Should I leave my part-time job after collapsing at work?

[Cbapple]

So - Context. I am a mother with 3 children (5/11/16), my husband died suddenly in 2022. He used to run his own restaurant and for the 14 years we were married I never really had to work - so traditional stay at home mother type dynamic. After his death I had to basically start over with absolutely nothing. Moved into a smaller flat and living on state benefits for the most part. I really wanted to work as I felt it would be extra money and good for my self esteem. I found a part time job in a higher end supermarket and have been there for almost 2 years now. By the end of the month I don’t make a huge financial benefit from this once I take off travel, childcare costs and reductions in benefits - I’m maybe £200-300 better off. initially in the job I was fine but I’ve started to really dread going in as 1: I feel there’s no opportunity of progression either within the role itself or for my career prospects as a whole 2: The almost 1 hour commute there and back is really impacting my energy especially for my children and home 3: I feel mentally drained as I don’t feel the job reflects who I am and what I’m capable of. so I’ve been feeling like this for a few months but have gritted my teeth and kept going and also been applying for other jobs. I’m also currently competing a tefl qualification with the hope it can open an opportunity to make money from home. I’m also doing freelance property viewings when Im free - which brings in a little money and I actually really enjoy. So as I said I’ve been feeling quite drained recently and really questioning wether keeping this job is worth it and then last week I had a pretty major incident at work - I cut the tip of my finger which resulted in quite a lot of blood I then basically collapsed about 15 minutes later and according to my manger sort of seizured, an ambulance was called, I was taken to hospital and as I do have quite a few past occurrences of fainting doctor said it’s not necessarily something to worry about but could be related to chronic stress, anxiety and being in survival mode. I’ve been thinking about the last few years and my adult life in general and do feel that I have been keeping on going despite some fairly major traumatic events and although I’m not burnt out I also don’t want to keep going down a road which will lead to it.
So I’m due to go back to work on Tuesday and part of me just feels like this collapse was a sign that this job is really not for me especially mixed with my feelings over the last few months. I know it’s atupid to give up a job without a back up but I keep questioning what am I even doing there. Am I thinking logically or should I just push through and wait until something better comes along? On one hand I feel the extra time from not working will be used to progress into something much more suited and back into my children on the other hand I know the structure of the job keeps me somewhat disciplined and in employment. I just need some outward advice as to my situation.

Do you get discount at the supermarket? I’m just wondering if you’d factored in paying more for groceries if you leave.

The fainting was likely connected to your cut finger.

Is TEFL likely to create many opportunities?

What do you do on your hour commute? Can you use that time to apply for other jobs.

it sounds like you enjoy the property viewings. Have you thought about getting a driving license (although I’m mindful someone mentioned no driving for six months after a seizure, but it might not preclude learning.) and applying for estate agency roles. There are no formal qualifications required for estate agency in the uk. With the freelance experience you have of doing it and the customer facing sales experience in your job, I wonder if it might be altogether more lucrative and enjoyable.

I’d get a sick note and consider your options while you’re off but it does sound like it’s time for a change.

I do get a discount but rarely use it as the stuff is already so expensive - I generally shop at Tesco. I fainted twice - first time I’d describe as a ‘normal faint’ second was from a sitting position and I apparently went all stiff, limbs flailed out and head went backwards which has never happened before. It must have been connected to my finger but I’m generally not squeamish but I did cut the very top of the finger off and it wouldn’t stop bleeding.
Ideal for me is to create as many work from home opportunities as is possible and get some recognised qualifications to my name the tefl leads into this. I plan on also doing a bookkeeping course once it’s finished and gaining experience from doing online English tutoring.

I did want to learn to drive but the lessons became so expensive (I’m in London) and the costs associated with a car insurance/parking ect didn’t seem worth it. My theory test pass has just run out though so I’ll have to start the process again. I actually got this job with the expectation that I’d have extra money every month to pay for lessons but it hasn’t worked out that way. Money has gone into other things like tutor for son (he’s taking GCSE’s)

Ultimately, your kids need security so uncertain freelance stuff probably isn't ideal until you are sure it can bring enough in.

You might hate your job but so do millions of others. It's there to pay the bills.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through with your husband but ultimately your kids come first and you working in a secure job is far better for them then uncertain freelance or a life on benefits (freelance can be great but it needs time to build up to secure levels usual).

I understand that having kids can be stressful but millions do it as single parents and many do full time not part time. That commute sounds like a pain but not awful. Maybe look at a shop or supermarket that's closer.

Take a couple of days off to rest and apply for things and then find your inner resilience and stick it out until you find something else. You've coped with a far worse situation with your husband so you can do a naff part time job.

I’m very aware of money since my husbands death and part time work in a supermarket will never provide me an option of a career which can sustain them without the help of benefits as I have no partner to ever rely on again.
As I’ve said it’s a case of can my time and energy be directed in a smarter and more beneficial long term direction. Rather than living month to month as I’m currently doing which is also not providing security. The freelance stuff I’m doing I’ve just started and can easily make that 200-300 a month I’ve been earning at the supermarket in a flexible way that I enjoy. So I’m questioning what’s the point in keeping the supermarket role now especially with the incident last week.

