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A situation with the police (trigger warning r*pe). Any police officers about?

61 replies

TheDrswife · 27/04/2026 17:06

Nc for this.

a good friend of my DD was arrested a year ago on suspicion of rape of someone she doesn’t know. Absolute shock for the whole friendship group and DD pulled back from him while this investigation went on. He then told her the whole case had been dropped and they rekindled their friendship. He spends a lot of time at her flat.

Fast forward to last night when two police officers turned up at my DD flat looking for him. She didn’t answer the door at first because she was scared stiff (alone in her flat, anxiety issues and never been involved with the police before). They started banging at the door heavily and she then let them in. They said it was a good job she had because they were about to force entry, I.e. smash the door in.

They fairly aggressively questioned her about his whereabouts, told her repeatedly she’d be in serious trouble if she was hiding him (obvs wasn’t) and searched the flat top to bottom. She was fine with this. They then left after being given his address and said not to contact him. She’s since found out that last year he was
Eventually RUI (released under investigation). The case has not been dropped. DD told her flatmate what was going on but forgot to tell her not to contact the friend so she did and friend called DD and she said he was eerily calm about the whole thing. Police haven’t reached him yet despite his address being 5/10 mins from DD.

So my questions are -

how did they know to turn up at DDs flat?

did they have any authority to force entry?

why haven’t they seen him yet? When they were pretty bloody keen to find him and DD gave them his address.

TIA!

OP posts:
ArtAngel · 28/04/2026 11:26

Why on earth would your dd's flatmate contact him and warn him?? Seriously idiotic.

And why on earth would your dd and then the flatmate reply to any messages or contact from him?

I very much hope your Dd remains safe and has seen the very last of this man. But have a calm talk with her about safety, common sense, waiting for due process to transpire etc alongside worrying whether police over stepped in looking for a suspected rapist.

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 11:33

I have spoken to her advising that she doesn’t have anything to do with him and lock all doors so he can’t get in if he does turn up. Not much more I can say to her.

Im trying 101 to see if there’s any more info about what’s going on that they’re prepared to divulge.

OP posts:
catipuss · 28/04/2026 11:45

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 11:06

We don’t know if he is a rapist. Although we’re all leaning towards no smoke without fire. Not annoyed with the police, would just appreciate some clarity on the situation.

he tried to call her at 11pm last night and she sent a WhatsApp message saying she couldn’t pick up (doesn’t want to speak to him and didn’t want repeated calls) but there’s only one tick and when the flatmate tried to call it just goes straight to answerphone.

Do the police arrest people round the clock? Because clearly something happened overnight.

I think the early hours is often the best time to find people at home, and they may not be prepared to make a run for it at that time, half naked and no shoes on!

Itsmetheflamingo · 28/04/2026 11:52

I’m not sure why people think that the flat mate or DD will be in trouble for talking to him.

he knows the police are looking for him.

it sounds like DD is pretty good friends with this person. It’s a scary situation but she needs to look out for herself more and not let her time and energy be taken up by this man. He is causing traumatic events to happen to her, she should be annoyed not concerned

Itsmetheflamingo · 28/04/2026 11:53

TheDrswife · 27/04/2026 18:00

That’s what I think @Octavia64. Someone else has made a complaint. By the way they acted with DD they are certainly very keen to find him.

He’s probably not answered bail or broken his bail terms

rainbowunicorn22 · 28/04/2026 12:02

the Police could have been trying to find him in relation to say bail, he may have somehow breached bail conditions ie contacted the victim or he was in an area he was told not to go to.
Police have ways of finding associates of suspects he may have even said the address himself

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 28/04/2026 12:09

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 11:33

I have spoken to her advising that she doesn’t have anything to do with him and lock all doors so he can’t get in if he does turn up. Not much more I can say to her.

Im trying 101 to see if there’s any more info about what’s going on that they’re prepared to divulge.

Hi OP they won't tell you anything I'm afraid, probably wouldn't tell your DD either.
The most they would say, if you were asking where he was or reporting him missing (say you didn't know he was being arrested and were worried about him), was they knew where he was and that he was safe and well, and couldn't say any more.

They absolutely have no obligation to tell you any more, I'm afraid.

coolwind · 28/04/2026 12:25

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 11:33

I have spoken to her advising that she doesn’t have anything to do with him and lock all doors so he can’t get in if he does turn up. Not much more I can say to her.

Im trying 101 to see if there’s any more info about what’s going on that they’re prepared to divulge.

Im trying 101 to see if there’s any more info about what’s going on that they’re prepared to divulge.

Why? Why are you so interested in what the police want with a boy your dd was once friends with? Do you think you're so important that the police will tell you what they wanted?

