Should I leave my part-time job after collapsing at work?

[Cbapple]

So - Context. I am a mother with 3 children (5/11/16), my husband died suddenly in 2022. He used to run his own restaurant and for the 14 years we were married I never really had to work - so traditional stay at home mother type dynamic. After his death I had to basically start over with absolutely nothing. Moved into a smaller flat and living on state benefits for the most part. I really wanted to work as I felt it would be extra money and good for my self esteem. I found a part time job in a higher end supermarket and have been there for almost 2 years now. By the end of the month I don’t make a huge financial benefit from this once I take off travel, childcare costs and reductions in benefits - I’m maybe £200-300 better off. initially in the job I was fine but I’ve started to really dread going in as 1: I feel there’s no opportunity of progression either within the role itself or for my career prospects as a whole 2: The almost 1 hour commute there and back is really impacting my energy especially for my children and home 3: I feel mentally drained as I don’t feel the job reflects who I am and what I’m capable of. so I’ve been feeling like this for a few months but have gritted my teeth and kept going and also been applying for other jobs. I’m also currently competing a tefl qualification with the hope it can open an opportunity to make money from home. I’m also doing freelance property viewings when Im free - which brings in a little money and I actually really enjoy. So as I said I’ve been feeling quite drained recently and really questioning wether keeping this job is worth it and then last week I had a pretty major incident at work - I cut the tip of my finger which resulted in quite a lot of blood I then basically collapsed about 15 minutes later and according to my manger sort of seizured, an ambulance was called, I was taken to hospital and as I do have quite a few past occurrences of fainting doctor said it’s not necessarily something to worry about but could be related to chronic stress, anxiety and being in survival mode. I’ve been thinking about the last few years and my adult life in general and do feel that I have been keeping on going despite some fairly major traumatic events and although I’m not burnt out I also don’t want to keep going down a road which will lead to it.
So I’m due to go back to work on Tuesday and part of me just feels like this collapse was a sign that this job is really not for me especially mixed with my feelings over the last few months. I know it’s atupid to give up a job without a back up but I keep questioning what am I even doing there. Am I thinking logically or should I just push through and wait until something better comes along? On one hand I feel the extra time from not working will be used to progress into something much more suited and back into my children on the other hand I know the structure of the job keeps me somewhat disciplined and in employment. I just need some outward advice as to my situation.

I wouldn't go back. It's no longer the job for you and you have other things in the pipeline.

Would you consider using some sick leave to give time to recover?
There’s clearly an awful lot on your shoulders and I would wonder if you’re feeling well enough to work or make that decision at the moment.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. 💐

Do you drive to work? If so after your seizure you can’t drive for at least 6 months so potentially a good reason to take sick leave and reassess your options?

I think this is a good idea in the short term

Hi. No I don’t drive at all - I get the train to and from work. I feel like I’d be taking advantage by taking sick time - as I essentially do not want this job anymore but am just going because I feel like leaving might put me in a worse position financially although not by much. I also was fairly aware that I didn’t have much work experience through all the years my husband was alive so wanted the experience and reference.

Leaving a job voluntarily may make you ineligible for some of the benefits you received previously, so check that out before making a decision either way.

Surely 200-300 makes a fair difference each month and it's always easier to get a job when you have a job, Your reasons about not feeling it's 'you' any more could be said for many people's work, which is why it's work and not pleasure. It's good that you want a job where you'll feel more yourself but until you've got that, it doesn't feel wise to leave voluntarily esp if that will jeopardise your benefits. There are people who are very highly qualified who are delivering parcels for Amazon and doing all kinds of unskilled jobs right now because of how the market is and costs keep on rising. Leaving a secure role when you have 3 DC and all that happened was that you collapsed, probably to do with the blood/cut finger, doesn't seem like the cue to leave a job. It also feels mad to not take sick leave because of some internal moral judgement on yourself. Take a bit of leave, recharge, apply for some roles closer to home then go back to work until you have a better option. Sorry for your loss and your stresses though. It does sound hard but I don't see how losing hundreds a month will make it easier really.

My goodness, I’m so sorry for your loss. Have you even had a moment to try and deal with the grief? You and the children have ahead a lot to deal with!

I feel like you’ve struggled through and have done an amazing job caring for your children. Can you call in some family support for a bit while you take a moment to breathe and decide what’s next?

If you give up your job without getting a new one you won’t be able to claim UC for 3 months! Go off on the sick for a week to get yourself together and stop the studying on the side as personally I think that’s the too much thing! Bringing in money when you have kids is the priority and also your health so take some time out.

What happened to your husbands restaurant? That would have been a better job than a supermarket one to take over surely?

Sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, a lot of people feel this way about their jobs but it's necessary to earn their living.
I don't think most people are working their dream job in perfect conditions.

The fainting seems like a response to the blood loss. When did you last faint?

I also wouldn't quit your job and it would likely have implications for eligibility for certain benefits.

