I don't know how to be happier...but I want to be

[Questforhappiness]

Mid 30s. Diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 16 and put on antidepressants at aged 16 (really wrong decision by my parents and GP/psychiatrist in my opinion)
I could never get off them, so for the last nearly 20 years I've tried eight different types of SSRIs/SNRIs and different combinations. I've been in and out of nhs and private psychiatry since 16 also, tried lots of different types of therapy.
Unfortunately I'm still unhappy.
Its a beautiful day today and I dont want to do anything. I have no desire to do anything. I'm terrified I'm facing another 20 years like the last 20 years. Single, no kids. Got a job which is okay, I cant change jobs currently. I just feel lost at how to make myself happier. Hobbies maybe but nothing interests me, I dont enjoy anything.

This is going to sound crazy but the one thing that cured my depression was giving up gluten. It was life changing for me.

Hi..
When was the last time you did something where you felt peace, joy, and flow..

I've just read an article in New Scientist on keto diets used as treatment for various mental health issues, from bipolar to anorexia and schizophrenia.

Early days of research, but very interesting!

My GP won't do vitamin d, ferritin or vitamin b12 blood tests, said they are not necessary.

They are the main ones that actually need testing, as well as folate. Either go to a different GP as yours is an idiot, or go private, or try googling Thriva for the at home tests.

My mood (and energy) have improved substantially since using high strength Vit B12 supplements after 30 years of depression. Still have bouts but it's no longer 24/7.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way OP.
Can you give us some idea of things you might enjoy, or have enjoyed in the past, or might be interested in?
Or make a list of such things for your own purposes?
As PP have mentioned, please do the basics - healthy food, drink water, 7-8 hrs sleep per night, shower, brush your teeth, exercise is a must - lift weights, 10k steps/day.

One thing that I remember being told when I needed some help to 'get going' ... was that

"Action comes before motivation"

Which basically means, you shouldn't necessarily wait until you feel like you want to do the thing ... sometimes you just have to DO the thing, and then the motivation to continue often follows..

Could you volunteer at an animal sanctuary?

ParkRun happens every Saturday morning, they always appreciate volunteers. Or you could join in at walking pace, which is also perfectly acceptable.

Do you like art or crafts? I joined an online art group and we meet up via zoom a couple of times a month.

I found it helped to have something 'booked in' in advance, then i knew I had to do it when it came around.

All the best!!

Also OP, I recently read about the condition called anhedonia, “not finding joy in things you used to love, a condition where the brain struggles to register pleasure. It is a common symptom of depression, anxiety, chronic stress, or burnout”.
Perhaps investigate this possibility and possible cures.

Look up Ordinary but Happy on Facebook. Very simple but inspiring

OP As a severly depressed person, it once dawned on me that happiness was an unrealistic goal and adjusted my expectations to contentedness instead. This was a game changer.

I think that finding a passion in life is important.
You have a cat, would you perhaps volunteer at a cat rescue?

Or any hobbies that you could throw yourself into? Swimming, walking, tennis?

Oh yes, I forgot about this. It really did help my mindset.

It is okay to just be okay.

Aww OP I can relate. It’s so hard when you’re surrounded by darkness. I have begun to feel a bit better lately, the best in decades. I found a really good therapist, do you have one? I am feeling more peaceful about my life, needing to spend quite a bit of time alone. I think I’m finally stopping feeling inferior to other people.

For me personally bring outside, exercising, finding a hobby that clicks (after many false starts) are all very important.

I think this is great advice. Also adjusting your expectations about how your life might be and making peace with how it is, while still making a few changes

I agree with PP who said you probably have a lot of accumulated sadness.

You mention that you've had therapy, but I think the only way is to go through this sadness and process it. It doesn't have to be psychotherapy. It has to be something that moves you deeply. Art, sex, extreme sports, war reporting, public speaking, whatever.

You need something that makes you feel alive and work from there.

That's the only thing that worked for me. Exercise, sun, being outside are important but they won't be the game changers.