Boss having affair-what to do?

[Sostressedatwork]

I'm fairly certain my boss is having an affair with another employee. This is a person that I had a great deal of respect for and it's really upsetting me. How do I minimise the impact it's having on me? Ultimately, it's none of my business, but it's really affecting me.

Why is it affecting you?

Why is it affecting you exactly?

Unless it’s against company policy, or you think it could be giving the employee an unfair advantage, I would stay out of it. These things usually end badly so don’t get involved.

Yes agree, why is it affecting you?

Well you either know for a fact or you don't?

Keep your nose out. There’s no need for you to try to create a starring role for yourself in this little drama - you’re barely an extra.

Um why is it affecting you? What’s it got to do with you? Are you jealous? You don’t even know for sure..

are you guessing as you’re jealous of their relationship?

I can understand. When I was a junior hairdresser,the boss lived above the salon. He was married and every lunchtime one of the stylists would go up "for lunch". She'd come back down an hour or so later, all flushed with a rash on her neck. Always felt so uncomfortable when his wife came back with their 3 young children. Just try and put it to the back of your mind I guess. That's what I had to do.

Myob

My previous boss was shagging anyone in the team that had a pulse and said yes.

Couldn’t give a shit, was his life not mine, nothing to do with me.

I didn't post in AIBU, as I know I'm being unreasonable in feeling like this. I fully intend minding my own business - I avoid the rest of the staff when they're gossiping and laughing about it. I just thought I may get some advice about how to deal with the situation - clearly not 🙄

I can understand how you feel. When someone you respect does something that means you lose respect for them it's upsetting and stops you viewing them in a professional light so bizarrely it seems worse than a friend's husband doing it (when you can get drunk together and slag him off). You've still got to work with your boss. I thankfully worked in a sector where it doesn't happen often but when it does come out that a senior man is having an affair you can always see the shock and disappointment on people's faces. I've seen it happen twice and both times the senìor man snogged the new woman at a work night out in front of everyone like they were teenagers. Arseholes.

Anyway, sadly there is nothing you can do or say, particularly if it's not public knowledge yet. I'd start looking for another job but never say why, wouldn't want to work for someone like that.

Why does it affect you though? Maybe if you explained, we could understand a little better and advise.

Why does it upset you? You don’t even know whether it’s happening or not, just keep your head down and don’t let it upset you

If you can say more about exactly what is upsetting you so much, you may get more useful responses. You sound as if your respect for the other employee is bothering you?

Just carry on as though he isn’t. Why does it bother you? Did you think he was wonderful before you found out and now he has clay feet you’re disappointed in your judgement?
do you want him for yourself?
do you think someone will ask you if you knew later? (Say no, if you want)

I can’t really imagine how it would affect you really so just try to compartmentalise, be professional and get on with your own life. Assuming you have a DH, children, mortgage, tv series’ you like. And if you don’t, go on some dates, get on rightmove to fantasise about houses to motivate house deposit saving and read some page turners.

What advice do you want apart from "Just carry on as normal"?

If you thought this woman was an all round great human being, then I can certainly understand your disappointment. I assume one or both of them is married? But the fact is that people let you down in all sorts of ways and often when you least expect it. When you get to my age you still get disappointed sometimes, but it doesn't affect you so badly. Basically you've seen it all before, many times. Are you quite young OP?

Yes, this. Or you recognise that affairs are not exclusively carried on by the irredeemably evil, that perfectly ordinary people fall in and out of love with one another, and cause one another distress without actually having cloven hooves.

I think you are getting a hard time on here op.
I have been through the same and yes it does affect you. For me the big thing was when the pair of them would sneak off for a liaison in works time. I knew they had gone but had to lie to others about his whereabouts and also ended up doing some of his work when he wasn’t about.
His ‘friend’ got preferential treatment and you always felt you had to be careful what you said in case it got back to him.
It actually became a toxic environment; I can’t believe other posters can be so unbothered about it.

But you’ve had advice. It just isn’t the advice you wanted.

But what do you actually mean by deal with it? Do you intend to report them or something?

I don't think it's about being unbothered, but OP hasn't said exactly what's bothering her about it. Are they carrying on in front of her and making her uncomfortable? Is the less senior one getting preferable treatment? Is it affecting work in other ways

If its just the fact that people she, at one time, respected are doing something she wouldn't have expected of them then all you can do is try and be unbothered, people are disappointing at times. What ultimately are you going to do about someone elses private life?

I didn’t mean to criticise your feelings- I didn’t know what to say without knowing why you were so effected by it- ie is it the moral aspect, the awkwardness, are you concerns about favouritism, does it bring up trauma etc - that’s why I asked, not because you shouldn’t feel this way.

OP, you do absolutely nothing because it's none of your business.

What do you mean by “advice on how to deal with it?”

You don’t have to deal with it, it’s none of your business.

Do you maybe have a crush on them and that’s really why you’re so bothered?