What counts as a 'long-term' relationship?

[Littlebitpsycho]

Just curious really.

I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months, recently moved in together.

His longest ever relationship prior to me was just over a year, so to him our relationship is 'long-term'

My SHORTEST relationship was 3.5 years, and the longest 10 years, so to me we're early days still.

(I'm late 30s, he's late 40s if that's relevant at all)

I'd be wary about him. A bloke in his late 40s who has never had a LTR is a red flag.

I'm more with you OP. I'd say 2 years before the long term stage.

I mean age plays a part obvs. When you're a teen anything over 6 months feels long term 😝

I think the fact that you are living together makes it a long term relationship, surely it would be intended that way?

I think that's unfair. You could just as easily say that a person who has had several long term relationships fail is a red flag. Sounds like he doesn't mess about and if a relationship doesn't feel like a goer he ends it after a year, which seems reasonable.

I think it’s all relative. Age plays a big part but also the fact that you’re living together too implies heading long term. I’m with others though I’d be massively concerned that anyone that age hasn’t spent longer than a year with someone one.

And as far as long term goes I think you need to be living together for several years before I consider it long term. My 18 yo has friends who have been dating since they were 14. For them it seems long term but since they both still live with their parents I wouldn't.

I’d say a couple of years is a long term relationship, as long as both people are making plans together for the future that include each other and your lives are intertwined.

He's never been interested in having kids which I imagine is why he's struggled to have a long term relationship in his younger years as 'most' women want kids eventually.

I don't see that as a red flag tbh

@FruAashild agree.

Maybe I'M the red flag as I've had 3 long term relationships which haven't lasted 🤷‍♀️🤣

Couple of year seems long term, if living together. But you could be dating somewhat casually for a couple of years and it not be a long term relationship. Depends on the commitment level I’d say. I have a friend who met, married and had a child within two years - hardly casual dating.
So just depends really on the relationship.

Would I be a red flag if the same was true for me as a woman?

I wouldn't say you're 'early days' OP. Lots of people get married, have a first child or get a mortgage together in that length of time. However, I would say 2 years + is typically a long term relationship. It does depend on the relationship though. I've known people who are still very casual at that stage and others who are very much in it for the long run at the same number of months together.

Absolutely. A person unable to make a proper commitment.

Or a person able to walk away instead of clinging on when it isn't working.

And no relationship in 30 years as an adult has ever worked?

Or someone who just hasn't met the right person yet and doesn't want to settle for the sake of it.

Why? Why? Why? WTAF. Can't wait for an explanation.

The Armed Forces consider 12 months long term.

Wow! Good to know I'm a walking red flag. I commit to lots of things but have never met the right person to settle down with. Guess I never will if I'm seen as a red flag!

I'm single myself.

But I think if you get to middle age and have never had a longer relationship, it's time to accept the reason is you, not other people.

You haven’t a lot of imagination. There are many reasons one might not have had a ltr in life that don’t involve lacking the ability to commit.

Great. Thanks.

@Slightyamusedandsilly in my partners case he would agree that the reason for him not having a long term relationship is him, not other people.

Because he didn't want children.

Does not wanting children make him a red flag? I'm genuinely curious

I think of over a year as long term. If you have been through all four seasons together, Christmas, each other's birthdays, got to know eachother's friends, maybe met some of their family, gone beyond dating to everyday life and are starting the cyle again, that seems like a sign of longevity.

I say 18 months