£200-£300 seems like a really good benefit in the current times.

I think some time off would help in other ways too as it seems a lot of the issue is perspective rather than the logistics. Seeing this job as having to define you and dreading it for the reasons you describe is a mindset thing and probably compounded by the same internal pressure that tells you not to take sick leave. You're being too hard on yourself and this may be your body telling you to take some time rather than give up your job and cause potentially more stress. At least stay till you've been there 2 years and have full rights there. If it's one of the fancier supermarkets, then they should treat you right and it's not a gig to be given up lightly. There may yet be progression possibilities too, but don't worry about that for now. Get signed off for a week or two, give yourself a break and then everything might seem a bit better and you can take it from there.

Fainting is a very common response to blood. It triggers a vasovagal attack... needles, dentists etc also do this to some people. It really isn't unusual or anything to be concerned about.

The "seizure" is again a response the body has when the blood supply to the brain is interrupted. It is not the same as epilepsy so even if you could drive it wouldn't affect it.

Sorry for the loss of your husband, that must be really tough.
There are lots of us that don't like our jobs, but that's what work often means. If you quit you won't be elegible for UC (assuming you are in the UK). I think it would be a big mistake. TEFL is over saturated with tutors and not enough students. Unless you are doing the highest qualification and can command a decent wage it's minimum wage.

Jeez. Newly bereaved, three kids and suddenly she has to run a restaurant? 👀

@Cbapple

I feel like I’d be taking advantage by taking sick time - as I essentially do not want this job anymore

If you were going long term sick I would agree, but i do think it would be better to take a week off sick and gather your thoughts/check the implications re benefits etc rather than making a rash decision on a Sunday evening.

Quite a lot of my work (supply teacher) is covering for people who are off sick with repercussions of stress, then come back too quickly, and have to go off again.
You need some breathing space. All workplaces seem to be so pressured now, on top of everything else you’re dealing with.
Take some sick leave.

After my husbands death I tried running the restaurant myself for about 6 months - my husband was the main chef and a professional baker and the person who sourced all stock/supplies. I eventually realised I could not manage running the restaurant having 3 children with no childcare support as it took up 7 days per week, being unable to drive and pick up stock and also could not afford to pay for all the staff needed to offset the work my husband was doing - as I’m hire a new chef, a baker, a manger etc. I actually started making a loss each month. On top of that many of his staff that were employed either left or started not coming into work and many of my husbands loyal customer base stopped coming in.

Thanks so much. I’m actually the only person as my mother is now housebound also so am only really able to work within school hours which is why the supermarket role has become my most feasible option - and I am grateful for the job but I also feel the time/energy I’m using there could be redirected into something which will benefit me and my children much more.

I have fainted quite a few times before but never at work and never from a sitting position like I did last week. Usually happens in a crowded place where I feel anxious like a train. I’m about £200 better off a month but which wouldn’t be that much of a loss as I have also started doing the freelance property work since last month which can take in about £200 without the need for the long commute. The main fear is the long term financial risk - freelance is not as secure as a contracted role.

I agree but it’s kind of a catch 22 as I don’t usually have the time or energy to devote to finding better employment options whilst working.

Yes I feel like I’m quite strong mentally but that this incident might be my body telling me I’m taking on too much and health and prioritising the people I love is more important than a job which will create a bit of a financial hole but one I can currently live with by making a few sacrifices.

200-300 Better off from working means you need to work.

unfortunately you have been left in this situation and need to work to earn money to look after your children.

my mum was left in the same situation with a 4 &9 yr old and had to work 2 jobs to keep a roof over our head, she did have some help from her mum for childcare but making money was important,. She suffered from debilitating migraines through the stress of it all but some how she thankfully had very supportive managers who were understanding of the situation.

look for a more suitable job but I’ve always been told it’s better to find a job while you are still working and have no gaps in your cv.

I'm sorry for your loss.

It sounds as though you took the job as you didn't have experience/qualifications for other roles. The part time hours fit with your childcare needs. But the commute (time and costs) eat into your finances, energy and time and you don't have much job satisfaction.

Now you have that experience, you are likely to be more employable - are their other retail/supermarket/cafe opportunities within walking distance of you?

How realistic is it that the freelance property viewing could turn into something more consistent or more hours? I'd imagine that lack of driving might be an issue, but if you find that line of work to be more fulfilling then is this something to explore more?

I wouldn't quit in your shoes but would use my non-working hours to look for something else - your 11 and 16 year olds can help with meals and chores after school and weekends.

I actually do have a fair bit of experience up to management level but generally in sectors which require late nights/weekends which doesn’t fit my current situation with children. The supermarket role fits into my children’s school day as I don’t have support outside of school for childcare.
The freelance property viewings are part time and flexible - I choose my hours but it’s also highly competitive so therefore not guaranteed. I would love to work in a property role and am applying for part time jobs in this field when/where I find them.