How do you know if someone is jealous/envious of you ? And how do you handle it ?

[Whatdoyouthinktothis]

There’s only one fiend that makes me feel this way, she hard to and the friendship with as we’ve been friends since childhood
and I do feel bad for her in many ways, she had a rough time at school at times, bad parent
few struggles in life
but her own choices haven’t helped
and she had a massive victim mindset

I feel that she thinks she should live the life and lifestyle that I live
maybe she thinks she’s better educated and should have the better life
but she continued education and got in the housing ladder 8 years later
and my dh has excelled in his work so we are fortunate in what we can do and how we live

there
was a hard time in my life a few years back
which is relatives now and has been for 5 years
which was to do with ill health and she keeps bringing it up all the time even though I’ve told her I don’t want to talk about that anymore
but she keeps on being it up again and again
I’ve sent long messages explain I don’t want to talk about it and why
I’ve told her in person the same

but it feels abit like she’s actually trying to drag me down
back into a bad place

if this was someone I met recently I wouldn’t be friends with them

yet I feel sorry for her
for all she’s been through
I still see her as that little kid sometimes

Ive tired to distance
slow replies
I don’t message
I don’t ask her to do anything
dry replies

yet she won’t seem to let me go

anyone else experienced this before ?

My sister is horribly jealous and envious of me (waves to Rachel). Even though we both started out with exactly the same in life, I made sensible life decisions and she made absolutely appalling ones

now we are nearing retirement and the consequences of those decisions are hugely apparent she is absolutely oozing with resentment dripping out of every pore in her body and thinks she's hiding it 😀

You can just tell when someone is jealous and envious.

Yes I feel she does think this to an extent, like she's smarter, did better at school etc

Don't know if victim mindset and entitlement are intertwined
But strong traits of these

You can, yes, there is no hiding it. It’s such a horrible emotion. Utter poison, for the person struggling with it, and the person on the receiving end of it. And irs one thing to suffer from it, but when you use it to make horrible comments and then think no one knows it’s jealousy is just the height of stupidity. Everyone knows, inc the onlookers watching.

Reminds me of that 80s song, Alexander O'Neil, I think, you're a fake baby, know how I know? Cause I can feel it.

It seems like it's just something you can actually feel

I have two people at work who are very jealous of me - recognised by many other people. one because they feel inferior next to me (we have different skillsets, they are very capable but in a totally different way to me, we could make a good team but they are hell bent on pitting themselves against me and getting cross when o don’t engage), the other is jealous because of someone they perceive likes me more than them.

Their jealousy and insecurity comes out as undermining behaviour, rudeness, causing conflict, spreading rumours.

My handling technique is to be very polite but not engage, but call them out on things if necessary. I’d hate to live my life like they do.

I think your tatics are wise, truth usually outs in the end
Rumour spreading a work can be a real menace though

What I'm thinking reading how you will deal with this is, some of you are stuck with these people because they are family or at work
Yet I only feel stuck by not wanting to hurt her and some weird misguided loyalty I feel towards her

I know I need to buck up

I experienced it about a year ago, I have a colleague who lives in the same estate as me. I have a detached 4 bed, home owner. She is 2 bed mid terrace and renting. I'm local, she is an immigrant. She walks past my house every day and one day I mentioned cracks were developing on our exterior and I wasn't sure who to call to look into it. She made a really bitchy comment about lady of the manor in the crumbling mansion. I was gobsmacked and a bit upset. I too lived in a tiny mid terrace with 3 kids until I was lucky enough for Dhs business to really take off and make a lot of money. But then I remembered how angry I got visiting ILs with a closed up dining and sitting room because the house was too big for them. She doesn't have any hope of ever owning or upgrading, it must have sickened her a bit to see me doing so well. Thankfully it was a one off but I'm always careful now about mentioning holidays or purchases. It created a barrier in our friendship.

Yes that person showed you just enough to see what they are thinking

You heard the expression, diamond shoes are too tight? Kinda like your not allowed to comment on any problems tou may have as your what others see as well off
Therefore not allowed to complain

Op your a grown woman who can walk away if you want to you say she won’t let you go this is because your her doormat. Just call her out or tell her straight your friendship isn’t what is was she doesn’t seem to listen to you if you can’t tell her about good things then she’s not a proper friend. Don’t let her drain you that’s not what you are for yes we might all moan at friends but surely it can’t go on forever.