Teen Nudes Drama

[TeensAreCruelAndStupid]

Picked 14 yr old son up from school today and he got in the car and burst into tears. He informed me that a girl had friended him on Snapchat and they have been talking for a couple of weeks and she had asked for nude pictures which he sent (we are addressing this as hugely disappointed) turns out this girl was another boy in his school who had created a fake profile and has now been sharing these nude pictures around school. Thankfully someone who was sent the picture told my son who reported to a teacher who has now taken it to the safeguarding lead who will do an investigation. The school have rung and informed us of his disclosure and they will be investigating. Feel really upset about the whole thing, firstly for my son being so stupid to send nude pictures, but also furious that this other boy would go to such depths to obtain these pictures, simply to cause distress for my son by circulating them. My son and this other boy have fallen out recently and don’t speak.
I know there will be consequences for my son for making and sending these pictures to ‘this girl’ which we will rightly support as well as punishments we will put in at home, he will not be using his phone out of sight of a parent for some time. But surely the police should be called on the boy who effectively catfished my son, persistently asking for photos, to then use them to cause such distress, it just seems so cruel and intentional.
Anyone have any idea on how the school should be handling this, will they contact police, what punishments should we expect for my son and the other boy? Should we contact police or for now let the school Safeguarding Lead do what they need to do?

Further Update …. The police have called and informed they have visited the boy who has admitted to it all and they have spoken to his parents also. He also confirmed he had shared it with others. The police say they have told his parents they must accompany their son to school Monday and he must disclose everyone he has shown or sent the image to, in the hope that it can be removed from as many devices/people as possible. Not sure what else has gone on but they will now be referring the incident to CID in regards to the obtaining and distribution of child pornography. They could not really tell me why they are doing this, maybe my son was not the only victim? Maybe it’s been distributed on a bigger scale 🤢 or maybe they have just had a rethink.
This has been a nightmare, but apparently the police informed he was very remorseful and upset and admitted straight away what he had done. A really tough lesson learnt by both my son and him, and really hope the good that comes out of this, is that neither will be involved in anything like this again.

I am so pleased the police are taking it further, it’s a serious event with serious repercussions! How is your son? This must be traumatic for him. I have a 16yr old son, I can only imagine the impact something like this would have on him.

No-one gets to 'press charges' any more. That decision is with the CPS.

I think your son has been stupid but I am also pretty impressed with him. He's 14 and has gone on to behave in a really responsible manner. Most 14yo would rather eat their own hands than report this, let alone go on to repeat it all over again. He buckled to pressure. Who among us adults has not done that?

@TeensAreCruelAndStupid just to say following on from my post below- I really feel for you - it was a very horrible stressful experience- I am glad the police taking it seriously and attending - they certainly did in my sons case -as I say, the pair were expelled and got a record too from it. My son actually got good support from school and his fellow school friends really rallied round too

@monkina and what about the victim do? Do they face charges also like a pp alludes too ??

Op your poor son has suffered enough and surely unless Sen going on he has understood his mistake ?? He must be mortified ??

Def police op

@TeensAreCruelAndStupid that's good update and hopefully this perp has been frightened enough to never do this again .

Yes they were very quick to tell my son he had committed an offence for making and sending the image. And told me that a case had been open against both my son and the cat-fisher. I can 100% see why people do not report things like this, but am very pleased we did still.

That posters is just a smug arse trying to kick a mum when she is down.

Do not listen to them.

Can I just clarify. If the recipient had actually been the underage girl then he would still have happily shared a naked picture of himself? He hasn’t been coerced has he? He’s been duped. He sent them freely and was caught out that the recipient wasn’t who he thought it was. I wouldn’t be happy thinking my underage son was sending indecent images of himself to an underage girl.

I would point out that they are not “nudes”. That makes them sound like tasteful art, or something harmless.

call them what they are. Sexual images, images of child sexual abuse.

i deal with many young girls who don’t seem to make the connection that “nudes” are sharing illegal sexual images.

