If your DC didn’t go to uni, do they regret it?

[Wildturnip]

My DD is coming to the end of Year 12. She’s taking a mix of BTEC’s and A-levels. She’s unsure what she wants to do in the long term. She’s also had a really tough time with friendships throughout school and taken some big knocks to her confidence.

Her sixth form is very academic and they say 80% of their students go to uni. Along with not knowing what she wants to do/study there’s also the debt. And from my side I worry about her socially. That she’ll feel she’s missed out on that experience. We live in a small market town and I do worry about friendships for her. The sixth form are so pushy about university, it feels like it’s the only option for her. We’ve explored apprenticeships including some with her part time job. I just don’t want her to feel she’s missed out on the experience and socially as so many kids locally are going.

Put it this way. I did go, pushed into it by my parents.

I regret it. Or I regret not waiting until I had more life experience and a better idea of what jobs were out there.

so I went. I did well, I got a good degree. Career wise I bobbed about from one thing to another. When I was about 28 I found a career I really wanted to do. Only it needed a degree. One I didn’t have.

i did look into retraining but i would have had to pay full costs as a second degree. 3 years not earning, not eligible for loans, and full fees to pay. I simply couldn’t afford it.

i would say don’t go unless you have a particular academic interest in the subject, or you know what your career path looks like and you need the degree for it.

One of my dcs went into full time employment straight from sixth form, but eight years later is at university. He wouldn't have done the course he's doing now if he'd gone to university at 18.
So he doesn't regret anything.

Oh and to add- my dd is the same. She is going to get a job, any job, be it waitressing or whatever. Hopefully save up for a few years, and be in a better place financially if she does decide to go.

@Yetanotherone12, I think she’d probably be better with professional qualifications. My dd has a job at our local sports centre so could continue working there to earn money whilst she searched for something else.

@Noshadelamp, that’s brilliant for your son. Has he got a good social life as well?

DS is 19. Started his apprenticeship at 16, currently earning around £35k per year. Will have industry recognized qualifications and a lot of relevant experience and skills above that of those that have gone to Uni. He doesn't regret it.

@Littletreefrog, that’s brilliant. It sounds like your son has really benefited from not going.

I worked with some Big4 consultants a while back and one of them had come up through one of the company’s school leaver programs they do where you join at 18 and do a part-time degree / qualification without going to university. This guy seemed to have the biggest complex about it, when precisely nobody gave a fuck. He talked endlessly about how he was ‘getting the best of both worlds’ and ‘not getting into debt’. I mean, if university were just about learning in preparation for a specific job, then yeah, he’d have a point. But most people understand that that’s only a tiny sliver of the university experience (we didn’t bother explaining this or getting into a debate with him about it). So they may not regret it, but it could lead to insecurity in some sectors where 99% of professionals are graduates?

My sixth form was pushy about uni like that, because they want the records for their academic status. But I found the lacked very much in giving good advice about what career paths are available after a certain degree.

I went to uni, i enjoyed it because i wanted to move away from home. I made my best friend there, but i have never used my degree in a job.

I wouldn’t recommend uni as the next step if she doesn’t know what she wants to study or what she can use it for after graduation. She can always decide to go a bit later.

Daughter is 20, never got on with education. Always felt like she wasn’t good enough. Took a year out travelling did a couple of retail jobs, realised that she’s was really very good with people - now has a job earning £35k/yr. They need to be brave - it is tough to not know what you are doing next when all your friends had the comfort of a three year degree buffer. But lots or opportunities out there!

@Sonrieninteresting post. My DD is 18 and hated school. Has loved working behind a bar for the past 10 months and has just gone of travelling for a couple of months. We are just trying to think about next steps for when she returns. All her friends are either already in uni or going after a gap year in sept. She’s also very good with people but doesn’t think she wants to work in hospitality full time. What has your daughter found that she loves? (If you don’t mind sharing)

Eldest dc did an apprenticeship
and has a higher level professional
qualification. Occasionally has a ‘what if’ but also more than happy with the route he took.

Youngest son never wanted to go to uni and has progressed on the career ladder.

Both would have been at uni during covid, so a blessing in disguise they didn’t go.

You think she'd be better with professional qualifications. You think she'll feel as though she has missed out, and you are concerned about missing out socially because so many of the local kids are going. I have the impression you will be disappointed in her and she'll be letting you and the school down if she doesn't go.

She's concerned about the cost because she worried about your reaction to having all that money wasted on something she doesn't really want to do.

Let her find her own way. Let her talk, and you listen. Don't keep telling her what you think about it. If she asks for your help or advice, then give it, and try to be unbiased. Otherwise - please keep out of it and let her make her own decisions.

My son didn't really want to go to
Uni so we said try a term - he's really enjoyed meeting lots of
different people, sharing flats and houses and all the societies - snowboarding/ surfing / camping etc and without going to Uni would not have had the mates to do that with - so
in a roundabout way it's been brilliant for him

My DD went to uni and loved it and it helped her get a good job. My eldest DS didn't go to uni. He is a class 1 lorry driver and he likes his job. My youngest gets DS didn't go to uni but had very good grades at A level and I'm not sure if he regrets it or not .I've mentioned several times over the years if he ever decided he wanted to go back we'd support him and make sure his mortgage was paid. All of his friends went to uni with lower grades than him. Now he's sees two of them earning over £100k a year and the others iro £75-90k when he's on a low wage.

