Widowed? When did you remove your wedding ring?

[ClaudiaNaughton]

Not sure what to do.

6 months and I can't even contemplate taking mine off. I'm having a bad day.

I have never considered taking my rings off - I was widowed four years ago, aged 67. I will always be his wife, I have no interest in looking for another relationship.

I didn’t either, for the same reasons.

Then after about 18 months, I didn’t put it back on after making bread (I always took it off for baking).

Like you, I don’t feel married anymore but I don’t feel single either. I’m in limbo and that’s ok. Maybe one day it’ll go back on or it won’t.

Whatever works for each of us is what matters. No one else has the right to pass judgment.

My Nan lost her DH when she was 40 she died at 100 that ring didn’t come off once but it’s completely personal choice and should be respected as just that.

I think only you can know what you want and whatever you want to do is ok. Keep it on forever or take it off now, it’s whatever feels right. If you’re not sure then you probably just need more time to figure it out

I’m not sure anyone can give you an answer to this, OP. It’s an intensely personal decision, and whether you remove your ring, wear it forever, or anything in between is entirely down to what feels right for you. It’s nobody else’s business.

The only thing I’d say is that if you have kids who are also grieving (and I don’t mean young children here), removing a wedding ring might not be something I’d just leave them to notice with no prior mention. Not that you should have to explain or justify your decision, but it feels like a moment of significance that should probably be mentioned in passing.

My dad is happily in a new relationship (mum died 6 years ago after 60 years of marriage) and although I’d never say anything, it would make me feel sad and a bit funny if he removed his wedding ring without a word, and I’m knocking on a bit myself!

At the end of the day, though, it’s up to you and no one else.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

18 months since DH died. I did take mine off, because I thought it would help me process my grief - shocker it didn’t. I used the formal excuse of work being incompatible with wearing jewellery.
I’ve since retired and the first thing I do was put my wedding ring back on. It won’t be coming off. It just feels more ‘right’ to wear it than to not wear it. I won’t be bothering with another relationship.

I'm sure my mother would have said the same at your age.

She and dad were married for 55 years when he died at the age of 78 - she was 76.

At 79 she fell in love again, moved in with the new man and at 84 is really enjoying life.

Never say never!

I stopped wearing mine in covid (furloughed, lots of gardening etc) which was around 3 years.
I'd been in a new relationship about 2 years at that point.

Also stopped wearing a watch, necklace and bracelet I always wore as well.
Haven't gone back to wearing any of them.

I wore my rings intermittently anyway, I’d got out of the habit of wearing them daily in Covid so I sometimes don’t wear them for ages. I’m definitely not ready to officially stop wearing them or swap to my right hand. I love my rings and still feel married.

When my aunt was ready to start dating again, she moved them onto the other hand.

My dh died 6 years ago , I still wear mi e and my engagement ring and have no intention of taking them off. But I also have no intention of getting into another relationship, I guess I might think differently if I went into something long term.

It's also my Dms wedding ring which my DD gave me when my dm died so it has a lot of sentimental value.

I wear mine on my right hand-from about 6 months onward. I think I’ll probably keep it there whatever happens

My mum was widowed 11 years ago and still wears her rings despite having been in a new relationship for the past couple of years. I don't think she'll ever take them off but I wouldn't comment if she did. It's entirely up to her.

It must be very personal. I imagine I’d want to keep mine on unless I found myself looking for another relationship, which is very hard to imagine.

17 years widowed (I was 27) and it’s on my right hand as I’ve remarried.

I agree with PP - no one should judge until they have walked a yard in a widow’s shoes.

Really quickly. I don’t remember exactly when but it was probably less than three months. I didn’t feel married any more. I didn’t consciously feel angry with Dh at all but it probably was a mildly aggressive thing to do (he took his own life). I just felt weird wearing it.

Many years later the ring is being remade into another one for me to marry dp.

5 months after he died as I was 7mths pregnant by then and my fingers had swollen. I never put it back on again.
Don't know what I'd have done if that hadn't happened.

I was widowed very young, 16 years ago. I took mine off in a bleak moment about 3 years after he died to remind myself he wasn't coming back and I had to accept that I alone was going to get me and my children through the grief. I needed to combat the magical thinking that it hadn't really happened.
It's hard to describe the logic but it helped me somehow, strengthen my resolve.
I have still never dated anyone, so it was nothing to do with that. It is very personal and no-one really knows until they're living it.
No-one ever commented and they would have got short shrift if they had! 🤣

As for anyone judging, it's never occurred to me for a moment that anyone would even bother looking at my fingers. Do people do that?

(I'm a very unobservant person, though)

@saraclara absolutely people do look at your fingers. Some are polite enough to not say or act upon what they do or don’t see. Some, are a lot less polite and if they see a bare finger, think you are ‘fair game’ or are on the pull, or worse say something utterly crass like I see your over it then. Then there are those who see you wearing your ring and are just as/even more rude and ask why are you wearing it still you should be over it and dating again.
makes me quite angry and humiliated and guilty and I wonder how they would feel if the tables were turned.

My husband died 18 years ago I moved the ring to my right hand and wear my eternity ring on my left hand. My marriage may be over but my love for him is eternal

I moved my wedding ring to my right hand long before my DH died, so God knows what others thought; it never crossed my mind. I wear his wedding ring, which is identical, on the same finger. Ten years this year.

I can't get my ring off - a bind as I need a hand X-ray soon.

As for the engagement ring - we had identical men's watches. I still wear mine every day and while it doesn't attract attention as a substitute ring, I'd give short shrift to anyone suggesting I take it off.

I’m your age almost 60 and totally agree. Dh is my second dh (divorced) and if anything happened to him I’d just make a life with my kids, my cats and my hobbies. No way am I getting to know someone’s weird habits and taking on their family and health problems.

I think it’s up to you and what you want to do in your life. Wearing a wedding ring means you are connected to a person. If you feel you would like to move on and meet somebody else then perhaps that’s when to remove it.

Personally, I have been widowed 17 months and have no desire to remove mine. I wear my husband‘s wedding ring on my right hand.