I understand what you are saying. But he was coerced for weeks to send these pictures. And he certainly did not send them to be shared nor give any permission to be shared. But I do understand your point. Unfortunately this is a lesson he has learnt the hard way, and as parents we will certainly be working on this, however he also is dealing with a picture of him being shared around his school for his humiliation. Also not sure if I said earlier but he was also sent pictures first (obviously obtained from the internet or somewhere) this was to further gain his trust.

Oh absolutely. It must be mortifying and humiliating for him. I just think it’s important to remember that there was potentially an underage girl being sent indecent images. You sound like a wonderful parent and he’s very lucky to have you to help him navigate this.

Sorry not sure where images of child sexual abuse comes into it?! Nobody was being abused in his image. Get your point on the wording, having never really dealt with anything like this before I am not 100% on the terms, also think ‘nudes’ got the point across, really just wanted to post for advice I know that this type of thing with teens is on a huge increase and knew others must have dealt with or had experience of similar. I hope I have not come across as down playing this, I am mortified that my sons image is out there, and wish he had dealt with this differently, but he didn’t he fell for it and now we need to manage it, as well as supporting him and making sure everyone involved learns a hard lesson and hopefully with the police and school involved the catfisher nor my son do anything like this again.

Actually it could of been anyone he sent it to, I have explained this to him it could of been a 40 year old paedophile and his images could be all over the web for all the other freaks to look at or even profit from 🤢 Trust me I am really aware that he had no idea really who he sent it to….

There’s an extremely upsetting documentary on player where scammers trick young teen boys into found this and then blackmail them. Several took their own lives. I would be bloody relieved he spoke up to an adult

Could? Why do you say could? His images are out there for all to see whether young school friend or old pervert. And I would bet good money some pervert has them! I’d also bet good money there are other victims hence the referral.

Are coerced and duped not interchangeable in this situation?

he was “encouraged” to sent naked picture of himself to someone who he thought was someone else.

I don’t the OP is saying it would have been fine if it was the girl in the image who was asking for/receiving the pictures, she’s just explaining the situation

I don’t think the intention was to share this outside the school community, it was all done I believe for humiliation but yes your right as soon as the pictures were sent then they are completely out of our control, a point the police made to us, the school can try and contain it as best they can, but there is no guarantee they have not been shared further.

OP has understood from the very first post that her DS was wrong to send the pictures.

I think it’s worth remembering that he’s 14 and he thought he was sending pictures to a 14 year old girl.

That doesn’t make it right, but your post could be seen to imply he was sending pictures to a much younger ‘girl’.

Thank you x
i have had some really helpful advice and comments and actually been nice having this thread to ‘talk it through with’ as obviously it’s not something we want to keep discussing at home, think my son has been through it enough the last couple of days. But might have to leave it here as starting to feel that my son is being made out to be some sort of sexual abuser, yes a stupid twit, but also what was done to him was calculated and cruel and had the fake account not been set up for the purpose of ‘trapping’ my son then none of this may never have happened but at least the lesson has certainly been learnt by him and us….

No, there was potentially another 14 year old girl who coerced him into sending images of himself.
Girl ≠ victim or innocence by default.
The poor boy was coerced, whatever the sex of the sick perpetrator. He is now facing the natural consequences of that and needs support not blame.

OP, your son is 14, he made a bad decision and has been coerced and conned. He is a victim, certainly not a sexual abuser or a twit. My heart goes out to him. Teenagers make inappropriate, impulsive and risk taking choices sometimes - it’s part of being a teenager. Some people on Mumsnet forget that being a teen now is completely different to being a teen 20/30/40 years ago. Life is so very different for them with social media. None of us are perfect, we’ve all made mistakes…even if people like pretend they haven’t.

OP sounds like a switched on parent and her boy trusted her. There is no need to berate her. It will make it less likely for people to ask advice on such tricky matters.

I’m not berating Op, I was referring to the other poster’s comments.