If your DC didn’t go to uni, do they regret it?

[Wildturnip]

My DD is coming to the end of Year 12. She’s taking a mix of BTEC’s and A-levels. She’s unsure what she wants to do in the long term. She’s also had a really tough time with friendships throughout school and taken some big knocks to her confidence.

Her sixth form is very academic and they say 80% of their students go to uni. Along with not knowing what she wants to do/study there’s also the debt. And from my side I worry about her socially. That she’ll feel she’s missed out on that experience. We live in a small market town and I do worry about friendships for her. The sixth form are so pushy about university, it feels like it’s the only option for her. We’ve explored apprenticeships including some with her part time job. I just don’t want her to feel she’s missed out on the experience and socially as so many kids locally are going.

A degree isn’t everything. I’ve worked with so many people who went to uni and couldn’t get a job after and are just working jobs a degree isn’t needed for. The 2 most successful people in my school year didn’t go to uni. They got a job after A levels and worked their way up.

Neither of mine did, and neither regrets it. One went into retail management training, found he had a head for business and is now operations director for a major US (not tech) company; the other followed a passion and runs an SME that won’t make him rich, but more than pays the bills.

I didn’t have the opportunity to go to university after school - poor family, expected to contribute financially from 15 - and regretted it massively. I finally went in my 30s, with two kids. That’s probably what put them off. I still wish I’d been able to start younger, as I’d have stayed in academia if I hadn’t had kids to house and feed.

So I guess my answer is: it depends, but it’s not a once and done opportunity even if she doesn’t go now.

@Wildturnip2 of his 5 friendship group earn over £100k and others earn I think lowest is £70k. The thing is DS got better grades than his friends and he grasps things so quickly. I'm sure he's bored in his job but he never says so. I'm hoping he will go to uni. I'm in a position to pay his mortgage for him whilst he's there and help him out financially. It has to be him wanting to do it though.

My DS is 19, 20 later this year. He finished school last June, so nearly a year ago. He didn’t go to university. He hated school and wanted to work as a coach in hIs favourite sport, which he is very good at (but nowhere near good enough to play professionally). Just after Christmas he had a wobble as he felt ‘behind’ his peers but he stuck to his guns, passed his driving test - which was key to both confidence and employment - and has just completed his second qualification and secured a role in his sport. He’s loving life, and said this afternoon that he ‘can’t wait for tomorrow’ because he’s running loves his work.

While it may not always be the best paying work and may not be his career for life, it pays well for a 19 year old school leaver, he’s doing something he loves and there is lots of room for further development and earning potential as he gains experience and completes further qualifications. Lots of transferable skills too, if he decides to move on when he’s older. So for him, zero regrets!

I think the best thing you can do is explore all of her options together, maybe even go to a couple of open days to see if she likes the feel of uni life, and then support whatever she wants to do. She will appreciate the support and you allowing her to make her own decision.

@ilovepixie, we’ve seen so many people saying their degree isn’t related to what they’re doing now.

@ReignOfError, it sounds like your children have done really well without a degree and have forged their own paths. It’s really reassuring to hear they don’t regret it.

@caringcarer, that’s incredibly salaries. It’s a strange stage as they still need support but they need to make decisions for themselves.

@JustBec, that sounds great for your ds. Sport can be so tough to get a break into. The latest NEET figures is such a worry that I think as she isn’t sure about university that getting into work sooner rather than later is probably better but like you say, you have to let them make their own choices. This is the part of parenting I’ve found hardest, especially as she has a profoundly disabled sibling who I do and always have to make decisions for and I have to help control their world to keep them regulated. It’s very tough when my dd doesn’t want lots of support to step back for her.

DS went to a pushy grammar school that expected everyone to go to Uni. He did A levels in 2024 and decided not to take up his Uni offer. He realised he just didn't want to go and was very worried about the cost and the debt he would end up with.

He is now working in insurance underwriting earning £35k a year plus bonuses and all travel costs and lunch allowance paid plus a lifestyle allowance. He beat a graduate with a first from a top uni to the job in the final interview round. He has a clear career path to follow as he passes his insurance exams and will get pay rises for each exam pass.

Lots of his school mates are also working in finance or in accountancy apprenticeships and they meet for lunch and evening drinks and spend weekends having fun together too. He has done two ski holidays with his old non uni going school mates and has summer holidays with his girlfriend.

He has zero regrets and tells me he gets so many requests on linked in from younger boys at his old school asking for advice on how to get into the insurance industry without a degree.

The cost of going to Uni is really putting kids off.