How can I stop thinking about a distressing news article? *trigger warning*

[Dontwinfriendswithsalad]

I’ve just read a news article about an absolutely horrific case of child abuse by a teacher called Jamie Varley. If you haven’t read anything about it please don’t, as I desperately wish I hadn’t.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can scrub this from my brain or stop thinking about it? I know the world is a cruel place but this is probably one of the worst things I’ve read and I need it out of my head.

It keeps popping into my head too. I feel essentially rage and then sadness.
It's disgusting how this could happen, poor little boy was so let down by many.

Teachers. My home town.
This is up there with one of the most horrific crimes possible.
That beautiful, beautiful little boy.
There would be a huge list of loving couples who would long for a baby to nurture and love.
Flame my arse if you want but I dont hold with babies being deliberately deprived of a mother figure and yes I will say it out loud to anyone who enquires 😬😡😡😡

I’m another one struggling with this case (after reading it late last night - why?!)

I do this too, there’s now a little group of shadow babies I carry in my mind while caring for my own DC.

I also sometimes do the opposite I have to admit, and spend a bit of focused brainpower wishing harm and suffering on the perpetrators.

I get such rage at these monsters and the systems that seem to allow them to get away with it, but try to channel that into action where possible - donating to children’s charities, supporting policy changes that put children’s safeguarding first.

I think it's arguably child abuse to deliberately deprive a child of a mother.

Hopefully that's not considered bigotry to say this.

Some would say so but I would rather be labelled a bigot than allow a defenceless baby to be tortured to death by monsters like these two, all in the name of " equal rights"

Do jurors get access to mental health support? O read in the guardian article that they were shown photos of the abuse during and after as varely took images... i cannot imagine the type of dostress in the courtroom, but how do you go home after that?

Lots of babies are raped and murdered while their "loving mothers" stand by and film it. A mother would not have necessarily saved this boy. Lets not let our misandry sully every thread while we read on the next page about a woman who sold her infant daughter to pedophiles.

I've never heard of a case of a woman who sexually abused an infant who wasn't being coerced by a man

"Lots of babies"? Can you provide some examples?

Do you really want me to drag up every article of an abused child where the mother was either actively involved or did nothing? Or shall we both just acknowledge that exists?

Lots of people think that about some of the most prolific female violent and sexual offenders, yes, but that is actually more about misogyny than anything else. They think we are too benign to ever do anything like this all of our own volition.

I often feel for the birth parents, too. Imagine being told (quite legitimately, don't mistake me) that you're not good enough to parent a child, then the person who has been chosen as 'good enough' abuses and kills them.

I know an adoption social worker and the process is really intrusive but I guess you can never be really sure that you're seeing the real person and then the stress of caring for a young child without the biological urge to protect and sustain them allows behaviour to spiral.

The neighbours must feel awful that they knew something wasn't quite right, too.

Then you have the hospital workers who accepted accounts of his injuries.

The ripples are huge. Poor little boy. He didn't stand a chance.

Exactly the same for me, when it dawned on me what had actually happened I cried.

I suffer with intrusive thoughts anyway, but thinking of that poor little boy being taken to hospital multiple times in that 4 month period only to be taken home again with those monsters absolutely breaks my heart. So many chances to save him.

Ive read on Lancs Live some of the horrific stuff little Preston endured. It was truly awful. One would hope that the juries are looked after.
I'm sure someone who works within the justice system will be along to tell us x

This absolutely.

And of course she regrets her decision. Her child was abused to death.

I don't support the death penalty but I think I think prison sentences in these sort of cases should start at 40 years, no time off for good behaviour. Disgusting filthy men

OP you dont ever lose the knowledge of what people are caoable of, once you realise.

But there are also the many, many, many people who try to rescue and repair damage and sink their effort, time, heart and money into it.

We are just capable of so much more, bad and good, than people are aware of in everyday life. Magistrates, social workers, first aid responders, police officers, sometimes sex workers see it all.

Keep active, exercise, don't drink too much, do things you enjoy and donate to child charities. Do your little bit to help. It does help one come to live with the way the world is.

This story is horrific and the men deserve prison. I’m not sure I can fully process what they did to that innocent little boy.

I really can’t understand how this wasn’t picked up and prevented though.
I’m an adoptive parent. The checks to get approved and matched are extensive but if you have no convictions you could likely get through those, but when you bring your LO home you’re supposed to have a regular social service visits.
I think visits were once per week for a month or so, then every 2 weeks. Here we had to have them at home with dc present so they could assess how well we were all settling and bonding so there should have been plenty of chances for injuries to be spotted.

Also, until you legally adopt, your rights for arranging medical care are shared with the local authority so hospital visits should also be setting off alarm bells and flagging up somewhere.

I can already foresee a review of social services and ‘changes will be made’ promises that won’t change anything 😡

Forgot to add, when it feels like too much for me (and for obvious reasons sometimes things can feel just too close to home) I take dc outside to do something fun, or I make something that requires a bit of focus.

I read this yesterday and cried. In revulsion that men like this exist. Men who are so calculated and premeditated that they managed to mislead and hoodwink trained professionals in order to adopt a baby for these purposes.
What strikes me is how broken the system is and how little safeguarding there seems to be. The horrendous Southport case and the damming report that came out last week. And now this. Following several other cases of a similar type where the abuse should (and could) have been identified and stopped.
4 times this child was taken to hospital. 4 TIMES!!! He was an adopted child in a male only household. Surely he was considered high risk. Why on earth was it not picked up by social workers?

I cannot believe this teacher didn't commit prior abuse when he was clearly in a position with access to children.

Op I haven't read the details of this case (but am aware of it) but I had a similar experience when I read a lengthy piece about a big group of people who were paying people in other countries to abuse/kill little monkeys, I couldn't stop thinking about it for months. It helped a bit to acknowledge my horror/sadness/anger about it each time, and then try to not dwell on it and think about something else. Eventually it became less frequent but I do still think about it from time to time.

Yes and the old "lessons will be learned".chestnut.

Children shouldn't be placed in homes with no mother figure present.

It might not prevent all cases of abuse, but it would prevent a lot more of them.