Moral of story - better to ask them out than miss your chance!

[ScullyD]

writing this here in case any woman out there needs some courage and looks up past threads!

I realised this local businessman had been checking me out for a few months so one day I found the confidence to approach him. I immediately felt the chemistry was real but then I buckled and didn’t ask him out but became a client instead! Stupid.

every time I went to see him it seemed clear the connection was there and I decided I’d work up to hopefully asking him out given we were both part of the community.

what I didn’t know was that by the time I plucked up this courage, he was already working out his notice! He posted online about how he left after 10 years and what’s weird is that I had lived locally for half that time but only just ended up being in his orbit recently.

anyway I can’t discuss this mad crush with anyone else and I’m a bit sad he’s gone although he still lives in the city. Wish I’d gone for it. Have courage other ladies!

According to his update, he doesn’t even have a new job and isn’t sure what’s next in life. He’s taking time out for a break after a decade of being in the field.

it might be ok to add him - I’ll think about it. Would hate to be rejected at this stage!

@ScullyD “think about it”? What have you got to lose?!

Just send him a message! - ‘Hope you don’t mind me contacting you and you can disregard this if I have misread any signal but I was wondering if….’

@SeriousFaffing my pride and dignity 😂

im good at doing the action in your username!

I think you should follow your own advice otherwise in a year when he has met someone else you'll be saying why did I miss my chance twice!

@ScullyD

Ahaha you and I can be queens of faffing about.

Disregard your dignity just this once (sorry). You never know what could happen and if you don’t have any mutual connections, you never have to see, talk to or hear about him again.

And unfortunately a lot of the "good" men don't have the confidence to ask out a woman either. It's generally the over-confident, "cocky" ones who do the "scattergun" approach of asking lots of women out and hoping/expecting a few to accept. The quiet ones will end up like the OP, and regretting not having the confidence to go for it.

Girl take your advice and tell us how it goes!!!!

I remember thinking he looked delighted when I approached him and couldn’t stop smiling. Can’t believe I’m still getting crushes after 30!

if he did feel the same, he was probably disappointed when I enquired about business. I’m so daft. I’ll sleep on it this weekend and see if I can work myself up to it or not!

Also a quick Facebook stalk makes me think that like me he also had a long term relationship end recently-ish. Just from the limited info I have. Definitely isn’t easy getting back in the ring when you’ve been burned.

He might just be shy? Same as you, scared of a knock back. But, honestly, what is the worst that can happen? He says 'no' and you move on. So what? Do it!!!

I divorced, did some online dating and everyone seemed to like yak yak yakking for ages. I couldn't be bothered with that so asked out each and every one of the 5 dates I had. Turns out date no 4 was the one (date 5 already booked so went anyway). Getting on for 4 years later and were still together. Glad I asked now!

DO IT!!!!

@roycroppersshopper i think because he comes across confidently in his work I assume he would have made some sort of move.

But then I think about that first approach when he was like a rabbit in headlights. And the lovely way he looked at me made me think hmm, something going on here. You doubt yourself because you don’t know the persons circumstances which is fair enough.

I know folk are saying what’s the worst that could happen, but rejection does have an impact 😂

I’m sorry but no. If he liked you he would have asked you out. It’s that simple. Men go after what they want.

Yup, my (now) DH was "shy" and we faffed around for ages (literally months) before we kind of drifted together into dating, he never did "formally" ask me out, and neither did I. It was more of a very "slow burn". He was even too shy to hold my hand for about six months and I had to be the one to do the first kiss a few months after that. Talk about being slow on the uptake! I was his first & only girlfriend (when he was 23 years old!!) and he'd never dated/went out with anyone else at all. That was 39 years ago and we're still happily together. If I hadn't taken the lead, I suspect he'd still be single today as he was petrified of being knocked back with a rejection. (He had a strange upbringing with a strange controlling mother so had a bit of a warped view of lots of things - luckily I "cured" him and now he's pretty normal).

Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith. To the OP, so what if he knocks you back. You're not his client anymore, you probably won't even see him again. Even if you throw yourself at him and make a complete fool of yourself, what does it matter? You really don't have to see him again. But the chances are he'll be thinking the same as you and regretting not making a move himself. Just take a breath and take the risk!

Most men, maybe, but some don't, and that's when you have to take the leap of faith yourself.

It was easier in the old days when we could use the old 'my mate fancies you' trick. Now we have to resort to snooping on social media to work out if they're single or gay

Of course rejection hurts, but you will get over it in time and probably fairly quickly depending on how quickly you act. The longer you build him up in your head (your fantasy version) the harder the fall. When in reality you might ask him out and:

A: he says yes, he's fucking fabulous, you fall in love and have a wonderful relationship

B: he says yes and turns out to be a tight, arse picking, arse scratching, dick who gives you the ick after 1 date

C: he says no, so what move on he's not for you, You'll be ok I promise

You'll never know, until you ask.

The longer you wait, the more you build up your fantasy version of him and the harder the fall.

Just do it! (apols to Nike)