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Original poster

WWYD? Holiday BF can't afford

38 replies

Roundhands · 19/05/2026 15:54

DP/BF of 2 years. Committed relationship, plans made well ahead, would rely on each other in a crisis, but no plans or desire to live together or share finances. I don't know what that's called when you're grown up 🤣

There's a holiday I'd like to go on. It's around an interest of mine, which DP takes an interest in and is happy to join me with, but it's my thing not his.

When I was single, I'd have gone (did go) alone. I have friends I travelled with but this is a big trip, more expensive than the minibreaks we have.

DP would enjoy this holiday, I think, but it's much more expensive than he would ever spend on a trip, even one that was important to him.

So my choices are to go alone or to pay for him, or at least contribute for him, or not go at all. TBH I don't know if he'd accept me paying.

I think if I said I was going alone, he'd be fine, but equally I'm not sure how thrilled I'd be if he announced he was going off on a special trip without me.

I can afford it easily, but am sometimes concious that everything I spend reduces funds that will ultimately go to DC (either inheritance or gifts).

OP posts:

Butterme · 19/05/2026 16:57

I would just go by myself.

If you would be happier having his company then I’d ask him to pay half and accept the loss if we broke up.

Ophy83 · 19/05/2026 17:00

I would say to him: "I'm thinking of going to [lovely holiday]. Would you like to join me? No worries if it's too expensive, I can go alone but if you fancy it it would be lovely to go with you".

I'm sure your kids would prefer you to live your life with the money you have earned than to think you missed out so they could have more to inherit. We're always telling MIL to go on holiday or treat herself while she is still active enough to do so!

GoodkneeBadKnee · 19/05/2026 17:03

Do you want him to go with you? If yes, and you can afford to, then pay for his ticket. Or offer to. The inheritance thing makes no sense.

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theresnolimits · 19/05/2026 17:04

I’d offer to pay for the accommodation for a birthday present for him and he picks up his own flights. If he says no, then he’s not that keen on the trip.

I don’t get this transactional thing. People have different resources. If having him there would bring you joy, then you’re treating yourself as well as him. It would be different if you couldn’t afford it.

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 19/05/2026 17:06

theresnolimits · 19/05/2026 17:04

I’d offer to pay for the accommodation for a birthday present for him and he picks up his own flights. If he says no, then he’s not that keen on the trip.

I agree with this.

thisoldcity · 19/05/2026 17:07

If it's a particular interest of yours, go and do it. Life's too short.

Mauro711 · 19/05/2026 17:08

theresnolimits · 19/05/2026 17:04

I’d offer to pay for the accommodation for a birthday present for him and he picks up his own flights. If he says no, then he’s not that keen on the trip.

Then you are kind of giving him an expense for his birthday though and he might feel pressured to pay and go.

Silverbirchleaf · 19/05/2026 17:11

Don’t let him not bring to afford you stop you from doing things you enjoy.

Can he save long term for the trip? Even if it means him paying it off after the trip.

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 19/05/2026 17:13

If I were you (and I wanted him to be there) I’d pay for him.

FWIW I think it’s a bit miserable to be thinking about every pound you spend on him is a pound your kids don’t get. I want my mum to enjoy her life, I’m sure your kids feel the same. If having him by your side would enhance your holiday, take him. Don’t overthink it.

WallaceinAnderland · 19/05/2026 17:24

It seems like you don't really want to pay for him/subsidise him so why not just tell him you want to go and ask if he wants to go too? If he says he can't afford it then say you'll go on your own and do a separate holiday with him.

workshy46 · 19/05/2026 17:37

How much would it cost you to bring him ?

Stoicandhappy · 19/05/2026 17:43

I would just go by myself.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/05/2026 18:23

@Roundhands

As far as inheritance, how much would paying for him really 'take away' from your children? Are we talking about a huge chunk or a small bit? If I only had say 50k that I expected to leave them, then I might hesitate to spend an extra 5k paying for someone else if I knew I'd never be able to 'repay' that amount to my assets. But if I had 500k and it was 5k I might feel differently. But to tell you the truth, if I'd been with someone only two years and wasn't living with them, I'd either go on my own or find a friend who could afford it. At this point I wouldn't want to be 'setting expectations' that I would pay more than my half for future holidays.

I suppose I'd calculate up what it would cost him and propose it as if he should pay his 'fair share'. If he turns it down and you don't mind subbing him, ask what he thought a reasonable contribution would be and see if that works for you.

I think if I said I was going alone, he'd be fine, but equally I'm not sure how thrilled I'd be if he announced he was going off on a special trip without me.

If you didn't want to pay for yourself, then you'd have no right to not be 'thrilled'. But I have a feeling that you'd actually wave him off happily with "Have fun, send pictures". I'm sure you wouldn't expect him NOT to go just because you either didn't want to or couldn't pay for it, nor would you expect him to sub you.

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