Baby shower, yes or no??!

[Habesha91]

Doubting if I should have baby shower or not. I was into the idea of having one like at home with close family and friends. However, with how people are these days and how little they care and selfish they have been, it put me off. For instance, one friend of dh only wants to come to our house to chill and whenever be comes be turns up empty handed whilst staying over for a night or so. Another one told me to that she would be give some of her son's clothes when for my baby and arranged a date, but nothing so far after she cancelled our meeting. The rest don't even get in touch to check on us or did anything to help.

My family hasn't offered to cover any expenses or buy any stuff for me or the baby. I know I'm not entitled to get anything but still something small would have been nice. So far, me and DH have bought everything with no help. So when I think of about the baby shower now, it looks like I'm going to end up planning and spending my money on it so what's the point? Plus I'm getting really tired and uncomfortable with the pregnancy and don't want to bother people to do stuff for me.

I have seen most places that baby shower are meant to be arranged by close friend, family and they are meant to throw the party for me, not the other way round. So if I organize my own it would be maybe odd? When I think about it, I could utilise the money to use on other important stuff like for me or the baby. Am I being negative?

Are you in the UK? It’s not really a done thing here and unfortunately very much looked down upon and considered trashy/lower class.

If you want a baby shower and don’t mind absorbing the cost, go for it! This is your pregnancy, do what you like. Perhaps add to invitations “Please do not bring gifts” it takes the financial pressure off of people during an already tough time.

This would be a definite no from me. You’d essentially be asking for presents.

There's no "meant to" about baby showers in the UK. They're not a thing.

Why do you want one?

I think it depends on what you see a baby shower as and if you would regret not having one. I personally didn’t want a baby shower so just had an afternoon tea with my best friends as some quality time before baby arrived. In my mind it was a nice compromise as it was still a small something to mark the occasion, but not anything costly or stressful. If you didn’t want to spend lots or organise anything big, maybe that’s an option.
From you post though, it seems like you are wanting presents/cash? Both me and DH are close to our family and friends but we didn’t expect anyone to give us anything, especially before the baby was here. A lot of people choose to gift afterwards when the baby arrives safely.

It's customary for someone to throw the shower for you, it seems a bit sad to throw one for yourself.

Sorry i think it’s a bit weird to throw a shower for yourself. Also tbh they are incredibly boring and cringey to attend.

No. Cringy at the best of times, doubly so if you throw it yourself

I've only been to one and it was lovely. Lots of women being supportive, sharing stories and eating cake. Not sure why people are so sneary about them, I don't think they are unusual now and the one I went to was a professional woman and most guests were too. It wasn't anything expensive, people brought cakes or salads or quiches or similar things and we had tea.

Grabby nonsense op. People will do gifts when the baby is here

I mean, I don't like the idea of baby showers, but I am old, and I know they are more of a modern thing (if you are in the UK).

But I am puzzled by what you have written in your OP.
For instance, one friend of dh only wants to come to our house to chill and whenever be comes be turns up empty handed whilst staying over for a night or so.
What has he got to do with this ?
Aren't baby showers meant to be for the Mum's friends and family ? Arent' they usually women only ?
Why would you invite your dh's mate ?

Another one told me to that she would be give some of her son's clothes when for my baby and arranged a date, but nothing so far after she cancelled our meeting.

So, something came up that meant she had to cancel seeing you once. Why do you think she would be rushing round separately with a bag of clothes? The baby isn't even here yet ? I am completely as to what the issue is here.

The rest don't even get in touch to check on us or did anything to help.

The rest of whom ?
Help with what?
What 'help' do you need during your pregnancy?
What are you expecting that your friends / family aren't doing ?

My family hasn't offered to cover any expenses or buy any stuff for me or the baby.

Again, what expenses ? Why do you think other people should 'cover expenses'?
People generally turn up with a gift for the baby (and / or you) after the baby has safely arrived and they come to meet the new arrival.
I'm not sure what you are expecting in pregnancy ?

I know I'm not entitled to get anything but still something small would have been nice. So far, me and DH have bought everything with no help.

It is nice - if they are in a position to do so - if excited Grandparents to be say they will put some money towards a pram or something, but obviously not everyone is able to. But who else are you expecting to contribute to your living costs ?

So when I think of about the baby shower now, it looks like I'm going to end up planning and spending my money on it so what's the point?

Well, the cynical amongst us would say 'the point' of a baby shower is that people feel obliged to "shower" you with presents. So on a purely transactional basis that is the point. I do know that some people like the idea of having a 'get together' with family and friends before the baby arrives, well, because they like spending time with those friends and family members - so that would be the point.

Ugh, hate baby showers! It's just an americanised tradition that has become popular with the commercial intention of selling more crap.

No need to have one, just do what has been the norm forever and receive gifts when baby is born.

If you do feel the need to have one then it's actually the responsibility for someone else to organise.

Trashy and grabby, just no.

it just seems more prudent to celebrate the baby’s arrival when they have actually arrived safely. A lovely opportunity to introduce the new little person to friends and family, with or without gifts.

“They’re not a thing.”

How old are you? I’m 30 and they’re definitely a thing; I’ve been to loads of them. Pretty much everyone I know that gets pregnant has one!

OP it sounds like you aren’t particularly bothered about it so I wouldn’t bother. You don’t need the added stress!

I think they are awful , i had 3 babies and no way would i have planned one or wanted someone to plan one for me.
I like to give a gift when the baby has arrived.

This
you don’t organise your own!!!!

I had a baby shower, absolutely nothing trashy about mine imo. My mum did an afternoon tea at her house, along with my nana, grandma, 2 aunties and 2 cousins. 8 of us. Lovely memories and photos including with my grandma who passed away recently. My mum made sandwiches, scones, Victoria sponge, teapots full of tea etc and ordered some lovely homemade cupcakes.

I definitely wouldnt do one myself though. I originally said no but my mum said we will make it really laid back, so I said fine, and had a lovely day.

I’ve been to some awful ones where they ask you to play games like guess the baby photo, taste baby food blindfolded, one where they’ve melted chocolate in a nappy and you have to guess the chocolate. Make a bet on the baby’s weight. And let’s face it, most people just buy shit loads of silly outfits as gifts that the baby will never wear. I have 2 kids and i can’t stand baby showers.

No!

No. They are a terrible idea. Celebrate when your baby is born - not before.

If you throw your own baby shower, you're literally saying "Please shower me with gifts".

Really not something I would want to ask people to do.

I suppose it depends on the people involved, the one I went to was nothing like that.

I don't like the idea of baby showers either, for all the reasons mentioned. But I have always sent my friends and relations a gift once the baby is safely here. A baby shower just feels like tempting fate.
Just relax , OP...... the people who really care will be in touch when the baby is born.

I didn’t want one. It had been a rocky road to get pregnant and I felt it was tempting fate. I wanted to celebrate when the baby was here safe and sound, not before hand. Also, I didn’t want to know the gender and felt if I had a shower, everyone would buy neutral stuff. I much preferred people visited the baby and bringing a little gift rather than having a party beforehand.

Leaving aside the baby shower entirely, why do you think other people should be funding expenses for your as yet unborn baby? I mean, newborns are pretty cheap. They need food ( free if you BF), clothes (basic babygros are inexpensive) and somewhere to sleep. A pushchair or sling for transport, a car seat if you have a car. That’s pretty much it.