This job cannot end my life on benefits. It’s a supermarket, so I’m stuck in a cycle. My aim is to find a career which can.

Sounds like you've already decided. However, it's important to remember that it's so much easier to find a job while in a job.

You have done amazingly to keep your family going thus far under the most difficult of circumstances. I would take a week's sick leave, just to take the pressure off and think, but I wouldn't do any estate agency work during that time, as that could create problems. Focus on the TEFL and researching how much work you can realistically expect to get. Also bookkeeping. Many organisations are going digital - are there as many openings for human bookkeepers?

Your kids will soon be old enough for you to work longer hours in the estate agency which will help, but we will always need supermarket workers too - estate agency jobs tend to disappear in recessions.

You are building a good set of options, but take care of yourself first and see a go about the fainting - often related to blood pressure. Your kids need a healthy mum. x

How about:

1. Differentiate between a job and a career. Jobs are a dull, time and energy consuming fact of life. They don’t need to offer excitement or progression. They don’t demonstrate your worth to society. They’re a means to paying bills. Yes, some people have ‘careers’ for parts of their life. Far more people for far more time have jobs. It might help how you feel about it to put it into that dull essential bucket.
2. Your big ‘opportunity’ on quality of life / income front seems to be your commute. An hour travel each way is a lot for a generic job. You’ve now got that as CV fodder, consider using the travel time to look for similar nothing special jobs but with much lower travel time. Eg. Is there a Tesco nearer? Experience, grown up not clueless teen and the explanation of ‘nearer home’ may make you a decent candidate. Bonus of staff discount on shopping too and reduced travel costs will almost certainly means it adds more financial value to your household while taking out less time. If you’ve got hospitality management experience another aspect to look at is small child play place (role play cafes, soft play, trampoline parks). They’re typically normal day time hours rather than late nights but same skill set. See what’s local to you and get in touch speculatively, most run on teenagers but would love a grown up.
3. Do a bit of time planning for yourself as well as the kids. Study time. Work time. Relaxing time (a couple of hours a week). While you’re stuck with your commute make it useful to you. Whether that’s podcasts for proper chill time, mini squats so it’s your exercise time, scrolling google maps around you to look for places more convenient for a ‘job’ etc.

I think these two are unrelated. You collapsing was after your accident and you are obviously prone to something, it could have happenings in a viewing or in the supermarket wherever.
But you should leave your job for all the other reasons you mention, which are totally valid. Might be better to get another job first though considering your circumstances.

I’ve already decided this job is not going to be where I stay and that was the case before I passed out but in terms of quitting immediately that’s also not the best option. I will probably have a go appointment and possibly see about either a transfer to closer to home or reduction in hours to see if that gives me more energy for more beneficial long term options.

I thought the supermarket job brought in an extra £200-300 not just £200-300?

If you quit the supermarket then you wouldn't be able to apply for the same full benefits whilst also getting an extra £200-£300.

As for the using your time to work for a career - yes but not at the expense of your income.
It's not generally how things work. We go to school, uni etc whilst young then go into a career. I'm not saying this is the only way but you are now a single mum with 3 kids it's not feasible for you to quit your job, rely on benefits (if eligible) whilst training for a career?

Simple WFH jobs such as TEFL will be competitive if even available.

You’re using a perfectly explainable fainting episode as an excuse to give up paid work and go back on benefits.

Works sucks for loads of people. Many people have to take or stay in jobs that are not fulfilling or optimum pay because they are family friendly.

Get another job by all means but don’t go back on benefits because you are fed up. It’s not what they’re there for.

If you are claiming universal credit to top up earnings then you need to considerhow leaving a job without good reason will impact those benefits. My advice would be to take some sick leave, get to the bottom of what the problem is and see if it can b sorted. Then re-evaluate.

Blimey , I expect it’s really easy to run a restaurant with no experience 🙄

@Cbappleis there no progression possible at work ? Supervisor maybe leading to management?

I have seizures when I faint because my already naturally low blood pressure goes even lower. It’s something to do with the vagus nerve. It happens
I do the same- stiff arms, body and head goes back. It can happen during blood tests, if I badly cut myself and even when I vomit. It’s actually quite common. It can happen when I’m sitting down and even lying down.

I wouldn’t put that seizure down to anything more than just a normal body reaction.

I’m already on benefits - a part time supermarket job isn’t going to pay rent, food and bills with 3 children in London. Again my initial point was is this job just a waste of of time and should my time/energy instead be focussed on something which has some real career prospects which might actually get me off benefits.

I’m also a carer for my mother who is housebound - so even if I give up the job I am not going to be eligible for the benefit cap. The part time job was just to try to supplement an extra income in the time I had free and build experience after a major transformation in my life. But as I said in original post I am questioning what I’m even doing there when the only gain is about £200 per month at the expense of me feeling so stressed and exhausted.