What counts as a 'long-term' relationship?

[Littlebitpsycho]

Just curious really.

I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months, recently moved in together.

His longest ever relationship prior to me was just over a year, so to him our relationship is 'long-term'

My SHORTEST relationship was 3.5 years, and the longest 10 years, so to me we're early days still.

(I'm late 30s, he's late 40s if that's relevant at all)

I totally agree.

2 years to me is a long term relationship.

@LizandDerekGoals I imagine during his first relationship as a late teen he may not have been - as who knows what they want at that stage in life?

The others he was up front with, however perhaps the women either didn't want kids and then changed their minds, or thought they could change his mind.

I already have a DD14, and the day I gave birth I knew I'd never be interested in having another, so it never bothered me one iota when he told me, in fact I thought thank christ for that!

By that logic every divorced person should be a red flag. Because if you've had 2 long-term relationships before marrying, then got married and divorced after 15 years (all pretty average) you've still only had relationships that didn't work out.
If you also include the married people who never divorce but are actually horrible to their spouse, that doesn't leave many people who aren't red flags!

I agree with you but I think I’m out of step. I also think that the word “partner” is used more loosely than I would

Yeah it’s funny how people assume a marriage or a long term relationship means the relationship “worked out ”.

A significant amount of people are in horrible toxic relationships that are not functioning in a healthy or meaningful way.

Yes I remember years back being at s NYE party with some local friends and one of the women there said something like ‘we all want to know what’s the secret of your marriage - we all think you’re the happiest couple we know’
I didnt tell her that has discovered a year before that H was having an affair. He finished it and we worked through it but it
was by no means easy!
(We did divorce several years later because of another affair)
I was gobsmacked that people’s perception was that all was rosy with us.

So now I never assume anything about other people’s relationships.

Wow yeah it just shows how wrong we can be in our assumptions as outsiders looking in on other peoples relationship.

And working through it often ultimately means tolerating something someone else wouldn’t. A lot of people are single because of high standards basically.

I think sometimes even those within the marriage have the wrong idea about it and see it through rose tinted glasses. I had a work colleague who made sure the first thing she told me after introducing herself was that she was so lucky her “perfect” husband “had chosen” her and they’ve been together for seven years - since she was 21.

In her mind they had an amazing marriage.

Well sadly less than a year later this same colleague was crying on the phone to me at midnight because she discovered a long term affair and he left her and their child a few months later.

I don’t think that’s fair. I was mid 40s before I had a serious LTR. Up until that point I’d always been significantly overweight and had no confidence. When I finally lost weight and found my confidence, love came my way. Some people have very legit reasons.