Righteous indignation at having to repay borrowed money

[Donteatmychips]

I have had this on two separate occasions. Friends who need to borrow money, and I agree on the proviso that the money is paid back in installments/by a certain date a few months down the line. Terms eagerly agreed to and, when then asking for the terms to be upheld, being met with ‘what do you mean, I couldn’t possibly afford this’.

Yes, more fool me for having gotten myself into this situation more than once but it got me thinking that maybe that reaction is more common than actually being paid back…

That's what it's like being a landlord sometimes. People are surprised that you expect them to pay their rent. One lady I rented to decided to start her own business, rented premises, got the shop fitted out, bought all her stock and then when I said the rent was late she said she couldn't afford it as she spent it on her shop.

I think people are CF and/or live in the moment and/or think that others are to be used for the boring stuff to enable them to do the nice stuff.

An ex friend is like this. She was amazed that we didn't all want to house her so she could fly first class and have really expensive holidays. Our lives weren't as important clearly.

A friend had something similar - tenant moved out but let his mate (who wasn't, and never was, on the tenancy) stay in the flat instead. Mate never paid rent and was just a squatter. Mate then phoned the letting agency and asked why the power had been cut off! Ermmmmm because you haven't paid any bills, aren't a tenant and have no legal right to be there?!

I know someone who rented a space above a shop and despite signing a lease agreement thought they wouldn’t have to pay as they’d had no clients and not used it, or would just pay for the odd hour they had used it. Madness.

I have posted on here about one of them before. He asked to borrow the money for rent, desperate ‘I’m going to have to live in my car’ bleet bleet. When I asked for it at the agreed time, his shock was palpable. And he had the bald faced cheek to do it again a few months later. ‘I’ll end up in my car’.. Like, it’s ok for me to work like a dog for the savings, you enjoy your part time lifestyle choice

Now you know what righteousness indignation looks like i suggest you start using that look/tone when people ask you for money. Followed by a swift NO.

You have been a bit of a mug then OP.

People clearly see you as a soft touch. Do you find it hard to say no?

Yes I've had this in my people pleasing youth. People definitely asking to borrow, not be given. Then when I asked for it back, huffing and indignation about how mean I was, that i had it to lend and therefore didn't really need it, whereas they would struggle to find the money to pay it back. I did ask on the last occasion why they said "lend" when they clearly just meant they wanted me to give them money. Was then told I was pedantic and stuck up.

Now I just say no, I never lend anyone money. (If someone was desperate and in need for a valid reason I would consider giving them money though i certainly don't advertise that!)

A similar situation happened to me when i loaned 2K to along time friend who set up home with her female partner in a near by town, after not hearing from her a year later I enquired when she would start repaying the loan, a very disgruntled friend agreed to pay me back £20 a month, which she did, but from that day she cut all contact with me, unfriended me on facebook etc.

Unrighteous indignation!

My rental lady just refused to pay, even in instalments. I had to go through the courts and she was ordered to pay, in instalments, the full outstanding rent and my costs and also ended up with a CCJ against her. All because of her righteous indignation.

I once loaned a friend what was a large sum to me (skint single mum-she had a bloke who spent all their money in the pub)

She claimed she needed it to buy dinner that night for her dds but I saw her go into the local shop and come out with a load of booze

When I asked for it back,all I got was 'I cant afford that!my dds will go hungry!

Well so would my lot if I didnt get it

She didnt pay,unfriended me,started a huge smear campaign against me and promptly fucked off on a posh holiday

Never heard from her again

Another mate borrowed about £100 in dribs and drabs

When asked for it back,cried and said she couldn't afford it as uc hadn't paid her

She then got in touch to ask if id have her dog as she was going away with her latest shag and here's a picture of her new kitten

I asked when she was planning to pay it back and got vague excuses and promises

Shes now hoping I've forgotten (I haven't) and is avoiding me

Ill never loan money again

My dad always used to say if you lend money, never expect to get it back! I think if you do help people out, this is a good starting point. Another way round it is to pay for the item or service directly on that person's behalf. At least then you know the money has been used for it's intended purpose.

I agree that you should never lend more than you can afford to give. I am a soft touch for single parents, however, as I have been there myself and know how hard it is. But never again

On this note, I think this is why I have such hatred for the cocklodger who targets the single mother. They know exactly what they are doing, the low life scum

We rent out my small flat that I owned before meeting DH. We had our last tenants in for 10 years and never put the rent up at all, which they knew because every year we'd say to them we had decided not to put it up due to their long tenure.

When they left they left behind a broken bed that we had to pay to get removed. When we made the claim for that on the deposit they treated us to e-mails and texts calling us 'fucking greedy bastards' and 'scum'.

If we had put their rent up by the amount in the actual tenancy agreement we would have been getting 30% more by the end. And it still would have been approx 50% under current market rate.

No good deed goes unpunished as they say. People who ask to borrow money, favours, time etc are generally cheeky fuckers. Most decent people don't ask.

There are places you can borrow money from and they’ll have it in your account almost instantly. It would never occur to me to say yes to lending money to anybody, friend or family.

The “benefit” is that I might end up in the position I started in and the disadvantages to finances and relationships are many.

I used to have a friend like this. Borrowed £500 off me on the agreement that he repay it at £50 a month. First payment date arrived,no problem. Then, nothing. When I tactfully mentioned it to him a week after the payment was due,he looked positively put out. I'm sure he was hoping I'd forget all about it,or be too embarrassed to mention it.

“Never a borrower or lender be” covered in grade 10.

My mother once loaned 2k to a friend of my aunt

He was on the bones of his arse and was desperate apparently

He fucked off on holiday with his boyfriend and when asked about payment he told her he'd broken up with the boyfriend so he didnt have to pay it back!

She ended up in the small claims and fell out with both my mother and aunt

She got it back in the end but never again-it was very stresdful

Never lend money to anyone. The only exception is my adult children.

WallaceinAnderland
You have been a bit of a mug then OP.
People clearly see you as a soft touch. Do you find it hard to say no?

Op doesn’t sound soft at all!!!

This. ^ No-one ever gets a penny from me, only my DC. I don't care how desperate people claim to be!

Or running your own business and people thinking they can get your services for free or at a reduced price because they dont work or work part time or they think youre rich and can afford for them not to pay