Moral of story - better to ask them out than miss your chance!

[ScullyD]

writing this here in case any woman out there needs some courage and looks up past threads!

I realised this local businessman had been checking me out for a few months so one day I found the confidence to approach him. I immediately felt the chemistry was real but then I buckled and didn’t ask him out but became a client instead! Stupid.

every time I went to see him it seemed clear the connection was there and I decided I’d work up to hopefully asking him out given we were both part of the community.

what I didn’t know was that by the time I plucked up this courage, he was already working out his notice! He posted online about how he left after 10 years and what’s weird is that I had lived locally for half that time but only just ended up being in his orbit recently.

anyway I can’t discuss this mad crush with anyone else and I’m a bit sad he’s gone although he still lives in the city. Wish I’d gone for it. Have courage other ladies!

Is there really no hope with this one? Same city - and I do understand that it might be tricky with travel if it's a big city - worth a punt still? This is a very sweet post, it's also encouraged me to text someone I met yesterday...

@Arlanymor i don’t know how. I’d have to add him on LinkedIn or Facebook randomly. Or hope he’s on the apps. I will sometimes be in his area but I don’t see how I can look him up now without being very obvious and clearly having online stalked him!

Seeing him and talking in the last few months had put a spring in my step as he’s a unique person, so I really will miss him. I’m happy this post has encouraged you though 🙂

I was too scared to ask him out as my confidence was knocked after my relationship ended.

Last time I saw him he was talking about how ‘life if short, don’t you think?’ and I was thinking yeah it is, and I wish I could ask you but I can’t in this professional setting! So annoying.

Well if he was a client then I think a LinkedIn connection is perfectly valid - do it now! Yes it's horrible when your confidence is knocked, I have been there many times. But as you say, when you have a bit of a spring in your step, it's good to capitalise on it and push yourself out on to the ledge a little bit. Fingers crossed for you!

I’d add him on the platform of your choice, drop him a message and ask him out. Just look at tit this way, even if he says no, for whatever reason, you have it a shot and put a smile on his face

If you know him professionally then surely adding him on LinkedIn is perfectly reasonable and normal?

Completely agree, looking them up is exactly how people link to people on linked in, and send an invitation (which generally they accept if they know you). Get in and do it :-)

@Arlanymor I became a client of his and now he’s left that establishment. It’s hard to explain but it wouldn’t make sense to add him after the fact.

Part of the reason I didn’t ask him out was because I was thinking I don’t want to make life awkward for him if he works here (not knowing he wouldn’t work there for long!).

Wish I’d trusted my instincts so live and learn. I’m still not sure I have the confidence to add him! I’ll think about it.

Also what gives me pause is that he didn’t tell me he was leaving! I last saw him 1 1/2 weeks ago and he said ‘goodbye, for now anyway’. Part of me feels if he was bothered he’d have found a way to slip his departure in as a way to keep in touch later?

Go for it. Add hom LinkedIn. See if he's on Facebook. Send him a message. Better to regret sending it if he say no than to live with what ifs. Be brave 😁

I promised myself I wouldn’t ask a man out or a chase a man next time. I did this with my ex and it didn’t work long term…

Oh sorry, I thought it was the other way around. Sorry for misunderstanding.

All that said - I have lots of LinkedIn contacts with people I met through previous roles - someone added me the other day who I haven't worked with in about a decade. I think it's a fairly benign way to say hello...

I don't think adding someone to LinkedIn is chasing - he can say no to the request after all. But I totally respect the boundaries you have put in place for yourself.

I've asked out two men in my life and got spectacularly rejected - I swore I'd never do it again! I've got a lovely customer who I'm 99% sure likes me but there's no way in hell I'm going to FB friend request him or casually ask him to go for a coffee 😭

Why don't you ask him casually if he fancies going out for a beer before he leaves, almost like a leaving drink? If he says no then you are no worse off than now. If he says yes, then who knows where it may lead to. Don't wonder, do! Good luck x

Haha I know exactly. And now it looks like I only became a client because I fancy him! Which is half true…

it isn’t easy to put yourself out there, that’s for sure.

It's ridiculous isn't it, in this day and age of strong confident women we still prefer the men to do the asking 😓

@YelramBob I know. My friend says she thinks men say they want to be asked out but don’t actually like it that much in practice. Not sure how true that is!

in my case I knew I would have to do the asking out here as if he did he would be breaking a professional boundary. But even now with that removed, it’s difficult.

Why did he say, 'goodbye for now anyway' then?

I would be wondering when he is going to contact you... If he is keen, he will. If he has no bollocks or is not that interested, he won't.

Are you easy to find on social media?

I want him to find you and ask you!!

How is breaking a professional boundary, is he in the medical profession?

I know, I thought he just meant until the next time.

It’s still tricky though, isn’t it? As a client I gave him my name and details from a customer point of view. This guy was like an upstanding member of the community so I really doubt he’d contact me using these details now.

im easy to find and I actually suspect he might’ve looked me up already but im sort of with you. Part of me thinks if he was interested he would’ve found a way to keep in touch, rather than just leave.

Yes. Not a doctor, but the medical sphere.

Then it’s a non starter

Surely it's valid to add him on LinkedIn and ask how his new job is going. Then take it from there

Not sure the field comes into it given he’s left. It’s more that it would’ve been considered my private data and as a good guy (which he seems to be!) I doubt he use my info to contact me.

this is why I should’ve asked him out to start with. I was too scared. So again, cautionary tale.