Teen Nudes Drama

[TeensAreCruelAndStupid]

Picked 14 yr old son up from school today and he got in the car and burst into tears. He informed me that a girl had friended him on Snapchat and they have been talking for a couple of weeks and she had asked for nude pictures which he sent (we are addressing this as hugely disappointed) turns out this girl was another boy in his school who had created a fake profile and has now been sharing these nude pictures around school. Thankfully someone who was sent the picture told my son who reported to a teacher who has now taken it to the safeguarding lead who will do an investigation. The school have rung and informed us of his disclosure and they will be investigating. Feel really upset about the whole thing, firstly for my son being so stupid to send nude pictures, but also furious that this other boy would go to such depths to obtain these pictures, simply to cause distress for my son by circulating them. My son and this other boy have fallen out recently and don’t speak.
I know there will be consequences for my son for making and sending these pictures to ‘this girl’ which we will rightly support as well as punishments we will put in at home, he will not be using his phone out of sight of a parent for some time. But surely the police should be called on the boy who effectively catfished my son, persistently asking for photos, to then use them to cause such distress, it just seems so cruel and intentional.
Anyone have any idea on how the school should be handling this, will they contact police, what punishments should we expect for my son and the other boy? Should we contact police or for now let the school Safeguarding Lead do what they need to do?

I wouldn't leave this to the school to sort out under any circumstances. You need to make a statement to the police as soon as possible

What are we doing wrong then ….. what do you suggest? We check his phone, no phone overnight, lots of talk about all things sex, encourage him to talk to us and teachers, he sees a counsellor weekly that specialises in all things teenage boys so he has someone to talk to outside of the family, lots of hobbies…. What am I missing 🤷‍♀️ he is a teenager who made a mistake, a bloody big one, and he and us are now having to deal with the consequences. But he was coerced horribly and intentionally.

why punish him? What will that achieve?

I was thinking more about what potential punishments the school might give him more than anything, he did send the nude photos. Punishments at home will be increased monitoring of his phone use…. Currently he can only use his phone downstairs, this is more than anything so he can’t put himself in this situation again, also as it’s only all come out today I want to be aware if anyone from school contacts him about this, as obviously he has ‘told the teacher’ and this will now have consequences for all involved.

Exactly this, I’d do everything in my power to make that boy regret his decision for the rest of his life.

Hello,

just wanted to pop this here just in case it’s helpful.

https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/report-remove/

I've not worked in Children's Services for about three years, but one resource we used to share with parents was "So U Got Naked Online" which was very helpful and age-appropriate. I'm sure its still available if you Google it.

Your poor son. What a horrible, hard lesson to learn.

I kept telling my children to never share any images that they'd not want me, their dad or their grandparents to see. I also used to keep repeating that once they've shared an image, they have lost control of it. Also that the Internet is forever, and that the Internet never forgets.

@TeensAreCruelAndStupid
What your son has experienced is classed as peer on peer child sexual abuse so the police should be involved . There is no reason he should be punished by the school as he is a victim of the abuse. He was deceived and coerced into sharing these images.

Thank you, you have all been really helpful I have read all your replies and attachments. Hopefully will know more tomorrow and I am sure will be back for more advice! He is my last child of 3 and have never experienced things like this with the other two, he is a very different character and also technology is changing at an alarming rate! Currently very proud he went to a teacher and had what must of been one of the most awkward conversations of his life (he had to actually repeat it to a safe guarding officer) but also concerned he got himself in this situation but also bloody furious at the other boy!

This, definitely. That nasty boy will doubtless think that he was so brilliantly clever and how hilarious it all was to pull a mean prank on his target.

The police and social services at his door - and confirmation that he's committed one or more sexual offences of the kind that can get people put on registers for life will quickly wipe the smile off his face and make him think twice in future.

Whether his motivations were sexual or 'just' to humiliate the victim, he's now a sex offender - at the age of 14.

