If you had not married earlier, would the wedding still matter now?

[Cheesychipsandbeans]

We"ve been married for 11 years and when we got married, I was very fresh out of university and new to my career. We had been long distance for years whilst I studied away and when we got engaged we still lived with a house mate who moved out leaving us living alone together for the first time just 4 months before our wedding. We'd been together 5 years and nothing was more exciting than finally moving to the next phase of our life and being married... It really felt so significant to us at the time and it was. I loved our wedding and the time between getting married and having children is probably the happiest I've ever been (not in a I'm not happy since having children way, I wouldn't not have them for the world but there's no denying I was day to day far happier before haha and I cherish that phase of my life).

I was just pondering, if we hadn't gotten married then but everything else has been exactly the same, we'd done literally everything else as we have, we just hadn't got married, would I want to get married now. Same children, same dogs, same home, same jobs, same garden in desperate need of rotavating. Would getting married feel as important to me now as it did then?

I think if we had never gotten married then, I think I would perhaps get married but not have a wedding now. I loved my wedding and at the time I honestly do not remember being at all bothered how much it was costing, because it was the most important thing I me at that phase of life. But now? I don't that I would want to spend £12k on a wedding only to feel that the following day everything was exactly the same as two days before and I think I'd be far too aware that there are so many more things we could do if we have that kind of money over what is essentially just a party.

So I suppose I just wonder for those of you that did get married before lots of other big life events, if nothing else in your life was different, do you think you would want the wedding / marriage in the same way now as you did then?

I married 23 years ago in a big traditional church wedding with about 140 people. We had been together for 8 years before
marrying.

If I was doing it now, I would still get married, still in church, but I’d either cut the numbers dramatically or go abroad to do it somewhere warm. I would cut out all the extended family that I never see and couldn’t give a toss about and swap a traditional wedding reception for a dinner with close family and a separate party a few weeks after.

We got married in 2001, 5 years before having kids and it did feel like a huge exciting thing, even though it was relatively budget friendly compared to what I see people doing these days. My parents paid for most if it (I was 22 just out of uni)

If we were deciding to get married now we'd definitely spend less as there are so many other things that seem like a higher priority. (And my parents wouldn't pay lol) So the wedding would be less important. But the actual being married would be way more important with kids involved and also as we get older so needing to think about wills, power of attorney etc.

We would still have got married as we both wanted to be married before having children.

we’ve seen too many people have the children then get a house and just never get married and that’s not for me.

we had a small wedding(40 family including us) and then a party later on with friends and extended family. It was perfect. Cost about 4 grand all on.

We had a register office ceremony, with a barbecue in a family member's garden afterwards. We were lucky with the weather too. So many people have commented over the years that it was one of the nicest weddings they have ever been to. Unlike many people, we also invited all our guests' children.😂

We eloped and married at a courthouse in a different country. No one attended.

We had two strangers as witnesses to our marriage, as required by local law, which we pulled out from the street with promises of sending gifts or buying them a drink.

I didn't have a wedding and I absolutely don't regret that at all. I can't actually believe how smart we were when we were so young. We married early 20s.

I would marry him all over again a million times over.

I got married when I was 25, and I had a similar experience OP, it meant everything to me. Loads of my peers were getting married at similar times and I loved the planning and everything. We didn’t spend loads in the grand scheme of things but it was a lot to us at the time and we couldn’t afford a honeymoon.

i love being married and I’m glad we got married when we did; it did change things for me, it made me feel so secure. I loved every minute of our wedding day.

it’s probably easy for me to say now though because I am already married but if I were going to do it again, I wouldn’t bother with a big wedding. It would be a Registry office with a few guests and a meal afterwards then a nice honeymoon. Weddings feel like a lot of money to spend on what is basically just a party with a lot of things that can’t be reused - like the dress!

My life would look very different because if he had not married me I would not have had kids with him, or had him on the deeds to the house and because kids were my priority, I would have ended up married to someone else. If the question is would the day leave ok the same if I was marrying again now ( for whatever reason) then I would go more low key definitely, and spend less because the day itself isn't that important in the grand scheme of things, but I still stand by the legal commitment is.

No it wouldn't matter to me. It's my belief (for myself - I'm happy if others feel differently) that weddings are best at the beginning of a relationship. It's about excitement of what is going to happen, new beginnings, etc.

I'm actually divorced but I'm glad I had a wedding back then, and I wouldn't do to differently or spend less if I could go back. It was to celebrate a time in my life and that time won't come again, even if I re-partner.

Me and my partner have been together 22 years (now late 50s), have a joint mortgage and two teenagers together. Most people assume we're married. We intend to get married with a largeish wedding sometime over the next year. It's partly for inheritance tax reasons but mostly because we like the idea of a big party and fancy clothes. I've actually said that I want it to be a big fuck off wedding - but without the pointless fripperies that seem to dominate these days.