WWYD son’s school outfit choice

[anothereastlondonmum]

My son’s (age 5, 6 in August) state school has no uniform. He has recently chosen and bought with his pocket money a lovely t-shirt which he’s pleased with. He’s in Year 1 for context. He has decided to wear his new t-shirt tomorrow. The dilemma is that it has a pink sparkly unicorn design on the front. It was clearly a “girl’s” t-shirt (as in, the store was mixed but it was in a girls section), and of course me and his Dad think it’s lovely he loves it so much. I wish I wasn’t worried but there are two known bullies in his class who are very “alpha” and have bullied a number of the children before including our son. they are very “male” and talk about weaklings etc and have bullied another boy relentlessly who is fairly feminine in his rates.

The school is currently dealing with the bullies so it’s not so much about that aspect as I have already submitted a complaint and met with the teacher. Things are happening but as of tomorrow the two boys are still
in DS class. My dilemma is more about the very immediate term issue of DS wanting to wear his cute t-shirt tomorrow the first day back after half term. Do I send him into the lions den or do I say it’s in the wash?

I am a moral person and feel cross I’m even thinking about such a moral compromise as this, but when it’s your child you just want to protect them from pain 😭

The "in the wash" will only work for so long. Its a bloody shame that some kids have to spoil things for others. Can you suggest to your son that the t shirt is too lovely for school?? Would that work?

To add further context as I was rushing- DS is a fairly “standard” boy in terms of his likes, fashion, toys etc etc and so the unicorn y-shirt is motivate normal thing he wears - it’s more what he used to like when he was a toddler. We were surprised when he chose it but of course happy for him to choose whatever he liked.
Thats just to contextualise things as far as the bullies may see it.

I don’t think he would buy that excuse. He’s too switched on and stubborn!

@anothereastlondonmum shame it might have worked x

Have you talked about the possibility some of the kids might make fun of him for wearing it? If he knows that and still wants to wear it that’s a good sign he could carry it off.

If the bullies in his class have parents for bullies (likely) then your ds is going to be bullied. You can tell him it’s in the wash or you don’t want it worn at school as clothing can get wrecked at school much more quickly.

So is the general consensus to not send him in wearing it?

Obviously I feel bad I’m stopping him being himself

I’d say it’s in the wash for tomorrow tbh, and check in with the school about how they’d handle this issue with the bullies.

My friend’s son had a pair of pink sparkley trainers and when he was picked on the teacher basically said the bullies were right and those were girls shoes, so it’s worth checking attitudes!

It’s tricky. I feel my reception year boy wouldn’t blink an eye at a boy in a unicorn top. My Y2 boy would never wear it themselves and there would definitely be many negative comments amounts friends if he did- however this is also a year group that has a trans mtf child- which they’ve all taken in their stride with no negative comment- but children pick on the most random things!

Personally I would let hin choose to wear it.

I don’t want you getting marks pen on it AND tell him that some kids may say something nasty and how does he feel about that?

Sorry, just to clarify - are the two bullying kids in his class using the term "weaklings"?

The robust thing to do would be to have a chat about how some people have very particular, outdated views about boy and girl "traits", and because of this he might get unwanted reactions/comments. Hopefully that would help prepare him to deal with such shitty comments. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't do this though.

@anothereastlondonmum it's cruel of you not to tell him it's a girls' t-shirt and he is likely to get teased for wearing it. If you tell him, and he still wants to wear it, then fair enough. If you don't tell him, and he learns the hard way, then that will be your fault.

Tell him you don’t want him to risk getting pen or paint on it and to keep it for best for home.

This is really depressing. I have a son in year 1 and he loves unicorns. I bet there are others in your son’s class who would like it too but it sounds like these two bullies are setting the narrative. I would let him wear it OP

Yes it is so depressing 😣

Could you invent an accident in the wash and replace it with this one which is more unisex

My ds has had loads of pink stuff.. Trainers /coats /to shirts.. Yabu not to let ds wear the unicorn top.

Have you told him the bullies will pick on him for it? If so, is he bothered?

My sons would have happily worn pink and sparkly at that age but they were also really confident to cope with comments. Will he be upset if he’s subject to negativity?

I think I would have let my son wear it at 5 without saying anything. However, I don't think the class he was in would have battered an eyelid.

YABU to say that IABU to not let him wear the t-shirt @Sunnydaysarehereagain2026

its not so simple is it. I’m undecided about it and would love him to just wear what he likes. I just know that those boys will pick on him if he does. So it’s how to manage it.

@ToKittyornottoKittyi could do that but I am finding it hard to know what to say. As in, what is my justification for the bullies? There is none. I don’t want to explain to him that if you wear X you get bullied - it’s not right. At the same time I know I need to prepare him for the horrible realities of the world.

t’s a classic first child problem which I’m sure countless others have navigated!

Personally I would tell him that a lot of people think T-shirts with sparkles are only for girls and that you think he will get teased if he wears the T-shirt to school. Make clear that you think that boys and girls should be able to wear what they want, but that there are a lot of people who think differently and you can't make them change their minds. If he is still adamant that he wants to wear the T-shirt even if he gets teased for it, I would let him wear the T-shirt.

If it's owned and worn by a boy, then it's a boy's t-shirt.