Bragging, everywhere bragging!

[bafta16]

Holidays, gardens, Grandchildren. On and on it goes.

So weary of it.
Reading too much as I'm unwell.

There is loads of it on mumsnet.

It often feels like all mumsnetters have sporty DC who achieve all 9s at GCSE.
They are all high earners on 6 figure salaries.
They go on expensive long haul holidays.
Etc, etc.

I realise that makes me sound jealous, but I really am not. We are comfortable, have a happy marriage and a DD who is bright - excellent GCSEs, A levels and degree (now who's bragging 😁?) but I was pointing out what I read so often on here.

The opposite. I see thread after thread and comment after comment from OPs and posters talking about UC, how to make £100 last a month, they can’t afford to join a hen party etc etc

Confirmation bias.

There are also lots of people who talk about their poor relationships, money troubles/financial woes and difficult teenagers etc

But if you are searching for "bragging" then yes you will find it - your reticular activating system will seek it out for you to confirm your world belief that everyone is "bragging"

So what?! Are we only allowed to share things if they’re failing at GCSEs, sit on their arses gaming all day, on benefits and holiday on the local park?! Are we to be ashamed and hide our lives?

It seems me and you have similar lives, so why shouldn’t we be proud of it and share it if we want to?! It’s not bragging, it’s just our lives!

I post on Facebook sometimes about my children, grandchildren, days out, holidays...I think I do it as a kind of diary that my family can look back on when I'm gone! it's all positive stuff. I don't get many likes so perhaps my Facebook friends think like you do 😆 but I do enjoy my friends' similar posts though. It goes both ways

You need a meta quest. Plug in to a travel sim and go visit some countries.

I bet my dysfunctional family is more dysfunctional than yours.

Depends how often you do it. None stop 'being proud' is a bit eye rolly. But you eye roll and move on.

OP maybe you need to find something else to do and take a break. If a site you use is getting on your nerves then have a break.

I am proud of DD but I am not specific about just how well she has done because I feel it would be insensitive.

She isn't sporty though 😁

If this is via social media

Then what do you expect - it’s designed to keep people hooked - the posters and the viewers

There was a documentary with the guy who invented the “like” button he regrets it, but to be fair to him if it hadn’t been him it would’ve been someone else

Life is far too short to be concerned with what others have if you can read and walk you are at a good starting point from which to build a life you are happy or happier with (I think the modern pursuit of being happy is quite poisoned - content is a much better word)

Well, just mute them if they’re making you feel bad? Focus on what you can do, rather than complaining about other people’s behaviour you can’t control.

I do eyeroll as its always the same boring people posting about how great their perfectly ordinary dc are.

One ex school mum has a dd doing a lot of dancing so posts incessantly. My dc do various sports music drama etc but I don't post all about it.

I wish I had friends posting about holidays. My friends keep it to themselves

I kind of get what you mean OP.
When I was a child, my mum used to tell me that bragging and showing off was rude and bad mannered. I think I’ve always just been stuck with that mindset because I find it so odd how much people brag nowadays.
I guess it’s just a different world to the one I grew up in.

I think this is the thing.... social media perhaps encourages us to not just be proud but share that with the world. And sometimes it does cross the line into bragging.

I don’t actually post on personal social media very much but if someone asks or the conversation in general relates to it I’m sure as shit not going to restrict any info! There’s a girl I went to school with who I know quite well, she came from quite a disadvantaged background and as really built her life up, she posts about every single good thing (and occasionally bad thing too!) in life and I just think ‘good for you’! Why not? It’s not her job to be sensitive to others who aren’t doing as well, especially not when all forms of the media we absorb online are totally optional!

It sounds like your ‘bragging’ is my ‘sharing something positive or exciting’.

My husband’s family are all about talking the gloom and doom stuff; who’s sick now, whose marriage is in trouble now, what went wrong this week. I can’t stand all of that moaning, so focus on things the other way around - even more so with them.

Are you a moaner and people are trying to lift the conversation?

Depends how often you do it. None stop 'being proud' is a bit eye rolly. But you eye roll and move on.

But if someone is posting constantly on SM and its annoying someone else then its really on them to mute/unfollow them isnt it?

You cant police the world and you cant police what other people choose to post on their own social media. There are several people I find annoying but I cant control what they post so I choose not to view their posts.

For the life of me I dont understand why anyone would constantly keep viewing something that irritates them- its nonsensical

You are always complaining about others bragging who are mostly just talking about their lives and post very detailed posts about your daughter, husband etc which by your criteria are bragging. Read your posts.

People who are bothered need to look at what is lacking in their lives and then either adjust or don't read.

I am proud of DD but I am not specific about just how well she has done because I feel it would be insensitive.

What an odd perspective. By this rationale, noone can ever talk about anything remotely good at all because someone, somewhere might feel bad about it.

We must only therefore talk about the bad things that have happened to us and even then, if someone has experienced something similar but worse than us we might be being inadvertently insensitive to them 🙄

My mother had such an extreme version of this mindset that she was mortified that I did very well in the equivalent of A Levels and won a university scholarship that was reported in the local paper — if the neighbours mentioned it, she would dismiss it as me being ‘too lazy to get a job’. She thought people would think I was ‘getting above myself’.

As an adult I’m completely unapologetic about my achievements.

My friend became very disabled and has an awful prognosis. She loves hearing about positive things in peoples lives and asks for photos from me when I go off on holiday. I remember recovering from an operation and was desperately unwell and hearing some kids playing in the street knowing life still went on made me feel better. I think it’s an inherent personality trait really, being negative or positive.

Are we to be ashamed and hide our lives?

Not at all. But there’s a big middle ground between hiding your life and posting it all over the internet for public consumption. And the problem with social media is that it lacks all the filters we would naturally apply in teal
life. So it’s fine to talk about an expensive holiday with a friend in similar circumstances, but grossly insensitive if it’s to a friend where most has just been made redundant or is struggling for cash. Fine to talk about your pregnancy to family and friends - but you wouldn’t show a friend who’d just suffered a miscarriage 29 photos of your baby shower. And so on and so on.

There’s also a general lack of self awareness about a lot of these things. Basically- most people don’t care that much about what others are doing - and if they do, they’ll be in touch to ask them. So it’s performative by nature, to some extent, I think. And - human nature being what it is - I’m sure there are as many acquaintances who would sneer at whatever is on Facebook as will be impressed by it anyway.

Fine to talk about your pregnancy to family and friends - but you wouldn’t show a friend who’d just suffered a miscarriage 29 photos of your baby shower. And so on and so on.

But we arent talking about conversations, we are talking about social media and if your goal is never to make anyone else feel bad online then you'd never post anything at all. Someone has a right to put their baby photos online if they want and thats not inherently "insensitive".

Eg my mum is dead. I dont get super angry with people for saying thank you to their mothers on SM on mother's day

OP- If you are looking for people who are in a similar situation to you then go on fb and find a group for people who have the same illness you do.
You sound like you are in a negative place and what many people may see as celebrating their grandchildren/ garden/ lifestyle you see as bragging - you choose how you interpret the world and the people in it.

And so do you feel sad / ashamed / undermined when you see a poster talking about their son or daughter’s sports successes?