If you were born in the early seventies and had an older brother ...

[hilife]

... what are your memories of your relationship? Mine was 2 years older, big and boisterous. I remember him teasing me, scoffing at me, and introducing me to playground trends like dead arms and chinese burns. I learned to fight back. We grew out of it and get on fine as adults, and he's now a well adjusted man with kids of his own.

I was reflecting on how different the relationship between my two children (both boys) has been. They are different to each other, but have always got along ok, encouraged by us. We obviously bring children up very differently now and things that seemed 'normal' in the seventies seem pretty bad now.

Have others had similar experiences with big brothers from that era?

I don’t have siblings but I have memories of Chinese burns and rough and tumble in the playgrounds. I was taught to hit back twice as hard. DF taught me some karate moves as self defence if I ever needed it. I definitely think we were tougher and are still tougher.

I was born late sixties with an older brother and yes we used to wrestle and physically fight a lot in a way that me own kids never did !

Yes my older brother hit me and I look back and wonder why my mum never did anything about it. She just used to say ‘sort it out between yourselves’. I don’t see him now as an adult. I have a teenaged boy and girl now and there is NO WAY I would put up with violence on either side.

I was born later in the 70s and have a younger brother, but yes, the same. We had physical fights and were generally awful to eachother. My children have never been like this at all. They would never a raise a hand to eachother.

I tend to think it's linked to the fact that my parents would hit us, so it was just normalised.

I was born a decade earlier and see no difference between sibling relationships now and then. Some got on some don’t. Some are physical, some aren’t. Unless you are a helicopter parent there will be plenty of opportunities for one sibling (not always the older one) to get physical with the other.
My parents never hit us - in fact that wasn’t the norm despite what everyone seems to think. And no one tolerated one child hitting the other - if they did it was bad parenting back then too. But children did have more freedom and we were outside til dinner time and lots went on during that time, mostly good!

I was born in the late seventies and younger sister in the early eighties. Our relationship was very similar to yours with your brother. Chinese burns, smacking each other around, teasing and hitting. We were also fiercely protective of each other. We were the only ones allowed to batter the other. We have a normal relationship now as adults.

My dds' relationship was very similar to mine and my sister's. Now they're young adults they don't physically fight anymore but to annoy each other just for the fun of it. They get on well.

My kids are like this despite me doing everything I can to encourage harmony and kindness. I think it’s a sibling thing rather than a decade thing.

Me and my older brother definitely had more physical fights when we were growing up than my kids (2 boys and a girl) did.

Yes, mine was just like that. I used to stand on the bed behind the door and wallop him with my majorette baton! We are definitely not close, have never really had much of a relationship.

I was born in the early 70's and my brother was 2 years older. We would scrap and fight. He would constantly tease me and wind me up. We were taught to stick up for ourselves so if my brother hit me I would wallop him one back. My parents mostly let us get on with it unless it got out of hand (and it did on the very odd occasion) where they would step in with a firm 'enough'.

Then again we also got on well. I remember us riding our bikes, climbing trees, paddling in streams, searching for conkers, and going on adventures. I remember how we snuck outside our rooms and met up on the landing after Mum and Dad had gone to bed and we would whisper and share sweets we had nicked from the treat cupboard during the day. 😂

We were also pretty protective of one another, especially once we reached our teens.

We have a good solid relationship now into adulthood which means a lot to me but yes, we did have a typical scrappy childhood at times.

My experience is pretty much identical to yours OP!

I do get on well with my DB now we are adults.

I was born early 90s and we did Chinese burns. Bloody ow! I was one of 3 girls and we regularly metered out injuries to each other including dislocated shoulders, ‘cracked’ heads, broken toes. Not just a boy thing. We physically fought for a loooooong time.

Yes, my DB is 3 years older and is a foot taller than me in adulthood. We used to physically fight. Neither of us is overly competitive in life, preferring our own furrow. With each other though, when young, whether a scrap, darts, marbles, monopoly, swimming - it went to the nth degree every time to our parents horror sometimes. We get on well in adulthood!
DH is older than his sister too, though they didn't fight and she was set on a pedastal, ready to be an absolute pain in the a** as an adult.
DS is an only child, competitive with himself and his pals a bit, but a lone wolf in a lot of ways.

Same. Also with a brother 2 years older. He used to grab hold of me and shake me around like a rag doll and not let go, wouldn’t let me leave rooms. Or throw me to the ground, lie on top of me so I couldn’t breathe. Often both in the same session.

Seeing as no one was there to protect me, I used to target the neck / throat to startle him into releasing me. He also called me the most vile and demeaning names well into my teens and did other stuff I’m not getting into.

Insane when you think about what he was allowed to do to me. My mother never intervened. She ‘disciplined’ him by hitting him with the wooden spoon if I told her what he’d done to me. I mean wtf.

