Dd just recently diagnosed with autism

[Chaoshastakenover]

Dad has just been diagnosed with autism. This is a whole new world for me. She is only 2. It’s a lot to take in. I have 3 older dc. I’m just looking for tips and advice for keeping the house running efficiently and calmly (if that makes sense) ideas for routines that sort of thing tia

How was she behaving that led you to seek a diagnosis?

This is a great question. What is difficult at the moment?

Diagnosis can be tough and take a long tome to get your head around so be kind and gentle to yourself.

She’s no different to the day before she had autism. Just work with it you will find your way.

Eh?

I meant OP should be kind to herself but for some reason didn’t finish the sentence.

I took her for her 2yr assessment I mentioned her speech as she can say lots of words but doesn’t put them together. The health visitor then started asking other questions and it was the health visitor that suggested the referral and assessment I was knocked for 6. Things that I thought were just my dd she has never liked anything on her feet she will walk barefoot everywhere she can. She has meltdowns and doesn’t like crowded places she will beg for home. She doesn’t see danger in anything and doesn’t feel pain. If I tell her to mind the radiator if it’s hot she will hold her hand against it. She also hits herself in a rage.

Yes she’s still my dd but I guess my head is spinning for her and her future. I just want to wrap her up.

Concerns were raised at the two year assessment and she has an autism diagnosis now, before her third birthday? That is lightening fast, op.

Like the pp said, you have probably already made a lot of adaptations that help her already without even thinking about it. Do you have any nearby advocacy groups you can get it touch with?

Has she had an actual assessment yet, or is this just the first time its been mentioned and the referral process has just been started?

As others have said, shes no different to the child you had the day before the conversation, but early diagnosis, intervention and support can make a huge difference when it comes to long term outcomes.

I’m guessing you mean it has been suggested rather than getting the official diagnosis, as the timescale you’ve mentioned would be unusual.

Has she actually got a diagnosis?

Yes sorry that’s what I mean. I just think that the assessment and referral wouldn’t be done if the health visitor didn’t think it’s necessary and with her suggesting it and mentioning autism when it hadn’t even occurred to me makes it seem more likely to be the diagnosis. (Sorry it’s been a rough time recently) and I’ve called down a google rabbit hole

Oh, sorry. I was about to hound you over if you used right to choose and which provider that you used. You likely have a lot of time before you need to tackle the assessment.

It sounds like you have had a massive day. You don't have to absorb all this and figure out everything in one go - and it might be best not to try.

Lots of organisations around autism don't require a diagnosis and will support parents of children on the pathway and they can be useful.

Thankyou I’m sooo ready for life to cut me some slack right now but it’s just not happening.. my head is doing 100mph thinking about potty training will she be able to when she starts school will she manage..

She's still only little and even neurotypical toddlers are maximum mobility and limited self preservation. And I'm not doubting the observation, just that it will be a longer road to get a better understanding of what challenges might lie ahead and toileting may or may not be one of them.

I know that's fucking useless information, op. There's a lot of hoping and guessing.

Always remember, children still have their underlying personality - everything they do is not necessarily a symptom of their SEN/disability.

Sounds like you are already adapting quite well already if you didn’t notice it as being a huge problem.

I was like this. Although son was my first, I just rolled with who he was and adapted where I could and dealt with the meltdowns when I couldn’t (always external pressures).

That’s the best sort of parenting she can have.
Try not to think too far ahead - sounds like she has sensory sensitivity/hyposensitivity.

My son was like this - certainly makes life interesting!
Worth looking up some occupational therapy tips as these can be helpful - there may well be a more specialised name for that now.
My knowledge is 30 years old!
Re the toileting, from my memory, there wasn’t any rhyme or reason about how succesful this was with auti kids. Some seemed to pick it up at the expected rate and some didn’t. Again there may be more info due to research now. The NAS web site is very helpful.
She isn’t your first so you’ve probably got more in your knowledge base than you’re aware of.
I don’t know you but honestly, I think she will do very with you guiding her along the path.

