How often does your uni student child call if they live in a different city?

[candlewicker]

And are they a son or a daughter?

Calls = rarely
messages to family chat group = often
messages to me personally = when needing next term's rent money 😄

When he was first away, he was homesick and would message me late into the night. He went to a Uni far away so couldn't just visit. I was so glad for him when those messages got less and less, and he got more involved in University life, made friends, got a job etc. He is just about to graduate and I am sure is now not all that thrilled about returning home 😆

Messaging during the week, can include photos of food, mad things they have seen, shared memes. This is all on a family Discord group. We have a separate parents and uni child group for advice etc.

We facetime every week at a set time for over an hour with Ds2, so me, Dh and Ds1 all on a video call with Ds2. We did the same thing when Ds1 was at uni.

We also share things that we have done to the house so it isn't a surprise and he still feels included in it all. Sometimes that involves walking round the house with the laptop when we are on the video call.

Best thing to do is set out your expectations of contact before they go. I told Ds1 he couldn't ignore us and put his hand out for money every week. Both my boys are lovely though so they would never do this, it was more advice to their mates who didn't really get on with their parents but expected a handout.n

My eldest was two hours away. We phoned twice a week, texted in between and saw her every 6 weeks.
Youngest was an hour away, we messaged daily saw her every couple weeks for weekend and spoke once a week or so.

About once or twice a term to say when I was coming home, or I was broke. No mobiles then, it wasn't quite "press Button A" era, but I can remember phone boxes with that sort of phone. There was also this strange thing called "post", you could write a letter (short or very long), put a stamp on, put it in a box and it would be delivered to the far end of the country the next day, obviously it never caught on, or we would still be doing it.

Son - almost every day, sometimes twice a day. he loves to share the minute details of his life.

Daughter - when she feels she has to. She once went awol for weeks and we were seriously worried, we ended up calling someone to do a welfare check.

Daughter - very rarely calls but messages most days. Some days it's literally a quick check in; other days I get a rolling commentary on what she's doing.

What's your relationship like when you are together?
My DD messages all the time, but she's like that when she is with me - we are always just having random chats about things.

My DS can't see the point at messaging, so I go for days without hearing from him when he's away, but he's like that in real life too - he doesn't really do "chit chat" but will save it up for one long occasional conversation.

I speak to DS daily on FT, he is quite happy with this level of contact and I love knowing about his day to day life

WA almost daily and FT weekly

DD used to call every 7-10 days. I'm not really someone for chatting on the phone, so to be fair she phoned more than I did. However, we'd probably get (and still do now she graduated) about 14 whatsapp messages a week and probably ten photos a month.

You missed the never (boy) option!

Me too, my parents didn’t seem to mind either

Our eldest DS calls most days or at least every couple of days whereas our younger DD never calls us, rarely answers the phone or replies to any messages us. The only time we speak to her is if we ask if she is free to call then she will occasionally phone us or even rarer she actually answers the phone.

I think parents expect more communication nowadays due to tech available. I had to use an outside payphone when I was in uni halls.

I think there is a happy medium. We don’t pressure DC, and don’t expect reams of communication, and I have to ensure I’m not expecting communication to help with empty nest feeling

We schedule zoom calls every couple of weeks but mainly when there is something to discuss where texting is difficult.

I may speak to her on the ohone once in a blue moon, again, if it is too complex for a text but too short to do zoom.

Texts - every other day or so, mainly if there is something to share on the family group chat or she wants/needs something like an urgent questions about cooking/laundry but that got less over time.

When she wanted something - usually money

I used to know somebody who came home at the end of term to find her mum had moved house. The mum said you could have phoned or written. To be fair, when I went to University, not everybody had a home phone, so the choice would have been letter/postcard or a very expensive telegram.

2 boys and a girl and we texted almost daily.

My brother in law told me the other day that his son hasn’t called his Dad in 6 months.
Bil calls his son, of course, but young Dennis* has no interest in calling his father.

And my bil did acknowledge that he was exactly the same at 19, so, he’s not taking it too personally.

*Not his real name, thank the Lord!

I crap myself every time she rings as I think it’s something wrong. When she lived at home she hated phone calls. But now does ring for the chat. She did a group call with me and her Dad today and we thought there was drama but she just wanted help to discuss the logistics of moving from halls. We get multiple daily snaps. I need to get away from
the mindset that something is wrong just because she rings me!

Daily, which is way more than expected but usually when on the bus or doing washing up so efficient use of dead time! I also get all the essays to read, which is again unexpected and lovely.

Some sort of WhatsApp message daily from DD most days - FaceTimes or calls at least once a week. DS still at home but about to move overseas on a gap year (working in one location not backpacking) - he messages me daily even though we live in the same house. I hope this continues. I write a snail mail letter/postcard to DD every week she’s at uni and have done since she started 3 years ago. It’s my way of letting her know she’s loved - and who doesn’t like to get proper old fashioned post.

Almost never.
Same as when was a young adult finding my way in the world. I know I will hear if he is unhappy. As long as I don't, I know he is ok.

On WhatsApp a phone or text most days

I wouldn't judge communication by how often they call.

My dd phones less than once a month (which is actually FAR more than either her brother or sister did) BUT, we are on several whatsapp groups which she pops up on regularly.
We've all been having a conversation about voting and the election results coming in this afternoon.

So, I think you would get very different answers if you asked "message" rather than "call".