I have instigated periods of nc with him. And he knows not to touch me again if he wants any kind of relationship with me. He’s a good foot taller and built like a brick shit house.

He’s not a fully developed adult emotionally and will always be mummy’s favourite. Been brought up to believe males are infinitely superior to females. I internalised that belief as a child. These days and for a very long time, that does not go down well with me!

We fought like car and dog, but against the world we had each other’s back. Solid relationship now.

I am very close to my brother who is 2 years older. We’ve always been close even as children but as we’ve grown older, I value him more as he’s one of two people (my mum being the other), who have known me the longest.

There was a 4 year age gap for me. He’s the older one.

He was quite frankly a cunt. Still is, no time for him at all.

I have two sons. They were both a couple of shits at times. Adults now and very close.

Born in 1970, brother two years older. I was very slight, he was a lot heftier. We used to wrestle as a play thing (I didn’t enjoy it much but went along with it). He also used to hit me, well into my teens. He chased me up the road once to punch me in the stomach which left me winded, he was at least 18 at the time. He also tore my looks to shreds, not just stopping at ‘ugly’ but specifically listing each flaw - your hips are big, you’ve got thick ankles etc. He also forced me to go shoplifting with him, and would lock me out of the house for hours at a time. We were latchkey kids a lot of the time, though had a series of au pairs as well at one point. My parents turned an absolute blind eye, and when i said to my mum many years later that he had bullied me she just said ‘Did he? I don’t remember.’

I blame his bullying in large part for the fact that I’ve never had a longterm relationship and have pretty bad anxiety.

We got on better when in our early 20s but then didn’t see each other for many years as we both lived abroad. I’d say now the relationship is wary, I don’t know if we will stay in touch when my parents have died. I guess a little bit, as he has kids and I want to stay part of their lives.

Not your question as I was born early 60s and my brother is 3 years younger. I am quite certain that he would have had an ADHD diagnosis these days and he was nothing but an annoyance.

I never, ever hit him or anything like but did tie him the laces on his tepee up ('a game') so thoroughly the knots had to be cut with scissors to get him out. My rationale was I wanted to read a book. When he was freed, he was sitting there cross legged and excited as to when this mythical game would start. See also, tying him to the washing line post at the top of the garden very thoroughly. He never learned.

We get on very well as a adults, I love him to bits and will always be in his corner.

Physical fighting wasn’t the big deal that it is now.

Mine were really into David Bowie and followed him around which I’m a bit jealous of now.

We were close when younger but he would tease relentlessly. Older, he would pin me down on the floor so I would knee him in the back to get him off me.

I daren't go in the kitchen or would get flicked with a towel, to upstairs as he would lay in wait to hit me or dangle me over the banister and many other things.

He once burnt me and I was told it was my own fault for letting him grab my hand and not moving it away!!

As we got older, I used to thump him in his stomach to get him off me. And I wonder why I am such an anxiety ridden mess. Deep down I blame him for it but parents say it's just brothers and sisters

I was born early 70’s, my brother is 18 months younger. I was passive and bookish. DB was loud and confrontational. He took drugs as a teen, hit and kicked me, fractured my dad’s cheekbone once, had my mum walking on eggshells. I hated him. We’re now mid 50’s, dad died many years ago and I haven’t spoken to him in over three years since my mums funeral. He’s mellowed and relatively ‘normal’ now but I will never forgive him, even if that means never seeing him or my nephew again. That earlier behaviour doesn’t get rewarded with a sibling relationship. We have no other siblings.

Mine was exactly the same experience as yours abs same outcome. Older brother by a year

Myself and my older brother used to physically fight like cat and dog because he enjoyed winding me up and watching me get increasingly aggravated, he got a massive kick out of that. The more distressed I was, the more pleasure he took. I tried to hold my own but ultimately he was older and physically bigger than me. It was sibling bullying, no different to any other kind of bullying where there is an imbalance of power, and should never be normalised or tolerated. In fact it's worse when it's behind closed doors.

My parents never bothered to intervene unless the noise of us arguing got too much for them to bear, then they would just say we were both as bad as each other.

My brother was and still is an arrogant, condescending, manipulative bully. He's a lot more subtle about it as an adult but I am one of the few people who see him for what he is.

I am so proud of the kind, loving and respectful relationship my kids have with each other.

I had a brother 7 years older than me and our relationship was quite cordial really, though I was afraid of him as he seemed to get terrible mood swings. There were times he was very kind to me. My sister who’s much closer to him in age really can’t stand him though. I think their arguments were more verbal than physical, she experienced it as relentless bullying and doesn’t want to be in touch with him now we’re all nearing retirement age.

The sibling relationship is a strange one but I do think it needs quite a bit of oversight as there seem to be a lot of ways it can go wrong. My mum and dad both had several siblings and seemed to think it would all work out naturally, despite the fact they had quite dysfunctional sibling dynamics themselves.