Got nothing to add on what to do but just wanted to say you are doing a fantastic job as parents. Thank god he could speak to you about it and that you have his back. He hasn’t really done anything wrong. He’s at that experimental phase. But I hope the other kid gets the book thrown at him. Absolutely disgusting behaviour. Good luck

You are aware that your child has, himself, committed a crime by distributing underage images? The fact that he is the child in them is irrelevant in the eyes of the law. You need to speak to professionals and I would suggest get some legal advice.

Not to take away from how awful the other child has been in this scenario but your son and any consequences for him need to be the priority.

Absolutely aware that if he had not sent the pictures we would not be here. But also aware he was coerced over a period of weeks to send pictures. Have today reported to police on the advice of the school and will 100% support the police in any action/warnings they give my son and actually will encourage them to speak to him about sending nudes and the consequences of doing so.

Please go easy on your poor son. He is the victim here. Yes, he was foolish to send the photos but, in my eyes, he was most definitely groomed to do it. If it had been an adult man posing as a young girl, then it would clearly be a case of grooming and the police would see your son as a victim and I bet you wouldn't be telling him off then. Just because it's a minor, then, in my opinion, it is no different and your poor son has still been groomed. As for the other boy distributing the images, then surely it's him who should be worried about police involvement and having committed a crime. Please be kind to your son, he's made a mistake and must be feeling so embarrassed. It wasn't him encouraging someone to send him nudes, impersonating someone else, grooming a young person and distributing nude images, your son is the victim. Apologies if all this has been mentioned previously as NRFT.

Please know that I'm not criticising you in any way. This must be so difficult for you and you sound like a wonderful parent.

just wanted to come back and update. The police have today visited and taken all the information and some evidence from the phone. They gave my son some ‘words of advice’ as he also committed an offence with taking and sending the photo. They are also visiting the other boy today but did advise us that they also intended to give him ‘words of advise’ and then hand it all back to the school. Slightly disappointed that not been taken more serious by the police, but do understand they must deal with hundreds of these types of issues with teens.

So perhaps ‘press charges’ are the wrong words, but they absolutely said if it was taken further their own child would be treated exactly the same as they are had also committed an offence by distributing the photos.

Thanks for the update, OP, have been wondering how it would go. How ridiculous that that's all they'll do. God, there's a long list of things that the police won't do anything about, isn't there?! I'd be disappointed, too. It sounds like you and your boy are dealing with this well - hopefully it will have made him a stronger person and strengthened your relationship moving forward. I will be telling my kids about this, so at least it will help others.

We had something similar a year or so ago.

first of all: your DS knows he’s been stupid. There is no point in punishing him: the embarrassment and distress is punishment enough. He’s hardly likely to do it again.

Inform the police. They take these things very seriously. The officers we spoke to said this sort of thing is on the rise. It is an offence to share such pictures without consent (Malicious communication, I think?)

A visit from the police certainly stopped things in its tracks for us.

edited to say, just seeing your update. I’m surprised that you’ve been told your son has committed an offence, asthe photograph was of himself and was solicited. I’m sorry you don’t feel as supportive as you should call the police with us were wonderful.

This is distribution of images of a minor. Police and children’s services should be involved. Your poor son, he’s made a mistake and is paying for it. No need to punish he will need support. I would be contacting police if school have not already.

Read the thread...

Phone the Police.

My son experienced something like this at 15 - with a boy/girl couple befriending him when he moved to a new school - we involved school and police and they were expelled , parents seen by police too and my son got good counselling from school welfare . I’m sorry the police have been lacking - I woukd take it higher and complain - in my sons case, they took pics that he thought were just for fun and then they distributed them -

Your poor son. I hope you told him you’re proud of him for telling an adult about it - it’s a horrible, horrible situation for him, and yes, he shouldn’t have sent the nudes but the other boy catfishing him and then spreading the pictures around was appalling. Totally agree that your boy doesn’t need punishment beyond what he’s already gone through. Poor kid.

Hi, I'm a detective constable who works in Child safeguarding, we are normally made aware of these types of investigations by the school themselves, I would check to see if they have already reported it to the police but if not I would report it yourself