What daft sayings can you think of?

[Fiddlesticks1]

What daft sayings have you heard of?
My elderly neighbour: tight as a crab’s arse
My grandmother: do you think too daft to see over the top of a frying pan.

Thick as mince. I like it!

Its enough to make a mon yut 'is young 'ens

Come in if your nose is clean. If not, wipe it on the scraper.

Said by a family who lived on a small farm in rural England, where there was, and still is, a metal boot scraper near the back door. I have no idea if the saying has a history going further back.

Translation please. 😂

Was she from Manchester/the northwest? I’ve only ever heard that phrase around here!

@MegMortimer haven't heard that in years!!!

Most of the ones I know aren't very kind 🫣 though somehow with a northern accent and a soft smile they never seemed malicious!

Tha’s about as much use as a one-legged man at an arse-kicking contest

Daft apeth

It wits were shit you'd be constipated

Face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

If I asked my Mum what's for dinner she'd say "a jump at the cupboard door and a bite at the knob " it used to really annoy me 😆

My grandad used to say, if someone had an unidentified bruise that they ‘had a kick from a canary’

If brains were dynamite, they wouldn’t have enough to blow their hat off.

I’ll be there now in a minute. Makes no sense.

Ah we had wait and see pie....or shit with sugar on.

My kids often get told it's scrambled slugs. Why do we do it?! 😂

Do you think I’m buttoned up the back?

That's a very Welsh one right? Like 'where were you going when I saw you coming back?'

My dad used to say things like 'if you can guess how many xyz I have in this bag you can have them both!'

’As thick as a submarine window’ is a favourite.

As much use as a chocolate fireguard/teapot.

Thick as a Workhouse Butty 😁
It's a bit dated now, but I much prefer it to 'Mince'

My ddad had a similar one, if something was a bit shoddy, or not quite as good as it could be ‘A blind man on a galloping horse…’ never quite finished the sentence but the implication was ‘it’ll do’

Also ‘he’s got a face like a bag of smashed crabs’

My Mum used to say “she’s got legs right up to her bum”.
Great Grandad used to say Strike me up a Christmas Tree!
if we were rushing our food Dad would say Slow down, there’s three prizes! Also We’ve arrived and to prove it we’re here when we reached our destination,

”A man on a galloping horse” is what my mum would say if I complained about my hair/ shoes/ jeans not looking ‘right’ - she explained ii to me as a man in a galloping horse would not be able to see the thing that was bothering me

"Many a mickle makes a muckle".
No, i don't know either. 🤔

I have heard ‘ face like a half-chewed dainty ‘ ( dainty being a toffee chew)
or face like a pile of worms.

If someone started coughing my grandad would say 'cough it up, it could be a gold watch' or (worse) 'cough it up, if it's more than a bucketful it will do for the pigs'.

'She went all round the houses'
someone taking ages to tell a story

'Not a full shilling'
an odd person

'in and out like a fiddler's elbow'
Someone busy who's running round

'I'm gonna meet myself coming back'
Someone rushing to get things done

'He could peel an orange in his pocket'
Someone tightfisted with money

I use all these!

Many a mickle makes a muckle. Anyone?