@YoBetty, I don’t mind if she goes or not. I went and my DH didn’t. But I didn’t enjoy university. I’m happy for her to follow whatever path she chooses I just worry a lot about her as you see a lot of people saying uni was the best time of their lives etc. I’ll support her whichever route she chooses as I just want her to be happy. I keep out of it and have said if she wants to go we will support her but that’s the limit of my involvement. I don’t really care what her sixth form think. But I do worry but I’m aware they’re my worries to deal with.

@knackeredmumoftwo, that’s what I worry she’d miss out on. The social side of it.

She says she’s quite burnt out at the moment and has reached her limit with studying for now.

@caringcarer, how does your son feel about some of his friends earning that? I imagine that must be quite a rare salary.

@Silverbirchleaf, my friend’s daughter went to uni during covid times and did feel she missed out so probably a blessing your kids didn’t go. It’s good they don’t dwell on it.

Dc1 is 22 and earning £30000, after college went into an entry level job in nhs and boss saw potential, put dc forward for a training programme and now has a foundation degree, can progress to a full degree when the nhs start putting money into education again. Has no regrets and no debt. Dc had an idea of what they wanted to do but not specifics and working helped them to see what they actually wanted to do.
Dc2 and 3 are currently y12.
Dc2 is definitely adamant wants to go to university and I think this is right for their career path.
Dc3 isn't sure, we've been to look at university, we'll start looking at apprenticeships in September and also look at jobs next year. I've encouraged dc3 to look at and apply for everything that is a potential and then can make a descion later. I think dc really grow up between end of y11 and end of y13 and as they study more things start to click. Hopefully dc3 will have an epiphany if not I'll be encouraging them to get a job and not rush into something they later regret.

My daughter was in top set and encouraged to go to university. The course she wanted to do was miles from home and she didn't like the town the university was in so delayed going and then they stopped offering the course. Every now and then she talks about should she go to university to give herself better employment opportunities. However many of her friends went and they didn't all have a positive experience. A few dropped out of their courses, some didn't enjoy their courses. One had crazy house mates (bullying, drugs, partying) a few did engineering, nursing, doctor and had a firm idea where they were headed and it worked out for them. Two did animation and can't get a job with this qualification. In conclusion for her it wasn't all that she felt it was sold to her as. She's a bit more cynical now and thinks it's a money business not necessarily with the best interests of young people at the centre of it all.

@Bagsoflifewipedout, sounds really positive for your DC1 so far then. I think it’s great if you can find a really supportive employer who is willing to invest in you.

@Bristolandlazy, it seems like it’s not necessarily the same as it was years ago and it feels like for a lot of people if your career choice needs a degree it would be a no brainer. One of my dd’s friends her sister came back from uni having done a degree and a master in medieval history now works part time at the local library so she knows not all degrees led to a job.

A big part of it I think is me over worrying that as she hasn’t found her people yet that if lots of kids are still going down the uni route she might regret not following that path and getting that experience. She’s a hard worker and we don’t have any expectations on next steps just that she’s happy.

He feels the age and experience difference quite a bit but he has a lot of friends outside of uni. He gets along with the students but doesn't really socialise.

One thing he's doing that neither of my dd's did who went to university straight after 6th form, is he's making the most of all the facilities and extra lessons/guest lecturers etc
Most of the first years are there to socialise and miss out on making the most of the actual education available!

You say she’d miss out on the social side but remember that she’ll come out with 40k+ of debt which will have interest added and could become a massive debt to pay back. I work for local government and we have a number of degree apprentices who are getting a degree/masters with all costs covered including travel and books. They are earning around 30k per year and two have just bought houses with their partners.
my bosses son graduated 2 years ago with 60k of debt and is earning the same as our apprentices. I know what I’d be advising my child if they were considering a degree!

I didn't go and it's one of my biggest regrets. I left home at 16 and went straight into full time employment. I did well in the early days of my career but quickly reached a ceiling without a degree.

DS isn't very academic but he's going to uni to do a subject he absolutely loves and he's really looking forward to it. He's staying at home, we're lucky to have some excellent universities near enough to commute to. He has a good part time job too.

There are so many different subjects, has she explored everything? And apprenticeships, has she considered all options? The main thing is that she doesn't do "nothing". It is very easy to slip into NEET status and very difficult to get out of.

One of mine did a year out/gap year after A levels because they also felt burned out and needed to be a different person away from the studying. They worked, travelled, and went the year after, having thought more about what subject and place they wanted to go to. Might be an idea, although there are not heaps of casual jobs everywhere right now, if she's flexible about what she does and is prepared to do most things, it could just provide a bit of breathing space.

@Noshadelamp, that’s really helpful advice thanks. I’ll definitely encourage picking up webinars or lectures where she can.

@wishingitwasfriday, my husband is really worried about her picking up debt especially when we worked out it could be nearer to 50k. We’ve heard quite a few stories about graduates coming out with debts and the degree not opening doors to a higher salary.

@DelilahBucket, would you feel differently about going now with the debt attached? I do worry she’ll have regrets but appreciate she has to make her own choices. We don’t have universities near to us that would make commuting possible. She’s also not hugely passionate about anything although she does enjoy sport. She currently has two part time jobs in our local town with one where she might be able to increase her hours.

@Corvidsarethebest, she’s got a part time job that she could keep going with. I do think she needs a break from studying though and might give her a chance to step back and evaluate things a bit more.

A professional apprenticeship, five years amazing qualification no debts

no

Youngest didn’t want to go like his brothers, he eventually went at 24 after some very ordinary jobs, doing a subject he never would have chosen at 18! I myself went at 43. Its better to do it when you want to and have a clear idea of what you want to do.........not many 18 year olds do🤷