Your main issue is going to be managing sensory stuff whilst managing the other kids, but it’s doable.

Best tip I can give is to find other parents in real life. There are so many more ways to find your people now.

I have 2 autistic DC (DS9 & DD6). This is what I wish I'd know earlier:

It will be fine, really it will.

It will be hard at times, and your parenting journey will look different to what you imagined, but it won't be nearly as bad as the 1000 what if's you currently have running through your head.

Get support now - I put it off too long, as I felt like an imposter accessing services when my DC's difficulties arn't as server as other. But it really helps going to groups so DD grows up with friends who are like her. It also helps me as DC got older, as the other parent their arn't going judge you dealing with a meltdown, as they've been there too.

Put her into a school nursery as soon as you can, and start the EHCP process. Technically you can ask any nursery to start it, but in my experience, having access to the school senco was helpful as they have more of ab eye of what support she might need through school.

Give yourself permission to do things that work for you. - If she doesn't like playgroup or softplay, it's not mandatory. I spent way to long dragging my autistic toddler to thing they 'should' like. If she wants to were crocs every day, no one will die if you let her. If non of her safe foods are normal breakfast food, fish fingers a 8am is better then going out hungry.

Work out her sensory profile and get all the things. My 9yo bounces on a gym ball while he's watching TV, as the movement keeps him regulated, and having a safe outlet stops him climbing on and jumping off my furniture. My 6yo is all about sound and texture, hours of play with water, dogh or sand, and a ridiculous range of instruments keeps her centred.

We have a group here, op

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5493437-sen-parents-support-group-thread-1

Xx

Thankyou for all the replies you have all been so kind!! I guess thinking about it I have been managing her ways already. And I don’t mind poking someone in the eye for staring if she is having a meltdown. She has a thing for licking random objects and grating her teeth on the soap bar. Her favourite animals are dogs she literally shouts so loud if she sees one and if she can stroke one even better

So no diagnosis but potential concerns about her language? Needs a hearing test and referal to salt (speach and language therapy).

You're so far away from this yet. Slow things down, focus on the now.

My child was diagnosed at 2 - he was 2 years and 4 months when we received the diagnosis (NHS). By the time he was 4 he was still non verbal, still in nappies and the amount of sleep I lost, especially over school, I cannot even tell you.

Turns out he did it all in his own time, and those developments were not linear or necessarily even gradual. He was toilet trained before he started school (he just did it, one day he was in nappies, the next he wasnt and that was that), he was saying a few words by then too, but was independent enough to know what he wanted and how to access it even if he didn't have the words. Learning to read helped his speech a lot and by 5 he was talking in short sentences. Hes now in year 3, making up for all those non verbal years and has an extensive vocabulary, is excelling academically, flourishing socially, attends mainstream extracurricular activities (sports, cubs, music lessons) happily and is just the most wonderful little person. Most importantly, over everything else, hes happy.

Life isnt without its challenges, what parenting journey is? But I wish I could go back and reassure the me of 6 years ago that everything would be ok

My dd was diagnosed at 2, she had no speech at all (she got speech at 4). I got some good advice but the most pertinent is do t see it as
limiting, they are just wired differently. Routine is an ongoing debate but I was advised not to establish a rigid one because we would then be restricted. We didn’t accept she couldn’t do things and pushed her to normality, she’s an adult, married and independent

I definitely don’t think it’s a hearing problem her speech.. she’s saying lots of words knows some animal sounds responds to her name she enjoys listening to me reading to her and me singing but she doesn’t try to join in I’ve always just said it’s dds world and I’m just here.. it was just so unexpected I think that’s the biggest shock and then I feel awful because I hadn’t even considered autism

Honestly OP don't feel bad because you hadn't considered autism in a two year old. My 16 year old has only one part of his autism assessment left and all signs are pointing to autism. Right up until his recent mental health breakdown we hadn't a clue it could be autism! If she is in the system and it's being considered at 2 you are in a good place for being able to give her the support she needs right from the start.