Do you mind if I ask what you do for a living?

user1464187087 · 28/04/2026 12:31

TheDrswife · 27/04/2026 17:19

Thank you! Yes she’s not having anything to do with him at the moment. He’s still texting as normal and keeps trying to call so obviously hasn’t been arrested.

Why would they be so keen to find him??

I'm guessing he has breached his bail conditions and is now wanted because of this.
Either that or another alleged victim has come forward.

ginasevern · 28/04/2026 12:45

coolwind · 28/04/2026 12:25

Im trying 101 to see if there’s any more info about what’s going on that they’re prepared to divulge.

Why? Why are you so interested in what the police want with a boy your dd was once friends with? Do you think you're so important that the police will tell you what they wanted?

Do you mind if I ask what you do for a living?

I was thinking exactly the same thing. Why the interest in this potential rapist who is some kind of loose friend with the DD?

Blimms · 28/04/2026 15:13

Itsmetheflamingo · 28/04/2026 11:52

I’m not sure why people think that the flat mate or DD will be in trouble for talking to him.

he knows the police are looking for him.

it sounds like DD is pretty good friends with this person. It’s a scary situation but she needs to look out for herself more and not let her time and energy be taken up by this man. He is causing traumatic events to happen to her, she should be annoyed not concerned

Because the DD was specifically instructed not to call him by the police.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 28/04/2026 16:36

I suspect the OP is looking for something concrete to tell her daughter so that she ends the relationship/friendship. Doesn't take a genius to work out he's bad news.

Boomer55 · 28/04/2026 16:41

If he hasn’t been charged, he could be guilty or totally innocent.

Either way, it’s best if your daughter steers clear.

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 16:57

Well mutual friends (who don’t know about the police visit) have been in touch saying that he’s gone missing, no one knows where he is and the only times this has happened before was when he was suicidal. So they’re obviously worried.

OP posts:
Blimms · 28/04/2026 16:58

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 16:57

Well mutual friends (who don’t know about the police visit) have been in touch saying that he’s gone missing, no one knows where he is and the only times this has happened before was when he was suicidal. So they’re obviously worried.

Why does this matter to you? He’s not your problem.

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 17:07

It doesn’t matter directly to me but my DD welfare does so that’s why I’m staying in the loop with what’s going on.

OP posts:
greywildoceans · 28/04/2026 17:10

He’s accused of rape. Stop feeling sorry for him. I assume that he’s found out they’re looking for him because of your dd. She could be in a lot of trouble for perverting the course of justice. She was told in no uncertain terms not to contact him - so she tells a friend to! She needs to cease all contact with him.

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 17:16

She didn’t tell a friend to - she just messaged her about what had just happened and in a fluster forgot to mention that bit. And yes, that’s on her.

I don’t feel sorry for him at all.

OP posts:
greywildoceans · 28/04/2026 17:18

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 17:16

She didn’t tell a friend to - she just messaged her about what had just happened and in a fluster forgot to mention that bit. And yes, that’s on her.

I don’t feel sorry for him at all.

Yet you’re paying eager attention to where he is and what he’s doing.

Your DD needs to tell the police what she’s done, to aid their investigation.

Blimms · 28/04/2026 17:36

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 17:07

It doesn’t matter directly to me but my DD welfare does so that’s why I’m staying in the loop with what’s going on.

I thought you said your dd isn’t going to have any contact with him so it really doesn’t matter.

GinaandGin · 28/04/2026 18:04

TheDrswife · 28/04/2026 16:57

Well mutual friends (who don’t know about the police visit) have been in touch saying that he’s gone missing, no one knows where he is and the only times this has happened before was when he was suicidal. So they’re obviously worried.

Ah playing the mental health card to manipulate people into feeling sorry for him. Instead of facing the consequences of his actions

user1464187087 · 28/04/2026 18:27

GinaandGin · 28/04/2026 18:04

Ah playing the mental health card to manipulate people into feeling sorry for him. Instead of facing the consequences of his actions

We don'y know that he has raped anyone though.

user1464187087 · 28/04/2026 18:29

user1464187087 · 28/04/2026 18:27

We don'y know that he has raped anyone though.

Apologies - Don't

UhOhRatPoo · 28/04/2026 18:37

catipuss · 28/04/2026 11:45

I think the early hours is often the best time to find people at home, and they may not be prepared to make a run for it at that time, half naked and no shoes on!

This. Haven’t you ever watched a police documentary like 24 Hours in Police Custody? It’s the best time.

Itsmetheflamingo · 28/04/2026 19:10

GinaandGin · 28/04/2026 18:04

Ah playing the mental health card to manipulate people into feeling sorry for him. Instead of facing the consequences of his actions

I think it’s fairly normal and understandable to feel suicidal when you get arrested for rape, whether you did it or not.

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