What daft sayings can you think of?

[Fiddlesticks1]

What daft sayings have you heard of?
My elderly neighbour: tight as a crab’s arse
My grandmother: do you think too daft to see over the top of a frying pan.

I've only heard of "Piffy" since living Up North. Does anyone know who he/she/they is/was?!

I love this one and regret that they aren't that more opportunities to use it. I always used it in the context of being left on your own looking like an idiot, ie, "she left me there standing like piffy on a rock bun". I also like a situation that is "going down hill faster than a greased pig".

There is the "would a blind man on a flying horse notice it" get out for poor attempts at decorating.

I say that a lot, usually about myself 😂

'Tripe with hair on' was what my Mum always answered if you pestered asking what was for tea. I preferred 'if its', I think that one maybe came from my inlaws years ago, if its in the cupboard, you can have it.

Granny never had any bad comments about anyone but she often had a saying that made me giggle everytime,
'This knife/scissors wouldn't cut your backside if you rode away to London and back on it'

Got a face on 'em like a bulldog sucking piss off a thistle. Not sure who used to say that but it wasn't my parents or my Granny.

My Nan about a blunt knife - un a strong West Country ( Chippenham) accent.

I could ride bare ass to London on he, duck

Cheaper than half the price

My mum used to say, 'What are we going to do with you? Put you in a bag and shake you?' usually if I was ill or being daft

Take your face for a shite.

Michael Caine was once asked if Richard Gere was gay.

Apparently he replied, "put it this way, if they were short-handed, then he wouldn't mind helping them out".

China light / Christ on a bike !

Shes no better than she should be / a bright beauty !

Blowing the gale !

Me trying unscrew something as a child ask my dad what way do I turn it. And he would say same way as a jam jar

Daft as a bloody brush !

Daft as the day is long !

Daft as an onion on a bike !

It's black over Will's mother's - cloudy over there.

You'd laugh to see a pudding crawl - not a clue!

Sublime x

My late mum used to say this. I’ve mentioned it to several of my friends and they’ve looked at me like I’m mad. in all fairness I have no idea what piffy is or was.

My MIL's contribution:
"Daft as second hand arseholes."
"Two shades lighter than a bucket of whitewash." (As an alternative to lightheaded / silly)

My gran once told me I had a face 'like a bag of knitting' after a long journey followed by a long lie in. She had a lovely turn of phrase.

He goes all round the pot to get to the handle.
Game as a bagel. (Pronounced by-gell.)
As much use as a glass eye through a key-hole.
In and out like a dog at a fair.
Not got a pot to piss in or a window to chuck it out of.

Edited to add, he couldn’t stop a pig in a passage.

If someone wore a funny hat, my gran would say It favvers a pea on a drum.

For a sales person 'she could sell sand to the Arabs' or 'she could sell snow to the Eskimos'. I've no doubt someone will tell me that i shouldn't say it anymore but I think it's the best description of a good sales person.

'I'm like the wreck of the Hespers' a friend used to say if dishevelled.

Up and down like a whore's knickers. This makes me cringe but a friend says it.

Personal favourites of mine:
He wouldn't give you the steam off his piss - to describe a tight person
He could smoke in the rain - to describe a person with a big nose
I wouldn't kick him out of bed for farting - for an attractive person, suggesting someone you'd like to sleep with.

It's mean but describing someone as a bungalow. Because they have nothing upstairs

Not RTFT but I say the gun one and im 41. Or of something is obvious I say even Stevie Wonder could see that coming.

'Could eat an apple through a tennis racket' (buck teeth)

'Wouldn't stop a pig in a ginnel' (bowed legs)

'Done by a man on a fast 'oss' (work done shoddily).

My dad would sometimes say - " if if's and and's were pots and pans there'd be no need for tinkers"

Some lovely Lancashire phrases....

Standing around like cheese at fourpence. My Gran used to say this and I've revived it, much to the confusion of my DC.

Crookle - to go over on your ankle

I'll go to the foot of our stairs

If we asked what was for tea, we got told 'a packet of crisps and a run round the table '