If you earn ALOT more than your dh, does this affect how you feel about him?

[Whatdoyouthinktothis]

Just been listening to Scott Galloway

I've never looked down on gh, I have earned more than him, but only by say 20 percent so I wouldn't say that's a huge difference
Yet I had much higher prospects, but it didn't put me off him
Dh now earns much more than anyone would have expected when he was young

According to Scott if a woman earns more than a man he's three times more likely to have erectile dysfunction
Likelihood of divorce doubles

That sounds like nonsense. The problem there is if you marry a misogynist who rates his contribution to a marriage financially. I also think America is a lot more small c conservative than the UK.
I earn more than DH have for a long time. He works hard has taken additional professional qualifications and has had promotions. I've just always been more of a high flier. I don't see what the issue is. He doesn't expect me to be a trad wife and I wouldn't have married him if this were his views.

I earn 2 to 3 times as much, depending on what contract he's doing at the time and what bonus I get.

No issues here.

There would be issues if he was lazy either in his career or at home, but he does at least 50% of everything and I wouldn't have married him if he didn't, no matter what his income. He's also not extravagant with his spending (nor am I).

Yes I think he’s talking non sense too

I've always earned more than my husband - not hugely, but considerably. He more than makes up for his low earnings though. When it comes down to it, I couldn't have earned what I did without his support - and it's our money not my money.

I earn 90k and my husband earns 50k. I also get a bonus which is around 30% of my salary.

It sounds great in theory but it can also feel like pressure. I feel like I have a lot more financial responsibility on my shoulders. Also, I saved up recently to do an expensive spa weekend and I got vibes that DH was ever-so-slightly jealous (not of the spa visit itself but of my ability to be able to do stuff like that more easily). It created distance between us, although I don’t know if he realised that.

I feel that it’s given me more empathy for the pressure men can be under as the main breadwinner. It’s something that’s rarely recognised.

It feels like double standards are being applied here. It is rarely questioned when a man earns more than his wife

I make a lot more money than my DH although it's through a passive income not employment. DH outearned me for most of our marriage and is more of a high flier and did far better than me academically and professionally. I think he was comfortable with that and never resented being the sole earner for a large part of our marriage. But I'm a bigger risk taker and think more outside the box, and we're lucky that we have that combination of skills. We've always seen ourselves as a family unit and all our money is joint, so it's not been an issue.

This really resonates.

I have the utmost respect for DP and don’t care that he’s in a career that pays less well than mine.

However, I HATE the pressure. Knowing that I have to stay in my high-stress career so we can maintain our lifestyle and I can never pivot to something more interesting/aligned to my passions and values, really hurts. But then that would be the case if I were single, so I can’t hold it against DP. I think I just wish we had more money / a windfall, but who doesn’t. 😅

I earn twice what my DH does. It doesn’t make any difference who earns more because all our money is shared.

As PP I also earn double that of DH.

I dont feel it causes any problems, not from my perspective and DH hasn’t raised any concerns.

When the DC were young DH earned more allowing me to be at home more to care for them, his work has a bit of a ceiling pay wise and he has remained where he was. Mine on the other hand has allowed me to progress from a mediocre wage to quite a respectable wage now; DH has taken on his share through the years looking after the DC.

We have always shared money right from the start so I don’t see it as my money it’s always ours, we lump all into 1 and get what we want/need from the pot.

my pension will be higher too and I fully expect to contribute more when’s we retire, we’re a team.

My DH resents my earnings now I’m higher earner. Causing shit loads of problems to our marriage

A marriage is a team. Yes, there may be certain things that only one of you can do - pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding spring immediately to mind; as well as much more frivolous things that require height, strength, bigger/smaller hands etc... but if you both manage your household as a team, assigning tasks and responsibilities to each of you in a way that leaves you both happy, surely that's all that matters?

If a man objects so strongly to his DW earning more than him, that does suggest that he sees women as inherently less capable, less worthy, less able to take on responsibility or to achieve great things - everyday misogyny and bordering on incel-dom too.

At the moment I am the only earner in the house as DH lost his job and it doesnt cause any issues (other than the fucking stress but that isnt his fault). My DH is so hard working and I am glad to be able to pay all the bills while he scrambles to find something. He more than pulls his weight in the house and our money has always been pooled.

