Abusive neighbour

[tanalle24]

I have a neighbour that is refusing to give my children’s footballs back, she said she is going to put them in the bin as they have landed in her garden. She’s also sent me aggressive messages, insulting my children and sworn at me, I have remained civil throughout the exchanges but I’m starting to feel intimidated in my own home and worried what she’s capable of next.

Yes if they can't control where the balls land and expect the ndn to keep throwing them vack, put up trellis or netting.

A non-issue for your neighbour perhaps, but maybe they don't have a prized collection of plants that keep getting damaged by your kids' carelessness.

Yes, children can play with a ball in their own gardens, but they should be taught to be careful and not kick the damn thing over the fence.

I don't think she would be like at a whole life order do you?

Fair enough about the balls really, she’s warned…. It’s extremely annoying. Occasionally it’s fine, like once or twice a year. If they can’t be sensible with balls in the garden, they’ll have to go to a park with a field to play ball games! There’s lots of other games they can play. It’s inconsiderate you haven’t stopped it yet.

I need more info about the texts to decide whether they’re unreasonable or not. If she’s just said they’re inconsiderate gits ruining her flower bed then I can imagine that being told to kids directly back when I was a child and not unreasonable given the circumstances. But if it was something more personal then obviously massively unreasonable and worrying.

She's still broken the law. If you don't agree with the law maybe speak to your MP in the meantime don't break the law.

Oh well pick and choose your laws, sounds like a good idea. I had a neighbour who burst the kids ball and was very unpleasant. A word from the PCSO enlightened them.

A word from a 5ft1 18 year old PCSO, that must have been intimidating!

We were told she was. The annoying thing was her kid kicked his ball into our garden and we just gave it back so my kids ball coming back having been wrecked with a knife was very annoying. Once she knew the legal position she didn't do it again. Thinking about it I can't remember if their ball ever went in her garden again but she promised to return it if it did.

Exactly. Once or twice is an accident. More than that ...

He was in his 40s and definitely taller than 5"1'. Are you always ageist and heightist?

Yes.

Balls landing in your garden are so very annoying. One almost landed in my cup of tea once. Which means it nearly hit me.
I used to let the children collect them, then sometimes throw them back over.
But it became appalling. Once I heard they were back from school I mentally used to think ‘give it 10 minutes’. Sure enough doorbell. And loud knock. Several times a day this would happen in good weather. I couldn’t go to the loo, ring my mum. Do very much really. I became a house prisoner to the footballs.

I decided I would not keep the balls but insist mum or dad came round to collect them. I figured only when I annoyed them as must as they me might it calm down.

I never got a chance to do so. Whether they heard us talking and our plan I don’t know. But the football stopped.

Do not underestimate how intrusive it can be.

We used to get balls over all the time. It was magical how it stopped when I told our neighbour that I wasn't going to kill myself getting to them before the dog did. I'd send them back in my own time but if the dog popped them first that was her problem.

Every utterance is picked over to see if one can be offended.

Dread the warm evenings and any school holidays. As luck would have it the main perpetrator seems to have not been dumped here by his father for a while so we’ve been able to have the windows open. No, never underestimate how the constant invasion of your personal space can affect your mental health.

If you were to give full transparency, is there any more to this situation?

You mention her texting you insults, clearly you know (or knew?) each other enough to exchange numbers. Did the insults really come out of absolutely nowhere or was there any reason it started escalating with her before this?

I'm not saying she is justified (maybe she is just mean!) but a football landing in the back garden wouldn't usually result in such an extreme response from someone.

Simple, don’t allow your children to kick balls into other people’s gardens, take them to the park. Your poor neighbours.

Yes, that's true. But you also have a legal right to quiet enjoyment of your house and garden.

In our previous house, one set of neighbours used to relentlessly kick the ball and the fence. The noise was so stressful. It was unpleasant sitting out in the garden never knowing when a ball would come over and land on you, your plants or your toddler. The expectation that balls would be sent back over as soon as they landed or, if they didn't, there would be knock at the door was stressful and intrusive. On holidays, I'd get constant interruptions while I was trying to WFH. Also, the fence, that was ours, kept having slats kicked loose that we then had to pay to fix.

I'm not condoning "stealing balls" or aggression and swearing but I can totally see why the neighbour is in no rush to return balls and why the neighbour is frustrated.

Some people are just mean. I gave the kids next door permission to come in the back garden to retrieve balls/frisbees.. they are really good. In and out and I don’t have to deal
with it!

And some people are just annoying

It’s a story as old as time. My neighbour has taken a stand about the same thing. I e had a massive go at my kids, the goal has come down but kids will ultimately be kids and one day they grow up.

My parents are elderly "(80s) their garden is their pride and joy.
Last year they had a heavy ball land in the pond.
A very big valuable much loved koi was killed.

That’s bloody awful. They truly don’t give a fuck do they as long as they’re doing what they want.

I really couldn't get as worked up as your neighbour is getting. Yes it's frustrating but why not just throw them back over whilst praying I don't accidentally bounce a ball off a child's head. Or if it's really becoming a problem, bring the ball to the door and speak to the parents?

We had the same, in fact there was a post on this very topic last month: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5523617-aibu-not-to-outright-ban-kids-from-playing-with-balls-in-garden-after-neighbours-complained?flipped=1&page=11

And our cats were hit, glasses and crockery were broken, so were ceramic plant pots - it became impossible to use our garden in the summer while the 'Ball Family' were living next door to us. Utter disregard for our comfort in our own garden.