Why are some girls forgettable?

[nikebros]

Why do some girls or women walk into a room and instantly matter while others may as well be furniture?

Not unpopular exactly but the one people talk over, ignore a bit in groups, don't really notice at school/university/hobbies/meals out, while others get attention effortlessly.

It's not looks orc clothes, I think. Some say confidence but quiet confidence doesn't get attention socially.

So what's the magic?

And, does it even matter to be a bit invisible or forgettable?

Charisma.

I think it's learnt behaviour. Some people have been loved and made to feel special right from birth. Made to feel they are centre of the world and it revolves around them.So they have an expectation people are going to focus on them and their whole body language reflects this. People respond accordingly.

Others of us are brought up to feel we don't matter. Our expectations of not being important to other people and not mattering is reflected in our body language and people treat us in accordance with out expectations.

Same as why some men are ‘forgettable’.

What is that charisma thing though? And I hear what you're saying @Somethingbland but some are doted on yet remain invisible socially.

Is it all to do with how much noise people generate?

I have no idea and it’s obviously not women, it’s met and women but it reminds me of Sue Heck in the Middle (Netflix) 😀

Not sure this is true and I am not asking about men. I do think there are gender expectations for men and women boys and girls that mean there are different reasons and different characteristics that get people noticed.

Not ‘noise’, no. Assuming we’re talking about you, do you expect to be noticed? When you walk into a room, what are you thinking?

It surely depends on the audience, what is happening and who else is there at the time nobody is always consistently forgotten about everywhere they go.
People who get attention are either attractive, striking for good or bad reasons, behave or sound in a different or unusual way. If you dress and sound like everyone else nothing unusual or controversial you're deemed safe and irrelevant nothing to watch out for. It's not a bad thing would make a great MI5 spy.

Oh God yes, I was the Sue Heck of the school 🤦🏻‍♀️

I have a friend who tells fantastic stories, really fun to listen to. She often keeps the conversation going and fun going in a bigger group setting.

I have another friend who is very quiet, and known for being kind. When she does speak it is always worth hearing but more often she seems happy listening in a big group.

Both are clever and sensitive in a 1 2 1 conversation and I could go to either for support or advice. Both are valued and neither are invisible. I hope quieter friend doesn't feel invisible.

I also know people who dominate the conversation and are loud but are boring and talking themselves up. They arent invisible, but also not interesting and remembered for wrong reasons.

Not everyone wants to be the centre of attention. Why does it matter to you, @nikebros ?

Haha yes! Poor Sue, that was a great program.

I dont know why you’ve only focused on women though OP. Men can be equally as forgettable.

I hope I’m one of the forgettable people to be honest. I hate standing out and being noticed. I’m quite happy living my life with no attention. I’m happy with my family, I don’t need to be remembered by anyone else.

Unfortunately, I can't specifically say why, but I do believe that there are women who stand out to women, and men who stand out to men. Some women who stand out to men, and some men who stand out to women.

There are also those individuals who stand out to both. Of the ones I have met, there's a good chance I can remember all their names. One was a director of nursing, and I was one of the most impressive individuals I've ever met.

Though nature/nurture, I believe not all of us are equal. All you can do is focus on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Not everyone can or wants to light up a room every time they walk into it.

It's the x factor isn't it, some people just make more of an impression than others. Looks are part of it but confidence, extroversion, leadership, wit are elements too. I disagree with you about it being different for men, I don't think it is, I think it's similar characteristics that make the difference.

I'm a forgettable person but I don't think it's inherently a problem to be forgettable, it's not a measure of worth. It's only a problem if someone wants to be memorable but isn't!

This is me.
I was at an all day hen party a couple of years ago and got chatting to this woman for quite a long time, then at the wedding she had no idea who I was when I said hello.
This seems to happen a lot to me! I'll chat away to women I've not met before, like a friend of friend, and next time I see her, she'll have that 'don't know who you are look'.
Tbh I'm 60 now and I couldn't give a shit.
Maybe I'm just forgettable 😆

I'm not sure that's as common as suggested. Most of the time, when women attract attention, they have their goods on display and not just their smile.

I even look at the goods if they're on display so 🤓

Bizarre question.

Many people, men and women, have zero interest in being the centre of attention.

I have noticed that the older I get, the more attention I get. I’ve put it down to confidence, humour, being bubbly whereas when younger I kept to myself more.
I’ve never understood this invisibility thing some women talk about.. it’s the opposite for me. Now I’m a proper adult everyone wants to talk to me, and from experience it’s the same for most other older people. It’s the younger ones who go around not talking to anyone generally.

I think it's the social glue people who make a mark. If you are the kind person who knits together a crowd, the types who introduce one person to another person or weaves together disparate conversations and cobbles together a cohesive narrative with a group.

Personally, I don't have the energy for all that but they have their place and I think they earn it.

People always look at me and remember me, which I’ve never really understood because I was brought up not to make a fuss or to think I’m anything special. I don’t consider myself to be particularly charismatic but I am generally funny and kind. I heard I would become invisible at 40 but it didn’t happen. Being stared at isn’t necessarily a pleasant experience, I noticed lots of eyes on me last night when I was buying some ice creams at the theatre. Men and women remember me, I get compliments on my clothes and looks from women if that means anything to anyone. Men don’t generally make comments about my appearance. I don’t especially appreciate men staring at me and I do my best to ignore it.

“Forgettable” people just don’t do or say anything remarkable. They don’t look especially beautiful or ugly, they’re not unusually loud or quiet, they not wearing unusually stylish or unique clothes, they don’t say anything inspiring or offensive. They just blend in. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Most people can do it on demand, blend in when they want to, and stand out when they want to.

It doesn't really bother me, but I'm basically invisible a lot of the time and instantly forgettable apparently. I've had work associates who I haven't seen for several months re-introduce themselves to me because they think we haven't met,despite the fact we previously worked together on projects. Sometimes I think I should have been a spy...

I had a secure and loving childhood so I don't think it's that.

It might also be their immune system - people are attracted to other people who have a major histocompatibility complex similar to (but not too much like) their own, this is expressed in sweat so that you can subconsciously read it when interacting with the person. So they might just have a really 'average' MHC that a lot of people relate to.

why are you singling out women, though? The vast majority of men I know are pretty forgettable

That's interesting. I was thinking about people with a really strong 'presence'. They do exist. It comes from a combination of factors, I'm sure, but I have wondered if that combination includes something we don't yet have much research on. The obvious candidate for the mystery factor would be pheromones. Maybe we humans have, say, leadership pheromones as some other animals do. And very average histocompatibility!