Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Grandparents not being grandparents anymore ?!

59 replies

gns68 · 04/05/2026 13:41

I feel like I don’t have the “village” everyone talks about, and it’s really starting to weigh on me.

My son’s dad is a bus driver, and he complains every single day about how demanding his job is. I don’t want to be unfair, but from my perspective, it’s frustrating—especially because on his two days off, he doesn’t really step in to help with our son. He’s currently staying with me while he’s house hunting, and I still have to ask him just to take our son out so I can get a break, or even to clean up after himself.

We’re not together, and most of the time I feel like I’m doing everything on my own. I’m the one caring for our son 24/7. Even when his dad does take him out, there’s always an attitude, like he’s sacrificing his only free time, rather than just being a parent. Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t even know how to parent—I still have to remind him about basic things like dressing him properly or bringing a jacket when it’s cold.

My mum isn’t much support either. I honestly envy women who can rely on their parents for help and get regular breaks. When I leave my son with her, she complains constantly and makes me feel uncomfortable. Yesterday, I asked her to watch him while I prepared the house for new carpets—it was just for safety. Not even an hour later, she called me saying I should come get him because “I’m not doing anything anyway.” Then she showed up at my door with him.

It feels like the only time I ever get a real break is when I leave the country and have to pay my mum or sister to watch him. That’s the only way I can get any time to myself.

I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m doing this completely alone, and it’s overwhelming. Lately, I’ve even been thinking about moving to another country with my son, just to start fresh and build a happier, more peaceful life for us.

OP posts:
TheDevilWears · 05/05/2026 19:04

This sadly is our lot as single parents. My exH was useless with our DDs when we were together - a taxi driver to activities that I arranged for them. I was so tired of the unfairness that I ended the marriage - he’s seen them approximately ten times in the last ten years. Apparently I ‘alienated’ him. He calls them maybe once a week … you can’t force anybody to be a parent. And you cannot reasonably expect your parents to provide childcare.

Prayingforananswer · 05/05/2026 19:23

@gns68 The village absolutely does still exist in the Caribbean. As you said, 'if you know, you know.
The education standards are high in Jamaica and much of the Caribbean, where many students go on to university in the UK, Canada or the US. From what you've said, you will have family support so if you can get a job there, I would go. My own children regret not knowing any of their Caribbean cousins.
If it doesn't work out, then at least you would know that you tried, but only you can make that decision.

curious79 · 05/05/2026 19:26

From what you describe you know where your village is – Jamaica. And if you have that so well sussed out, maybe you should go?! it sounds like there’s a feeling of peace though, there will obviously be warmth. Is it a more violent society? It has that reputation. What is education like? Your son is clearly young so you have a certain period where it will be very difficult and lonely.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
August1980 · 05/05/2026 21:46

GOATYOAT · 04/05/2026 14:05

I am not sure I understand…you are unhappy because no one gives you a break from your child? Unless you go out of the country and then you have to pay them?
Did you think being a mother was a part time thing?

😬 I arrived at the same conclusion although OP doesn’t say why she and child’s father are not together but living together. Did he want a child?
Is he contributing financially? If so use the money to get a nanny/childminder to help out.
it isn’t granny’s responsibility to give you a break.

i can’t imagine paying my mum to look after my dog (which she had travelled 11 hours to do in the past) her only grandchild would be no trouble at all.

sorry you are in this situation OP, poor kid.

Sidebeforeself · 05/05/2026 21:54

You say “ just because you have a child doesn’t mean families shouldn’t support “ but I think it doesn’t mean families SHOULD support. It was yours ( and presumably the Dads ) decision to have a child .. nobody else is on the hook for this. Yes it’s lovely if people can rally round but don’t think less of them if they can’t or choose not to.

Taytocrisps · 05/05/2026 23:43

GOATYOAT · 04/05/2026 14:05

I am not sure I understand…you are unhappy because no one gives you a break from your child? Unless you go out of the country and then you have to pay them?
Did you think being a mother was a part time thing?

What a mean and unsupprtive post.

JHound · 06/05/2026 10:46

gns68 · 04/05/2026 14:11

@GOATYOAT It feels like you didn’t actually read what I said.

I never once said I have an issue with being a mum, so I don’t understand why you’re responding as if I did. What I made clear is that I don’t have the “village” that people always talk about. My point was about the lack of support around me — not motherhood itself.

I specifically spoke about my child’s father, who should be sharing the responsibility of raising his child. That’s what I was addressing. So please go back and actually read what I wrote.

And this whole idea of “what did you expect motherhood to be like” is exactly the kind of mindset that pushes mothers away from wanting more children. People say “it takes a village” for a reason. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your family shouldn’t help.

How is a child supposed to build close relationships with their grandparents or extended family if there’s no involvement? It’s not like how it used to be. Families were more connected — cousins grew up together, children spent time in each other’s homes, and support was shared.

That kind of community is missing now, and that’s the real issue I was talking about.

People say “it takes a village” for a reason. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your family shouldn’t help.

But just because you have a child does not mean they should help. Having a child was a decision you and your child’s father made. Nobody else was part of that decision. You cannot oblige people to be part of that village (except of course the other parent.)

JHound · 06/05/2026 10:48

loislovesstewie · 04/05/2026 14:29

There is no such thing as ' the village'. I don't know why people think there is. Many people today live miles from family, siblings work, grandparents are either working or have retired after a lifetime of working and want to do their own thing. Sorry, but I just think it's a slogan put about to con people.
Your ex needs to do more, but I think you know that's not going to happen. He's the one I would be angry with.

It’s a slogan put out to pressure people (mainly women, especially single women) to share in the load of childrearing.

WilfredsPies · 06/05/2026 14:35

I think you’ve had a bit of a rough time on here. Your ex is very clearly a shit dad. He just isn’t good enough to be your child’s parent. And it’s not wrong to be sad that your mum won’t spend an hour with him unless you’re paying her.

Villages do exist. I grew up in one with the neighbours and my DH did with his family. His cousins children are doing the same. If you’ve got that support network, an income and you’re familiar with life there, then what do you have to lose? The only thing I’d say is are you sure that they’ll be there for you in the same way if you live there? Rather than just flocking around to care for you because you’re only visiting?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page