelychump

Not so much due to DHs working hours & dcs extracurriculars which we both have to facilitate.

We do eat together though & might watch a TV programme together.

We both also help with homework depending on the subject.

He does 4 school drop offs with the youngest & 1 pick up.

Normal school evening…He will always have a chat with them about their day. Might make dinner with them. If I’m making dinner he often plays a few games of cards with them as they both love quick card games. After dinner we usually either just watch telly together or play a game of some sort.

Oh and at the moment he’s trying to persuade them both to do park run with him. Are there no areas of common interest between them @unlikelychump ?

He does a lot of running them about for clubs. When I get home they're often playing "guess the intro" or "guess how many listens this song has" on Spotify (or 101 games along those lines).

He will play endless board games and card games, he has far more patience than me. Tennis.

My DH actually got better and more involved in the DC as they got older.

Up until last year he was here all week and would drop DS1 off at school and do half of the sports lifts (therefore chatting with the boys in the car).

He has also started playing games like brawlstars so he has something to talk to the boys about.

He found it harder to find something to do with the younger DS as he doesn't play tennis or table tennis. But eventually he found something. First some video games thats DS2 likes, then found a way to do sport with him (basketball and cycling).

At the dinner table, dh would always say to them, “Tell me something interesting.” The point being that anything they wanted to tell us about their school day was interesting. This would lead to proper conversations on subjects of their choice.. By the time he got home from work, homework was over, but he still engaged with their schoolwork and friendships in this way.

When they practiced their instruments, dh would get his violin out and accompany them. He’s not a musician (got to Grade 6 or 7 and hasn’t maintained it) but he was good enough for this. It started when the dc were at the cat-strangling stage, as playing with them gave them confidence and made them sound better.

He taught all the dc to play chess. He tried to teach them bridge. We all played board games together a lot, especially during the winter.

He took all of them (in ones and twos) to watch our local city team play football.

He loves hill-walking and would take each of our dc to places such as Snowdonia or the Lake District for a few days every year. As the children liked different things, dh would adapt each outing to each child. One likes wild-camping, so they’ll carry everything they need for the 2-3 nights. Another likes shorter walks and doing a variety of activities, so they’ll do a walk one day, kayaking another, and maybe a museum or attraction on another day. And so on for each child. He started taking the dc hiking when they were 6 or 7.

This is a very good point.

Our dc deeply valued the time they spent one-to-one with their dad, and many of these activities have continued into adulthood.

My DH is not much of an ideas man when it comes to activities but he’s very involved in general day to day and care. Shopping, cooking meals and ferrying to clubs etc. I’m generally the person who comes up with the ideas or does the research for an event and books it. In our case he’s probably taking on more of the labour but I’m controlling the vibes 😂

Yes. DH and DD1 play a game together every week when the younger two are in bed. Sometimes I join in but mostly I leave them to it to be together.

DH is definitely a practical one, happy to drop and run if there are emergencies, he did the majority of taxi drives for activities - and often used that to chat about everything under the sun.
He teaches her practical skills. He is a huge supporter of her hobbies and unless it really is impossible, will attend shows, presentations, competitions.

He is also involved in DD's Scout group, so that's a common interest even if DD pretend to think it's highly embarrassing.

We normally have mealtimes together and he often takes initiative drawing DD into conversations.

He is not good with going shopping but then he just hates it in general and the idea of window shopping brings out the hives.
When she was younger he would do things with her on his own during school holidays, I am on several newsletter/subscribe to museums/activities so while I submitted ideas, he did all the rest.

He also struggles with female teen hormonal behaviour, he utterly indulges DD and me and will happily provide painkillers, tampons, chocolate, gives her control of the remote but is then lost when tears starts.

Past that age now but it was a kick about with a football at the park and playing Lego. We both used to go to watch DS play football every weekend. Though around 25% of the time I would be meeting friends, On holiday DH and DS used to make the most amazing sand sculptures, they would take hours. We all like board games so there was scrabble, chess and stuff like Risk, DH never ever let DS win, he had to do it on his own merit. I have a great photo of the first time DS managed to win at Mah Jong when he was about 11. We also all video game so did team up for that sometimes.

We have adult dc (not dh child but been there since she was 4)
and 10 year old dc
Dh will (and has done)
trampoling
swiming
nflatable place
fair
park
walk
cinema
mini golf
bike riding
rock climbing
fast food/ ice cream

in the house he
plays computer games
cooks together
football in garden
board games
lego
building things

on a typical week he prob does 4 or 5 of the in house stuff. Taking dc out is probably a average of once a month but more in holidays

oh and he takes ds to martial arts

Interesting collection of answers. Perhaps from a self selecting group of people whose husbands are quite hands on.

As you have probably guessed dh is not very hands on, he finds it hard to engage with them he tends to be a bit lost. I dont know how common that is, so it is interesting to hear about others' lives.

My DH takes them swimming,
Arcade club
Gym with our 12year old in the teen sessions
Driving range
clip and climb
Bike rides
runs
watch F1 together

Our 10 year old has health issues and struggles with a lot of things. DH and DD play board and computer games together, go ice skating and bike rides which end with buying ice cream.

What is DH interested in doing for himself?