I earn three times what DH earns, we’re very happy and our sex life is fine. Genuinely hasn’t caused any problems and if anything, the opposite - means we have been able to outsource more boring chores that otherwise we might be arguing about. Means we’ll hopefully be able to retire by our mid fifties latest. But DH is very much not the sort of man who would feel ‘threatened’ by a higher earning woman, and it’s unlikely I would have married someone like that.

I used to earn more than my DH and I wasn't comfortable with it because I felt I was contributing more financially as well as doing more of the housework and childcare. If I felt things were fair overall it wouldn't have mattered but there is a background of financial unfairness which does make a difference.

Does it just have to be earnings?
I've a fair amount in the bank due to property sales...probably about 8 times what partner has at present and this represents x 10 his annual wage.
Wage i earn 20k a year less than him.

Ive gone from pretty much zero being a mature student to my position and he's admitted it is hard to see me in the more 'powerful' position now.
We've no children so it's just us and we're both pretty sensible so no mad spending. I treat us for holidays but most things are pretty equal as we dont have a mortgage.

I earn 2.5 times more than him and it doesn't impact us in the slightest. It's OUR money and that's it.

I don't know who Scott Galloway is (I googled him and he appears to be a "professor of marketing"...) but he sounds like he's full of sexist shit. What made you choose to listen to something like that instead of, for example, something good?

By the time I left my EXDP, I earned 3 times what he did. It didn’t affect how I felt about him as he was hardworking and earned a very good salary as a higher rate taxpayer.

Unfortunately it did affect how he felt about me and the relationship, he had lots of ways to be emotionally abusive, one of those was making constant digs about my job. During Covid he used to let our DC (then 2 and 3, one with additional needs), run in on my meetings, and as one of the 5 leaders running the Covid response for a £1bn, 3,000 employee company, work and home life were both intense.

His attitude contributed significantly to the relationship breakdown as I couldn’t see myself living like that forever, so the premise of this story resonates with me.

I would be reluctant to get into a relationship with a man earning less than me now, trouble is majority of them are already married with SAHM as wives, so I’m likely to be single for the foreseeable.

In my opinion, the value of certain types of really important employment isn't reflected in the accompanying salary - e,g, care workers, delivery drivers etc. So I wouldn't be concerned about a relatively large difference in salary as long both parties were doing something worthwhile with their time.

I don’t but my DH is very vocal about how he would never be with someone who earns more than him. His best friends wife earns the same or more than his friend And he can’t get his head around it. Definitely an ego thing.

What a loser

I earn about double what DH does and have done for a while. He absolutely doesn’t resent me for it, he was giddier than I was when I first became a higher rate tax payer years ago, it seemed so unfathomable to us back then and I’m on a lot more than that now.

I don’t think it would occur to DH to be resentful, but his job has afforded us a lot of other freedom for other reasons, if it wasn’t for his job we wouldn’t be where we are now in terms of home ownership, he gets bonuses which boost holiday fund and he gets other perks which are nice. We’re very much a team, money is pooled (and was when he was the higher earner). I’d never take more money out the pot.

I don’t really experience the pressure despite I suppose I am trapped really, but I like my job and it’s not really high pressure so it’s not much of an issue.

He’s ambitious and has a career I’m proud of. He’s done really well.

So it’s all good here!

Same here. I earn 5x DH’s salary in a very stressful job, while he pursues his passion. DH certainly doesn’t resent me and is grateful, but I do sometimes wish he earned even a bit more so that I had more career freedom. That or that either of us had family wealth!

In my career most others are part of couples where both earn the same or come from wealth, so even though I’m successful and earn a lot I feel poor, dont have a lifestyle that is comparable to most of my much more junior colleagues etc, and I do find it tough after how hard I’ve worked, how much success I’ve had and how much more I’ve had to overcome (from a deprived working class background), but at the end of the day I adore DH and none of it is his fault either!

I earn around 7x my husband's salary. He isn't bothered about it but we have a clear agreement that my job is more important and always takes precedence. If he didn't accept that I would find that incredibly annoying. Obviously this places me under pressure as the breadwinner but he is extremely supportive.